Jul 31 2013

Wednesday 31 July 2013: And we’re off.

For 5 and half hours of driving home in non stop pi55ing rain.

Just like the way down there were 2 road closures. Again it didn’t add too much to the journey. Annoying more than anything. And because of delays on the M6 the satnav decided to take us up the A1 and across at scotch corner. I much prefer the M6 way, but it didn’t take us that much longer.

Now I just need the cat to make a re-appearance and it’ll be holiday over and back to normal

you: might help if you were in the car rather than taking photos of it
me: stooooooop!! Waaaaiiiiiiiit for meeeeeee!

Jul 30 2013

Tuesday 30 July 2013: All the way to the zoo… (Holiday day 5)

….and all we saw was this lousy chicken.

We spent the day at Twycross Zoo today. The gibbons were my favourites. They were freakin’ awesome. The way they effortlessly swing around and up and down was amazing to watch. Not entirely sure what Ghengis’ favourites were. The dinosaurs I think.

Phoned work today. I didn’t get the promotion. Even though they ended up creating another position, and there were only 5 of us went for them, I didn’t get either. They passed up the awesomeness of Monochrome and I for Sbarlster? Sbarlster?! Seriously? WTF.. Haha. Well done dude. I give up though. There’s no way to progress in work without moving towards management. There’s no recognition of doing a decent job technically.

you: Dinosaurs? What kind of zoo were you at?
me: They had a bunch of big animatronic dinosaurs. Poor wee Ghengis fell asleep looking at flamingos and woke up with a Coelophysis staring down at her. She must have thought she’d done a spot of time travel
you: you think she’s aware of the concept of time travel?
me: I assume so. She’s just finishing up a bit of research for CERN
you: I shall pretend I didn’t read that nonsense. Shame about the promo, but did you really want the extra money?
me: I wouldn’t have said no.
you: you know what they say though. Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems
me: TUNE!
you: easily distracted moronicon.

Jul 29 2013

Monday 29 July 2013: Get back from the TV ya monkey (holiday day 4)

Yet another Ghengis shot. Not getting much opportunity for anything else it seems. This wee chair was the missus’ when she was wee.

Out for a relaxed lunch with the inlaws at a wee bit within Loogabarooga Uni. Because it’s outside term time the place was dead and there was acres of space for Ghengis to wander around in, which was fine by me as it knackers her.

Nowt else to report. Bit of thunder, bit of rain.

Ghengis went to bed singing "Daddy’s taking me to the zoo tomorrow".

you: do something interesting so you can blip something other than the bairn
me: too tired. No time
you: you’re on your holidays. You have nothing but time
me: Ghengis is not aware of the meaning of the word ‘holiday’
you: well go somewhere interesting
me: too tired, no time.
you: well just try and be interesting
me: too tired, no ….
you: awright awright I get the picture. You’re a dullard.

Jul 28 2013

Sunday 28 July 2013: Gardening

Yes Ghegnis that’s dirt. No Ghengis, don’t put it in your mouth. No, not the muddy pebble either.

Through to see L&P (and O+F too) this arvo. Coincidentally about 500 yards from our visit yesterday. They’ve built a new extension which is ace, nice clean white walls and massive windows. Great for photos. But we were out on the nice new deck. I think I got a bit much sun, my head feels odd tonight.

No idea how they, or anyone else with twins does it. It must be an incredible amount of work. So how folk with triplets or more cope I’ll never understand.

They had made a lovely lunch. Salmon baked over new spuds and beans and stuff, and some salads. I could have eaten it all day.

you: hardly surprising is it?
me: what?
you: that they built a new extension
me: I don’t know what you are getting at
you: well they were highly unlikely to build an old extension were they.

Jul 27 2013

Saturday 27 July 2013: From the hip. (holiday day 2)

This is vintage porsche. Shot from the hip as it was too hot to lift the camera to look through the viewfinder. Just a shame I didn’t hit the focus button.

A lovely afternoon through with Elfin and ‘the fella’. The sticky toffee sundae which caused so much concern when ordering turned out to be awesome. The quinelle of clotted cream is clogging my arteries as we speak. Got some lovely photos of Ghengis, but Elfin’s makes me laugh and I don’t want Ghengis getting a big head with two blip features in a day, never mind in a row.

It’s too humid, although there was a crack of thunder a while back so hopefully there’s some rain coming to clear the air.

you: oooh, ‘quinelle’, get you!
me: what?
you: who do you think you are, Gary Rhodes or something
me: what? I’m a chef, I know these terms
you: chef? You’re not even a cook
me: am so
you: I’ve told you before, "piercing the film and 4 minutes in the microwave" is not cooking!

Jul 26 2013

Friday 26 July 2013: Steppin’ out (holiday day 1)

the tactic of the day was to knacker Ghengis by taking advantage of her new found walking awesomeness.

Up and down the garden, time and time and time again. 7 oclock came, Ghengis was put in her cot, the door was shut…..and……result, straight to sleep, ah, back to the good old days.

Got some great news re K today so we can all stop worrying a bit.

you: you cannot use the term "the good old days" in reference to a one year old
me: I can. Why can’t I
you: because it’s stupid
me: it’s not. It’s all relative
you: all I can say is thank goodness you’re not my relative
me: eh, I think we’re quite closely related
you: Nnnnoooooooo!

Jul 25 2013

Thursday 25 July 2013: Service station ducks

There’s a loch just around the corner you numpties.

The drive didn’t go quite as smoothly as planned because once again Ghengis wasn’t for sleeping so we had about an hour and a half of crying. Certainly meant there was no chance of me falling asleep at the wheel. We tried the various ‘white noise’ tactics which seemed to work for a bit. it was quite amusing driving along to the sound of a train clacking along the tracks. In the end though the only thing that would work was the 2hr In The Night Garden compilation on youtube. played throught the stereo….twice.

The motorway was closed too! That didn’t help. The sat nav forewarned us though and took us another way. I don’t know how it gets it’s updates, the radio I guess. Technology is awesome when it works.

you: noisy trip then, with the crying and the roofbox whistling.
me: no whistling. I found the perfect speed to balance noise, economy and progress
you: aye? And what was that?
me: 127.6mph
you: I see safety didn’t feature in your assessment
me: safety always features in my assessment of a situation. I left the sippy lid on my coffee didn’t I?
you: give that man a safety first medal

Jul 24 2013

Wednesday 24 July 2013: Brown

I actually ventured into the church today rather than just loitering. It’s not particularly fancy inside, but I liked it. It was so quiet and calm I think I might pop in at lunchtimes to read my next book: "Richard Dawkins – The God Delusion". I really liked the colours in this bit of stained glass.

Freakin’ knackered today. No idea what was up with Ghengis last night, she just wouldn’t settle, so for only the second time ever she didn’t sleep in her cot. I took her through to the spare room and we slept in the double bed there. Double bed. For 2 adults. So how come when I was in it with just a baby I was left with no room? Every time I got woken up the wee madam was lying at 90degrees to normal in a pose that suggested she had fallen asleep exhausted from trying to push me off.

Tonight she wouldn’t settle either but so far she has remained asleep……aghhh I must be typing too loud she has just woken crying :-(

you: you had better get going to settle her then
me: I had.
you: and we’ll discuss your choice of reading material another day

Jul 23 2013

Tuesday 23 July 2013: Stop and smell the flowers

Wander in the graveyard again today. It’s nice to hang out with folk that have a brighter outlook on life than me. There is a big tall rose bush in there. I stopped for a sniff, it was lovely.

Had a look around an area I hadn’t looked around before. Some of the stones were quite sad. There was one a bloke had put up for his kids. Five of them. Not one of them made it past 11, with 2 of them barely making it beyond 1. I can’t imagine how hard that must be!

There were also quite a few cardboard "mattresses" in the hidden corners. I guess the homeless frequent the place come nightfall. Sutin was surprised to find that I had a few places pre-selected that I would go to sleep if I was homeless, having gone so far as to rece the locations for any signs of frequent access. I was surprised to find that he hadn’t selected any.

It’s fair to say Ghengis can walk now. She can stop, bend over to pick things up, carry on, do 180’s, stop, balance, set off, take a few steps backwards. It’s frickin’ awesome to watch. How did my wee cookie learn to walk!

you: Are you planning on being homeless any time soon?
me: no, it must be awful, hard and scary. But I’ve got to be prepared
you: so where have you selected?
me: a derelict site that has lots of trees and bushes for cover and isn’t at all easy to access.
you: that’s one
me: and the steep slope with deciduous trees on it that you see dead ahead when going north over the big high motorway bridge at Perth, with the watchtower up top
you: why there?
me: I like deciduous trees.
you: pleased to know you have your priorities worked out. Food? No. Water? Possibly. Warmth? No. Deciduous trees? Yes. Idiot? Most certainly

Jul 22 2013

Monday 22 July 2013: New bunnet

Here we have Goeff ably modelling my new cycle bunnet. I need to get back in to my cycling, and as any man knows, the best way to get re-enthused about a hobby is to spend money on it. New shoes next.

Ghengis has been a wee monster for the missus today, being naughty and shouting pretty much non stop. Ahhh-ahhh-ahhh-ahhh while pointing at things, so you give her them and she throws then away and starts ahhh-ahh-ahhing while pointing at something else. Or asking to be picked up then crying and wanting down. If she wasn’t so damn cute she’d be kipping in the garage.

I got a mouthful of windscreen washer fluid earlier. If I don’t blip tomorrow it’s because I’m dead.

you: the missus trying to bump you off again?
me: what?
you: feeding you windscreen washer fluid
me: no that was my fault. And what do you mean ‘again’
you: forget I ever said it.

Jul 21 2013

Sunday 21 July 2013: Chasing her shadow.

More of yesterdays view today.

Tonight I got out on the bike for the first time in over 2 months. Just did my 12 mile loop and did it in my second fastest time ever. Averaged 17.4mph which is awright going for me. The insanity training obviously kept me fit. I would have been faster but got caught in a crosswind and once the echelons formed I couldn’t get my time back.

you: were you out in a group?
me: no just me
you: you can’t have an echelon with one rider you moron
me: oh. I think I managed
you: no, you were just slow.

Jul 20 2013

Saturday 20 July 2013: The view

Today I fitted the roof bars. And I fitted a stair gate.

Then I finally found a use for the very expensive lighting dolly I bought and never user – it makes an excellent mobile sun parasol holder.

Then I carpeted the deck.

Then we all lay on the deck for a couple of hours. And this was the view.

you: you carpeted the deck?
me: aye
you: so there’s not any sort of typo, or mishmash of unrelated sentences?
me: nope
you: you carpeted your decking
me: yes, why is that so difficult to understand?
you: because it’s not normal
me: right, so me keeping carpet from the spare bedroom in the old house in the garden shed for the last three years because I am a hoarder and new I’d eventually find a use for it, then realising that it’s a great fit for the decking and making use of it so that the deck is more comfortable to lie on isn’t normal? Pull the other one!

Jul 19 2013

Friday 19 July 2013: Double trouble

A run up and down the road to W.E today for little L’s 1st birthday. It was a lovely day spent out in the garden in the sunshine. Mum, dad, Jenelope, Grandma, and then all K’s side of the family were there with their wee bairns too, and then K’s friend and her wee twins 2 days older than L were there too. So it was a bit of a baby-fest. But they were all loving it, playing in the paddling pool and scooting about here there and everywhere in the warm sun

In the last week Ghengis’ walking has really come on. She is pretty steady on her feet and takes backward steps to re-gain balance before setting off again. It’s ace to watch. Her record so far is 18 in control steps before she sits down, but she’s getting better every day.

She also likes this song by the impossibly pretty Taylor Swift. She dances round and round to it in her own inimitable way.

you: so are they interacting yet?
me: yeah Ghengis was giving L loads of cuddles.
you: awww, cute
me: but I think she might be having to fight for her territory at nursery, there was certainly some "I’m playing with that, get off" going on
you: you probably don’t need to start worrying until she starts tooling up
me: I’ll bare that in mind.
you: and at that point you’d best keep an eye on your wallet too
me: it’s nursery she goes to, not training camp for thugs!

Jul 18 2013

Thursday 18 July 2013: No discernible meat content.

Out for a bite to eat after work with Steven. I broke one of my own rules and had a hotdog. It claimed to be pork. It may have seen a pig once, but that’s as close as it ever came to containing any. Tasted pretty good though.

I also had a magnum and a choc-ice today. And a pile of biscuits. It would appear that subconsciously I am trying to undo the last 10 weeks of physical effort to get fitter.

The new roof box arrived today. I didn’t ever see myself having roof bars and a roof box in order to go on holiday. But needs must. I wish the missus had just let me get a 3 series touring instead.

you: excuse me?!
me: what have you done?
you: nothing. I just can’t believe my ears!
me: in relation to what?
you: you claiming to have self imposed rules on what you eat…..which seems ridiculous seeing as the other day you said you had a glass of vinegar with a yoghurt chaser
me: oh but that’s different. I know what was in that. I don’t like eating things where I don’t know what they were made from
you: but you eat black pudding!
me: I know what’s in that though and have chosen to accept it/blank it from my mind
you: so how are hotdogs any different
me: because who knows what muck goes in to them?
you: your arguments rarely stand up to any form of scrutiny. This one is no different.

Jul 17 2013

Wednesday 17 July 2013: The end.

So that’s it finished. I have completed the insanity exercise programme. No weights or equipment were required, it’s purely push ups, burpees, jumps etc, and a wide variation thereof. For the first 8 weeks I stuck to it, 6 days a week. With a week to go I was ill, so had to postpone the final week. Then with 2 days to go I was ill again, so had to postpone by a day. But today was my final day. And my final fit test. I was quite excited about doing it, and managed to improve on all but one of the exercises – I just can’t jump any faster I’m afraid.

I’m now10 and a bit lbs lighter than I was at my heaviest which was 14st2oz and 5.5lbs lighter since I started.

I have totally enjoyed the challenge of sticking to it. I guess I’m slightly disappointed there wasn’t more muscle gain, but I am without doubt considerably fitter and stronger. I wonder if properly changing my diet would have helped. We’ll never know…. until the next time I do it.

But in the meantime I have a 200km bike ride with Sutin to prepare for. I hope we get a good day for it. Warm-ish and no breeze, much like today if you don’t mind.

you: you actually stuck to it?
me: yup
you: shame you also stuck to the beer and nachos, otherwise you could have been the muscle bound idiot you’ve always dreamed of
me: I don’t dream of a muscle bound idiot!
you: funny how a missing word can change things eh. Ok, dreamed of being.
me: I doubt that will ever happen unless I hit the weights.
you: you might be better exercising with them.

Jul 16 2013

Tuesday 16 July 2013: Get knotted.

So after yesterday’s nightmare I went to bed at 7, and slept right through. I woke up today not feeling 100%, but certainly a he11 of a lot better than I had been. The missus felt a bit better too, but we decided to put Ghengis into nursery for an extra day just to let the missus recover. Poor wee chook(s). So the other worry of yesterday, that I would miss my interview today for a promotion was needless.

This also meant I had to remember how to tie a tie though. It’s been about 5 years since I wore one I think. In the end I had to take to google. I could remember how to do a school tie knot, the ones that sit at about 45degrees and make the tail stick out at about 10degrees, but I couldn’t remember how to do any decent knot. Tie tied I took it off and put it in my bag, ready to be stuck on at the last possible minute.

Interview went ok I think. I was able to answer all the (competency based) questions with decent examples at least. Just sbarlster left to be interviewed before we battle to the death gladiator style for the one position.

you: you didn’t wear your tie all day?
me: why would I?
you: why wouldn’t you?
me: because in an office where ties aren’t required, the sudden appearance of one screams "interview" better than any neon sign ever could
you: so why did you wear one if they aren’t required?
me: I just decided to treat it like I was going for an external interview. I even put shoes on
you: you normally go to work barefoot? Who do you think you are? Zola Budd? And where do I get front row tickets for the fight to the death?

Jul 15 2013

Monday 15 July 2013: WHAT THE F*!

Yesterday I felt possibly as fit and healthy as I ever have in my life. So how come today I am barely able to get myself up the stairs?

The missus was up all night being sick pretty much on the hour every hour, meaning I got a crappy sleep….how selfish of her. I called in to work to say I was gonna have to take a flex day to look after Ghengis. Then within half an hour of that I was in the shunky with the runs. And as the day progressed I felt worse and worse.

I felt sorry for poor wee Ghengy. Her mummy wouldn’t give her cuddles in case she passed on the vomiting as we weren’t sure if it was something she had eaten or not, and her daddy had so little energy he could barely move to play with her, and was getting too annoyed when she was playing up at tea time.

Seven o’clock, time for Ghengis to go to bed…..


you: hello? Hello? HELLO?
you: I take it you’ve gone to bed too?

Jul 14 2013

Sunday 14 July 2013: Mmmmm, tasty rice snacks.

Busy day today.

First of all Obi-wan and his missus came through, so we finally got to meet (tiny) wee Ethan, and they finally got to meet Ghengis.

Then through to the swamp where we had a lovely afternoon in the garden with Fat Mungo et al. Ghengis was good as gold. Even though the wee table was covered in crisps, chocolate treats, and all sorts of tasty goodies, all she was interested in was the fruit salad. I more than made up for her goodness though by having some of everything. I reckon she probably wasn’t interested in the other stuff because she’s never had it so didn’t know what she was missing out on.

Good workout tonight. Probably the best since I started, in terms of I finally felt like I was doing it all correctly…which is a shame since I only have 2 left.

Beans on toast for tea, except I couldn’t be bothered toasting the bread, and I couldn’t be bothered warming the beans up.

you: so basically you had a bean sandwich
me: pretty much.
you: yet another of your stunning culinary delights.
me: oh, I didn’t tell you about the one I had when I was ill
you: I’m fairly sure I don’t want to know
me: well I had….
you: I said I didn’t want to know.
me: but I thought I’d come up with a cure for the common cold
you: ok lets hear it.
me: I had a glass of vinegar from a jar of pickled onions. Then a yoghurt (blackcurrant), then the pickled onions that had been left exposed due to my vinegar consumption
you: thanks for clarifying the yoghurt flavour. If you hadn’t done that it would have been totally rank. Oh, no, it’s still totally rank
me: but you didn’t ask the pertinent question.
you: ok, I’ll play along. Did you find a cure for the common cold?
me: no, but it gave me a sore stomach for a while so it took my mind off it.
you: that’s virtually the same thing. Idiot.

Jul 13 2013

Saturday 13 July 2013: First shoes

These are the wee shoes Ghengis got. I figured I’d best get a photo of them before she wears them out. Which won’t take long if she keeps stomping around in them the way she does.

We had an accidental lie in this morning. It was the first time we didn’t get her up at 7. Ever. All because I forgot to set my alarm. Normally it wouldn’t have made any difference as she wakes at about 10 to 7, but today she slept until 8.

The heat has been making me super tired. I fell asleep while minding her this afternoon, and was only woken by the sound of her repeatedly smacking a toy brick off the front of the telly. No damage, thankfully, or I would have had to dock her pocket money….again.

you: 2 shoe blips in a week
me: I know, odd eh
you: not odd. Boring
me: I’m struggling to find things of interest
you: not struggling. Failing
me: I’d concur with that. I’m just so tired
you: you’re a whining baby!
me: but it’s too hot
you: whining. baby.

Jul 12 2013

Friday 12 July 2013: Foxy (2)

A trip to the docs to check that what we thought was a heat rash Ghengis had was indeed a head rash. It was. Indeed.

Spotted the first Jag F-type I’ve seen too. Rather nice.

A wander around the woods and that about topped off yet another scorching day. 27+C in the shade. Too hot for dealing with a baby. A scottish baby anyway.

Spotted a robin too. It seems odd to see a robin on such a hot day when they are associated with christmas. I tell you what, we could do with…..

you: don’t you dare!
me: what?
you: you were about to suggest we could do with some cold winter air.
me: no I wasn’t!
you: you were.
me: I wasn’t. That would be ridiculous. I’m just enjoying the hot weather
you: you were.
me: dammit I hate it when you are right.

Jul 11 2013

Thursday 11 July 2013: Cheater

Cycling home tonight this wee dude was scooting along on the pavement beside me. It’s a tiny wee electric motorbike. It looked rather fun.

Late home from work tonight due to an implementation. I was only meant to have a 5 minute task but ended up helping with other relevant bits and bobs. So home by nine then another hour dialed in. They got loads of pizza in but I only had a couple of slices and am now starving.

you: well that’s yer own fault then isn’t it.
me: yeah, I suppose. I was trying to be healthy
you: so have the vege pizza
me: does that count as healthy?
you: did it have green stuff on it?
me: yes
you: healthy.
me: glad we cleared that up then.

Jul 10 2013

Wednesday 10 July 2013: I enjoyed that.

First night back to exercising after my unwelcome week off. And I enjoyed it. The garage was a bit hot, and I don’t think I’ve sweated so much in my life, but I enjoyed it. 6 days left.

The missus has to move on to a glucose free diet for 6 weeks to see if it sorts her tummy out. I have my doubts. As does she. But we’ll give it a shot. How hard can it be to not drink lucozade?

you: WHAT?!
me: what? That’s my line
you: what are you talking about "not drink lucozade"
me: well that’s full of the stuff. Isn’t it?
you: what stuff
me: glucose
you: it’s gluten you frickin’ imbecile.
me: what? Lucozade has gluten in it?
you: no you idiot. It’s gluten that yer missus has to avoid
me: why would she have to not eat gluten when she’s on a glucose free diet?
you: I can’t handle talking to you any more. Just don’t feed your missus toast…..or lucozade if it makes you feel any better.

Jul 9 2013

Tuesday 9 July 2013: Nuptials

Met for a blether in the gardens at lunchtime. This pair and their photographer arrived, spent 20 minutes getting portraits under the tree, and then wandered off, under an umbrella. Probably the only brolly that was up in scotland today as yet again it was roasting. What Monochrome didn’t realise was that the spot of grass I cunningly engineered him to sit on had been poisoned….had to take him out of the game seeing as he’s a direct competitor at the moment and all…..

After work it was up to the meadows for some cold cans of T. It was lovely sitting up there in the sun, and there was a good turnout too. Possibly the last time we’ll see the Teacher for about 10 years seeing as barin 3 is getting ever closer. Some haggis nachos wen’t down rather nicely.

you: you couldn’t win fairly so you had to cheat
me: what?
you: poisoning monochrome
me: ach it was just a wee bit of plutonium, he’ll be fine
you: and where would you get plutonium?
me: my russian contacts
you: here we go….
me: yeah last time I was out hunting on horseback with Putin I asked if he could hook me up
you: you asked the russian president to "hook you up" with some plutonium…….hang on a minute…..why am I even entertaining the thought of continuing this conversation.

Jul 8 2013

Monday 8 July 2013: Lazy days.

After a day of doing sweet f.a. Mollie needed a rest.

Scorchio again today. 25.5C in the back garden in the shade. It’s half nine and it’s still 22. The missus is still sitting outside. This is unheard of.

We have some new neighbours over the fence. They are a bit loud in the talking department, but they are foreign so the missus pointed out that it’s like being on holiday abroad. And it is. So I don’t mind them being a bit loud, just as long as they don’t start speaking English.

you: you don’t mind them talking loudly as long as you don’t know what they are saying?
me: exactly.
you: but they might be talking about you
me: I don’t care
you: they might be saying "look at that peely-wally Scottish eejit wandering around in shorts
me: they may well be, but I doubt they are using the phrase peely-wally, or eejit
you: but you don’t care?
me: what I don’t know won’t hurt me
you: in the grand scheme of things you must live a pretty pain free life then

Jul 7 2013

Sunday 7 July 2013: Scorchio

Another glorious day. And the second day in a row I have wished we had a decent lawn for Ghengis to crawl around on rather than stones. In the end we went and sat out the front on the grass weeds.

We watched the tennis. It was ace. I was jumping around in front of the telly. I haven’t done that since Mo’s 5k in the olympics last year. Ghengis found it rather amusing. Nice work Mr Murray.

Tea outside in the sunshine. Chicken roast dinner, not exactly summer fare, but the missus said it was raining when she bought it earlier in the week so I’ll let her off.

you: get a lawn then!
me: I’m trying. The bloke says it’ll be August before he can make it
you: and summer will be over
me: no doubt
you: so get another bloke
me: we had enough trouble getting one bloke to come and quote. I’m not going through that again
you: you’re just selfish then. Putting your own ease of life ahead of your daughters needs
me: gimme a break! You saw yesterday she’d probably be as happy if I left it as stones
you: don’t get a lawn then. You’re so selfish. Putting your desire for a lawn ahead of your daughters wish to play on gravel

Jul 6 2013

Saturday 6 July 2013: This isn’t the beach, it’s that way!

Ghengis got her first pair of proper shoes today. We went down for a fitting at Clarks. This afternoon she must have walked a few hundred metres in them up and down the path holding on to either my hand or the missus’. And when she wasn’t walking she wanted to inspect every bit of gravel. She wouldn’t sit on the smooth path and reach for the stones. She wouldn’t sit on my knee and reach for the stones. She would sit on the stones or she would throw a hissy fit. Those were the options.

This arvo I had a nap in the garden. I commented on how all we were missing was the sound of the sea and we could be on holiday……30 seconds later we had an app for that. And I had a nap at the seaside without ever leaving the pit. Brilliant.

Tonight we are watching a few more episodes of Elementary. It’s rather good.

you: why didn’t you give her something comfy to sit on?
me: did you read what I said above?
you: no. I rarely do. What did you say?
me: it’s up there, just read it
you: aw but that’s effort. Just tell me, you could have told my by now instead of all this typing
me: ok ok, she wouldn’t have it, she just wanted to sit on the stones
you: that wasn’t so hard now was it.

Jul 5 2013

Friday 5 July 2013: Off roading

Ghengis decided that the off road capabilities of her new buggy needed testing. I just do what I’m told.

The walk round the woods was almost too much for my sickness ravaged body. Even the gentle inclines were causing me to break out in a sweat.

Two phonecalls to family where I got told I had to cut my grass resulted in me being out with the mower this evening. Not a smart move with my drug addled brain. I could have lost a leg. And the effort was almost too much for my aforementioned illness wearied body.

Nice day with Ghengis though, and I got some nice shots of her.

you: hang on hang on
me: what?
you: sickness ravaged? Illness wearied?
me: yup
you: you have a cold! And drug addled?
me: yup
you: you’re taking paracetamol! And lost a leg?!
me: yup
you: you have a 13 year old electric flymo. You’d be lucky if it could hack off yer wee toe! You are an idiot

Jul 4 2013

Thursday 4 July 2013: It’s not a lawn….

…..it’s a wildflower meadow. I’m pretty sure this is a really rare orchid. That’s the sole reason I haven’t cut the grass for about 2 months. I’ve heard about psycho horticulturists that come after you with spades if they hear of you mowing rare plants down, so I figure I’d better not risk it.

In other news my nose is incredibly bunged up, now the missus is coming down with it too, and we’re just hoping that Ghengis doesn’t get it.

Oh, a bin bag blew past the window the other day and I got the fright of my life as I thought it was a dementor.

you: scumbag!
me: who?
you: trailer trash!
me: me?
you: ner-do-well!
me: ok, a bit old fashioned but I’m guessing still aimed at me. Now the question: Why?
you: dragging the neighbourhood down! Get yer frickin lawn mown
me: but it’s pretty
you: pretty lazy. It’s more yellow than green!

Jul 3 2013

Wednesday 3 July 2013: Secret knock.

6 days a week for the last 8 weeks I have been doing 40-80 minutes of hard exercise. I have stuck to the schedule I am working to religiously. I even managed to fit in the scheduled exercise on our wedding anniversary in the hotel when the missus went shopping. Today I woke up with a muthr funkin cold. Just one week before the end of the programme and I wasn’t able to do it. This made me one of two things : 1) delighted to have a break from it 2) totally p’d off.

I’ll give you a clue. It’s the latter.

Ghengis doesn’t want to have much to do with me at the moment. Not sure what I have done/not done to offend her.

you: you don’t do religion
me: I know. So?
you: so how can you do something religiously
me: ok, I stuck to the schedule fastidiously. Better?
you: better. and 40-80 is -40. So by that you mean you have been doing 40 minutes less exercise than usual?
me: no, between 40 and 80 minutes. Stop being so pedantic, I’m not in the mood
you: aww, poor wee diddums got a coldy woldy and it’s put him in a worse mood than usual. boo hoo.

Jul 2 2013

Tuesday 2 July 2013: Repetition (2)

6 months ago there were seven people in my team. For the next three weeks it’s just me.

Woke up this morning with a throat that felt as though I’d been gargling gravel and a head full of fuzz. My throat got a bit better

you: try washing
me: what? My throat?
you: no, in general. Then perhaps your ex-team members might not have deserted you
me: that’s not why they left
you: are you sure?
me: stop doing this to me!

Jul 1 2013

Monday 1 July 2013: Emergency!

About to fall asleep…..agggghhh no photo….pick phone off floor….snap…..done.

First day at work without FW and JS. Fun, as expected. Oh not fun isn’t what I meant, I meant farcical.

Of course I had my daily ghengis photo but I’d forgotten I’d taken that.

you: you could have moved yer kecks out of of the photo.
me: I was about to fall asleep and wasn’t exactly paying attention to the composition
you: why is there a towel by the door?
me: because that’s where it was dropped
you: why is there a dismantled cradle on the floor?
me: because that’s where it’s been for nine months
you: why is there a portrait on the floor
me: because that’s where it has been for 3 years.
you: oh right. Obviously.