Mar 31 2013

Sunday 31 March 2013: Ridiculous. Rant incoming…..

What you are looking at should have been the outright winner (on the right) of the family easter egg decorating competition, and an also ran on the left. But no. Instead every freakin’ entrant got a made up prize. So my awesome frog eating a fly got "funniest" and I have no idea what the missus got, probably "most accurate representation of an ‘In the night garden’ character". I didn’t actually make it to the judging as we were on the road, but had I been there I would have had plenty to say about it you can be assured of that. In a competition there has to be a winner and a losers, otherwise what’s the point? I am boycotting next year as a matter of principal.

Ghengis has finally learned how to roll over. This afternoon she spent ages forcing herself to overbalance and fall on her back, which was very funny to watch as she tottered between being balanced and not, then rolling on to her tummy and getting back to sitting position, only to tip herself straight on to her back again. I was very proud to see her commitment to perfecting something. It should make her mastery of all things extreme sport all the easier.

you: jeez you are a bad loser!
me: I am not!
you: what would you call it then?
me: a good winner.
you: Ha. Even though you have had to explicitly state what it is because people wouldn’t have a chance in hell of guessing what it was meant to be.
me: no!
you: yes! And what are you doing celebrating easter anyway?
me: what’s not to celebrate? Thousands of years ago a massive humanoid bunny rolled a huge chocolate egg into a cave and it hatched into a chocolate bird and ever since it has laid millions of chocolate eggs at easter time
you: and what happened to the massive humanoid bunny?
me: it had a role in Donnie Darko and hasn’t been seen since.

Mar 30 2013

Saturday 30 March 2013: cookies and cream/mud and snow

Ghengis woke us up at 5 to 6. So I put her out in the garage because we can’t here her when she’s in there. Or did I just put my earplugs in while the missus got up to deal with her? I don’t know because I’m so freakin’ tired.

Down the road to BC this arvo. There isn’t much remaining in the way of the massive drifts that there have been here, until you look up the farm tracks and you see 4ft walls of snow the diggers have cut a path through.

Out for a quick wander with dad, and apart from that my only exercise has been mashing the spuds for tea.

you: are you being serious?
me: about what?
you: are you classing mashing potatoes as exercise?
me: I sure am
you: you really are scraping the barrel now
me: brilliant, I’ll count that as well. I can feel myself getting fitter as I sit here in front of the fire with a bottle of beer.

Mar 29 2013

Friday 29 March 2013: Wake up

Pretty quiet day. I was in charge of Ghengis in the morning. We went a walk in the afternoon. And I just ate a 600g chocolate bar in one go.

you: blimey, full of accomplishments today eh.
me: yeah I’ve updated my cv with them
you: to say what?
me: I enjoy walking and eating chocolate, and can be trusted with your children
you: that sounds wrong
me: hmm. I enjoy walking and eating chocolate, and can be trusted with Ghengis
you: except you can’t. You fell asleep
me: it was only for five minutes
you: which was enough time for her to…?
me: empty my bank account, go joyriding in the car, drink everything in the drinks cabinet, and fill her nappy
you: no that’s what could have happened. What did happen
me: she tore my favourite page out of the argos catalogue
you: I don’t even want to know.

Mar 28 2013

Thursday 28 March 2013: Road to the sun

Lately the criteria for cakes that I will and won’t eat at work has been becoming more and more lax. Home made? Yup I’ll eat that. From the cicilian bakery? Yup I’ll eat that as they are incredible. Indian sweets, 50/50 butter/sugar? Yup I’ll eat that as they are delicious. Random doughnut sitting on a desk? Yup I’ll eat that. It has to stop. Along with the excessive eating out and hot chocolates from the drinks machine.

The cake from the cicillian bakery today though can be excluded. Although it was laden with cream it also had at least 5 bits of fruit on it, so that’s my 5 a day sorted.

you: 5 slices of fruit, not 5 whole fruit?
me: yeah but what difference does that make
you: none to you apparently
me: oh it was so tasty. The pastry was crisp and light. The cream was real. The fruit was fresh.
you: and no doubt slathered in some kind of syrup to keep it looking glossy
me: oh yeah totally
you: yet you still think it counts as your five a day. No wonder this countries health statistics make sad reading.
me: you think that’s sad. You should try Bambi. See when his mum gets shot….I’m welling up just thinking about it
you: idiot.

Mar 27 2013

Wednesday 27 March 2013: That bl00dy tower again!

Bit of a surprise to wake up to a couple of inches of snow this morning. It was perfect snowman building snow too. Was tempted to just be late for work and build Ghengis a snowman instead….but I didn’t.

I seem to be in yet another period of excess. Out for tea last night. Out for lunch with Sutin today. Out for tea with the missus tonight. I think I’m safe tomorrow, but who knows really.

you: you are permanently in a period of excess
me: it does sometimes feel that way.
you: about time you stopped I reckon
me: for once I’m in agreement with you. So as of the end of this week I shall watch what I eat
you: it would be better if you cut down on what you eat, not just watch it
me: as of the end of this week I shall watch and cut down what I eat.
you: much like you were gonna tidy your room in a week? How’s that working out for you? Not particularly well since you have been out every night since you said it
me: hmmm, I maybe should have said two weeks.

Mar 26 2013

Tuesday 26 March 2013: Heaven. I’m in heaven……

And my heart beats
So that I can hardly speak.
And I seem to find
The happiness I seek.
When we’re out together
Dancing cheek to cheek Eating nachos.

Oh thank goodness. After one night of awesome nachos, followed by one night of what I thought was nacho greatness, but not awesomeness, I had major concerns that I was going to be like a heroin addict, always chasing those first feelings. But it turns out I’m nothing like a heroin addict, I just like nachos. And tonight they were once again freakin’ awesome at the 52 canoes. It was the main chef that was on (I asked). Top marks to that man.

I got the 8 train home. That is 7 hours earlier than in days gone past. I can’t now comprehend how Napoleon and I used to fairly regularly stay out till 3 in the morning after our midweek pints. But we did. And we always made it to work the next day and got a days work done. I may have worn a kebab stained shirt to work the next day, but I still got a days work done. Now I need my sleep.

you: because yer a couple of nancies now
me: I don’t think that’s it
you: it is. Yer a couple of old married men that just want to go home and put their slippers on
me: I’m not married to Napoleon
you: You know that’s not what I meant
me: and I don’t even have my……oh hang on…..aye I do have my slippers on
you: next step will be a pipe, and that’ll be you. Not wanting to leave the house ever, just sitting trying to do the times crossword or sodoku.
me: mmmm, I could get some of that vanilla scented tobacco and just sniff it
you: welcome to old age.

Mar 25 2013

Monday 25 March 2013: My challenge…..

….if I choose to accept it, is to get my room tidy. In a week.

Seeing as I managed to find other things to do tonight I don’t fancy my chances. I managed to get a couple more photos from last weeks holiday onto my page though so that was productive….. ish.

Just got a message to say a couple of the ski crew got engaged at the weekend which is ace. Chris + Leigh. About time.

Open letter (no. 2) to Ghengis :

Dearest Ghengis,

6:10am is not an acceptable waking time. Sort it out.

love from Daddy.

you: it never changes
me: what?
you: the bomb site you call your study
me: it does!
you: never for the better.
me: yes it does.
you: adding more things to it does not make it better.
me: oh.
you: unless you are a magpie
me: squawk

Mar 24 2013

Sunday 24 March 2013: How do you like it?

Medium when roasted for me. Rare when well aged fillet. But based on the vastly conflicting roast beef timings I found I had not much idea how this would be. First time I’ve cooked proper roast beef for a long time. Jamie Oliver reckoned less than an hour. The other thing was saying 1hr 40. I went for 1hr5 and then 30 minutes to rest. And it was frickin perfect.

The missus’ folks arrived this arvo. It wasn’t looking likely for a while as east midlands airport was shut. In then end they were only an hour and a bit late.

Ghengis was well out of sorts in the afternoon. Poor wee chook just wasn’t for sleeping. In the end I took her a run in the rx8 and I think she gave up crying as she couldn’t hear herself over the exhaust. Whatever, she had a nap and was fine for the rest of the arvo.

you: I like mine burnt
me: what a waste
you: but the charcoal gives it flavour
me: eat some charcoal then.
you: So, back to work tomorrow?
me: why do you always have to remind me?
you: because I take great pleasure in doing so. Have you ironed a shirt yet?
me: I’ll leave it till tomorrow
you: and then not bother and go to work looking like a hobo
me: that’s my dress code.

note to self. 1.2kg of beef. first five mins at 240 then down to 200 for an hour.

Mar 23 2013

Saturday 23 March 2013: The new nannies

So the new nannies arrived today. I had to get them to switch their guns to ’stun’ rather than ‘kill’, and it all seemed to be going so well….right up to the point I tried to do a runner and leave Ghengis with them. It turns out that a TIE fighter is faster than a 320d. But then most things are.

It also turns out that you don’t ever get a break from a Ghengis. Ever. I have absolutely no idea how single parents manage. I guess you just have to get on with it, but feck me it must be hard work.

She does have a new trick though. She plays peek-a-boo by putting her hands over her eyes then pulling them away quickly. It’s very cute….the first 50 times in a row. Then when you close your eyes for a tired of saying peek-a-boo, you re-open them to find she is pulling the cables out of the back of the tv.

you: why would you hand your baby to a man dressed up as a character from star wars?
me: I had nothing to do with this other than taking the photo. Ghengis demanded she had her photo taken with them
you: and how has it taken you 10 months to realise that babies are hard work?
me: I don’t know. Some days things like that just hit me.
you: "mr insightful" should be your name really eh

Mar 22 2013

Friday 22 March 2013: Abandon Ship! (holiday day 6)

Last night was stormy. Very stormy. I got woken at half five when the baby monitor started beeping because it had lost connection with the base station due to a power-cut. Then I couldn’t get back to sleep. Then Ghengis decided she was going to wake up at ten past 6.

The weather was getting worse rather than better and the forecast was pretty horrific. And to top it off the power kept going off. So we decided to pack up and get in the liferaft/car and head home a day early. Bit of a shame really as it’s money down the pan, but we were concerned a drive home tomorrow might have been a nightmare if the snow kept up.

Anyway, we’re home. I like coming home. I like having my own sink and draining rack when I do the washing up.

you: seriously?
me: what?
you: your favourite thing about coming home is you have your own draining rack?
me: that’s just one of the benefits
you: there has to be something better than that?
me: eh, I have my tools and tape measure
you: oh yeah of course, I’m totally the same. Whenever I’m on holiday I wish I had my tools and tape measure. Oh no. Hang on. That’s the last thing on my mind. Ya freak!

Mar 21 2013

Thursday 21 March 2013: Spot the oyster catcher

A day of limited photos. Much like it was a day of limited activity. We went up to Culzean Castle to go for a walk in the grounds. But they wanted 3 quid per person for the privelidge, so we came home and went a walk along the harbour….again.

Took Ghengis for a go on the swings too. She seems to like it. So I think I’ll build her a theme park in the back garden.

Out for a bit of lunch and a drive along the coast which only heightened my desire to live by the sea. I think we have perhaps been overdoing it with our viewing of Parks and Recreation. We have been watching several episodes a day, and todays topic of conversation at lunch related to whether we thought one made up tv character was a suitable match for the other. Ghengis just looked on in disbelief.

you: I can see it I can see it!
me: what?
you: The oyster catcher
me: where?
you: top right
me: nope
you: bottom left
me: no
you: got it I got it. In the boat
me: No!
you: this is a stupid game

Mar 20 2013

Wednesday 20 March 2013: Dumfries House (holiday day 5)

Today we actually did something. We headed through to Dumfries House. It’s one of Prince Charlie Boy’s wee side projects. We like Prince Charlie Boy. It was gonna be auctioned off and he helped raise the funds to buy it at the 11th hour and restore it and keep all it’s contents safe and get them restored. £45M. Bargain.

We went on the guided tour, which is the only way to see it. Ghengis was pretty good. I had thought it would be a nightmare with her but she was mostly quiet, with only a little shoe hurling. The house has one of the largest collections of chippendale furniture in the world. When it was looking like the house was going to be auctioned off one of the cabinets had a pre-auction offer of £12M made on it. £12M, for a bookshelf? Not sure if it will add or detract value when they find Ghengis has scraped her name on it with a biro.

Quick run out to the lighthouse before tea….I’m not made for running. Then home for a steak (good), a bottle of blue top (great), and a viewing of Tower Heist (utter crap)

you: you took Ghengis on a guided tour of a stately home
me: yup
you: you were that person
me: what person?
you: the annoying person that takes a baby along making it hard for anyone else to hear what the guide is saying
me: I already told you she was pretty good and quiet
you: to you she was pretty good and quiet
me: no she was too cute in her fancy wee frock for folk to be mad, they just kept waving at her
you: they weren’t waving at her, they were trying to ’shoo’ you away
me: oh

Mar 19 2013

Tuesday 19 March 2013: Going nowhere fast (holiday day 4)

I didn’t think any day could ever come close to the excitement of yesterday. How wrong was I?! Today we drove around back roads listening to radio 2 for an hour while Ghengis had a kip, then we went for lunch, then we came back to the holiday house and had a cuppa. Party on!

Out for half an hour to the harbour with the camera and it was freakin’ baltic. Now I know how it feels to be one of the fishermen on Deadliest Catch.

you: Radio 2? How old are you?
me: Haven’t we had this conversation before? I like radio 2, get over it.
you: I bet you parked up at a viewpoint and had a cup of tea from a flask too
me: we didn’t have a flask
you: And you think half an hour on a harbour equates to a 24 hour shift on the rolling deck of a crab boat in the baring sea
me: totally
you: was it sub zero?
me: no
you: was the sea spray freezing when it hit your face?
me: there wasn’t really much spray
you: were you at risk of falling overboard at any time?
me: hmm, not really, the harbour was pretty solid
you: not really the same then.

Mar 18 2013

Monday 18 March 2013: A room with a view. (holiday day 3)

Almost more excitement than I could possibly bear today…..we drove in to Ayr and wandered round some shops. We did our usual dithering about where to go for lunch. We like to support local places, so always check out tripadvisor. But then when we get to them we don’t like the look of them or we can’t get the buggy in or whatever. Anyway, today we had one more place to try and failing that it was either the cafe in M&S or Burger King. It looked ok so we went in. The service wasn’t great, so we only had a sarnie and then went to M&S for a cuppa. Think we’ll just skip the faffing and go straight for a BK next time!

What’s the source of money in Ayr? There was a brand new row of million pound houses, we drove in to the estate but couldn’t bring ourselves to go in to the show home. Wish we had now, they looked incredible.

Watched "The Amazing Spiderman" tonight. I reckon he had a hand in the naming of the film, I would have called it "The Awright Spiderman"

you: Still dreaming I see
me: how so?
you: going anywhere near million quid houses
me: we were just looking
you: I would have had security throw you out
me: you’d have me thrown out of the supermarket or anywhere else for that matter though
you: Too right, we don’t like your sort around these parts
me: and what sort is that?
you: strange.

Mar 17 2013

Sunday 17 March 2013: Ailsa Craig and oyster catchers (holiday day 2)

Bit of a wander in the morning. Spotted an incredible house on the shore. We’ve always talked of living by the sea when we retire. This place would be perfect…..a couple of million should cover it. Then spotted a copy of one of dad’s sculptures in it’s garden. Annoying.

Mum and dad arrived just after lunch. Dad and I headed up to a vintage tractor and horse ploughing event but had missed it. So went back to the house and we all went a wander along to the harbour. Dad spotted the clone of his sculpture. Should have taken him the other way instead. But we still had a nice wander along the harbour and then out on to the rocks.

A bit of tea, and now me n’ the missus are just watching the got to dance final. First time I’ve ever seen any mistakes from Diversity. Still awesome though.

you: you know how to live eh?
me: what?
you: a vintage tractor and horse ploughing event?!
me: exciting stuff eh
you: and you missed it. Oh, and dream on.
me: with respect to what
you: you ever having a house by the sea
me: Oh that’ll happen. It just might not cost a couple of million
you: a tent on the beach won’t count
me: campervan?
you: No.

Mar 16 2013

Saturday 16 March 2013: Through the keyhole:the disco dunny(holiday day1)

A pretty rank day for the first day of our holiday. Sleet and rain all the way to the holiday house. Luckily it’s a nice place, but oh my giddy aunt is it creaky! It’s a new build but I think they have done everything they possibly could to make sure all the floors creak, it’s ridiculous. I couldn’t live here. I dare say the owners have never actually stayed here as if they had then I’m sure they’d sort it out.

A trip to asda to pick up some bits and bobs was improved by dancing up and down the Aisles with Ghengis.

Some nice big chunks of steak for tea, and then we watched the Bourne Legacy, which we thought started better than it finished.

you: you’re freakin’ unbelievable!
me: why thank you
you: it wasn’t a compliment, ya perv!
me: what have I done now?
you: taking a photo of a shower through a keyhole
me: there’s no one in it!
you: yet!
me: and it’s not through the keyhole, its’ just a lens not meant for that camera
you: whatever, perv

Mar 15 2013

Friday 15 March 2013: One of the lucky ones

Comic Relief day today. I had barely any idea it was coming, I’ve barely heard mention of it apart from a wee bit on the radio, and I certainly haven’t seen any fundraising. Hopefully they still raise a massive total.

My wee Ghengis is one of the lucky ones I guess. She’ll hopefully never want for anything (except for a pony, she’s not getting a freakin’ pony), and touch wood she will never be ill. So seeing those poor wee mites in Africa that have literally nothing and are at deaths door as a result of some easily preventable disease is pretty tough to watch. We watched less than usual this year, not because of the hard to watch videos, but because all the filler and "comedy" was guff.

I like buying ‘things’. I don’t really care what the ‘things’ are, I just like to know what I’m getting for my money when we donate. One year I decided to buy what equated to a couple of sheds, because one of the videos showed an old dude that had been given a wee tin shack and he looked so happy with it. This year we’ve gone for a pile of mosquito nets. I hope they find their way to someone in need. If you can spare a bob or two, go on, you know you want to donate

you: I’ll leave you be tonight seeing as you are being philanthropic
me: which just means I’ll get a double dose of abuse tomorrow?
you: pretty much. And you are aware that your money doesn’t buy exactly what you want right?
me: aw come on, I want the nets!
you: Tough. Don’t worry though, we’re still aware you dislike about 95% of the general public
me: it’s only 94% actually.

Mar 14 2013

Thursday 14 March 2013: Double Dragon.

It was my team lead, DW’s leaving do tonight. His last day was yesterday. He’s off to NZ soon with his missus and bairn. We have been tracking the ship containing all his worldly possessions on the awesome It appears that his ship has gone M.I.A, perhaps his beloved superman pants will never arrive. Good guy, good luck to him.

Anyway, we went to Yes! Sushi. I had never been, and probably never would have gone on account of it always looking empty. But it was very tasty. Wasn’t entirely sure about the "hot pots" that a lot of other diners had. Basically a big pot of boiling water, and a huge mound of raw razor clams and other fish. I’m a fairly adventurous eater, but I’m not sure I would have like that.

you: you’re not an adventurous eater, putting anything on toast does not make you adventurous, it makes you odd.
me: maybe I got the wrong word
you : aye, voracious would be a better choice of word
me: aww come on, I’m not that bad
you: so you had a starter?
me: aye.
you: and a main meal
me: yup
you: and got home and had?
me: half a pizza
you: yup, you are that bad.

Mar 13 2013

Wednesday 13 March 2013: Knave

Something happened today

you: what?
me: I have no freakin’ idea
you: alien abduction?
me: possibly
you: you won the lottery?
me: unlikely without a ticket
you: It was only one day ago, seeing as this is a back blip
me: I know, but I don’t recall it
you: well this has been thoroughly riveting
me: oh. Oh. Oh. I remember. The only way I could get change from a tenner this morning was to buy a scone from greggs.
you: brilliant. What a day.

Mar 12 2013

Tuesday 12 March 2013: Flyin’ high.

Blimey. 1095 blips. 3 years. Mental. What started out as a 365 seems to have morphed somewhat into, well, "life".

Not a lot has changed in the 3 years since I started really. The most significant change is probably that I got a new camera.

Oh, and that wee bundle of awesome flying above my head. Actually, now I come to think of it, she’s the most significant change. Ghengis: you rock.

I had to get this idea for a blip out of the way sharpish as she’s getting too heavy to throw up that high for much longer….it’s a good job our room has high ceilings.

you: you put your camera before Ghengis in the "most significant changes" pile?
me: only briefly
you: briefly is long enough.
me: it’s because I’m in a daze. I’m suffering
you: any particular reason?
me: we went back to the house of ultimate nachos from last week. They weren’t quite as good.
you: why on earth did you do that?! You said yourself going back was a bad idea!
me: I know I know. Don’t get me wrong, they were still superb, just not the perfection in a bowl they were last week.
you: awright awright enough of the nachos already. It’s a blip birthday, surely you have something else to say?
me: eh….it was cold and sunny this moring?
you: let’s just leave it at that.

all the usual thanks to the blip team and anyone that pops by for a read from time to time. I hope you get some enjoyment out of it. Cheers.

Mar 11 2013

Monday 11 March 2013: Walkies

In the 20 or so seconds it took me to get my glove off, get the phone out, and take this photo while I was cycling along, my hand nearly froze off. I think that puts me on a par with Sir Ranulph Fiennes and his recent abandonment of an attempt on the North Pole in winter.

you: seriously?
me: what?
you: you are comparing your 5 minute cycle to the station to one of the worlds most mental adventurer’s latest feat of daring?
me: very similar scenarios. So yes. I am.
you: one was in the north pole in -30C, the other was Falkirk in -3C
me: right, so just the location was different really
you: and you were going from your warm house to a warm train
me: much like he was no doubt going from one tent to another
you: and he risked pretty much instant frostbite. What did you risk?
me: missing my train? Falling off my bike?
you: ah, when you put it like that, totally similar. Idiot.

Mar 10 2013

Sunday 10 March 2013: Happy Mothers day

Since it was the missus first year as a participant in mothers day Molly decided to bring a bird in for her, at 7 this morning. Poor wee thing. It was still alive and didn’t look in too bad a state so I just held on to him for a wee while in my hand to keep him warm and let him calm down, then took him outside and he promptly flew off.

As a special treat I took the missus to B&Q, Homebase, and bathroom world. As mothers day’s go I doubt she’ll see a finer one.

Apart from that we watched 10 episodes of Parks and Recreation. Meaning I have met my exercise target for the weekend.

you: yup, if I’m ever attacked by a tiger that’s what I’d want to help calm me down
me: what?
you: to be held in the crushing digits of a freakin’ giant
me: I was gentle
you: And you released him in to a blizzard. How kind of you
me: there wasn’t a blizzard at the time!
you: And I bet yer missus can’t wait until mothers day next year. Bathroom world? You old charmer!

Mar 9 2013

Saturday 9 March 2013: Repetition

Through to the swamp today to catch up with Fat Mungo et al, which was ace. Ate a bit too much though. Ghengis was a good girl, even if we did almost forget to feed her at her usual time. She didn’t seem that bothered, seeing as she ate about a kilo of pasta for lunch.

Home, and out to Mama Oishi’s to get tea. I’ve nearly had all the mains on the menu now, so we had a wee selection of starters instead. Ate a bit too much though.

you: twice?
me: what?
you: you "ate a bit too much"
me: aye.
you: are you a goldfish?
me: not last time I looked, no
you: so why don’t you learn from yer mistakes, ya freakin numpty?
me: I just like food.
you: Apparently. And how boring are you. Your blips are just "nachos, random junk, ghengis, what you had for tea, ghengis, random junk, ghengis" ad nauseum
me: hmm, yes, bit of an inspirational rut at the moment
you: well snap out of it. hehe. Did you see what I did there? Snap. Like a photo.
me: hilarious. Congratulations.

Mar 8 2013

Friday 8 March 2013: I’m gonna wash that baby rice right outta my hair.

Not sure why I find myself singing tunes from South Pacific but I do.

Got my actual bonus figures from work and straight away went and bought a thermal imager.

Looked after Ghengis again this arvo to give the missus a chance to get out of the house bambino free.

you: what the frick do you need a thermal imager for?
me: hmm, I guess I don’t, but I’ve always wanted one
you: but why?
me: so I can see the temperature of things
you: ah of course! I’m often walking down the street wondering what temperature things are
me: me too!
you: No. I have never found myself doing that. Ever.
me: Oh. Well I’ve decided that it will help dad get to the bottom of why his old car causes problems when it’s hot.
you: oh that’s nice, you’re thinking of others for a change
me: if he can afford to hire it from me.
you: that’s not so nice.

Mar 7 2013

Thursday 7 March 2013: Well done.

Arrived at work and there was a table with hundreds of these wee cupcakes laid out on it. The financial results for the year had been released, which meant it was also bonus pot announcement day. There were some pretty mental %’s up for grabs for some folk.

Wish I’d got the promotion I went for last year as I woulda been in line for sommat like 25-35% bonus! Had I got the promotion and got a better rating I could have been in line for a 47% bonus……. Had I got the promotion, then straight away gone on to get another one, and got a rating of exceptional, then I could have got an 87% bonus. Mental. The guys in that category must be on whacking big salaries as it is. Ok it’s not the £M bonuses the banking sector seem to land, but as I always remember Auslaender saying, even the smallest bonus is exactly that, a bonus, so not to be sniffed at.

you: "if only I had got…." etc is pointless
me: I know, but it’s nice to dream
you: still pointless. And how many of these cakes did you eat exactly? The trayful would be my guess
me: actually I just had one
you: aye right!
me: I did, it was so sweet it felt like my teeth were falling out
you: are you ever gonna stop complaining? "my bonus wasn’t big enough, the cakes were too sweet" You should be glad you got anything!
me: I haven’t complained once! You seem awful bitter
you: too right! Where’s my bonus? Where’s my cake?
me: you’d have to get a rating better than "obnoxious"

Mar 6 2013

Wednesday 6 March 2013: Reversed

back to front 30 or OE, who knows? Who cares? No-one? Thought not.

I am using the fact that the missus is out and I am looking after ghengis as an excuse to not do any exercise….even though she’s been asleep for the last 2 hours and won’t be awake for the next 10.

you: I care!
me: about what?
you: the door
me: why?
you: because you don’t.
me: so basically you are just being awkward?
you: no it’s you that’s being awkward by doing the opposite to me
me: but I said my bit first!
you: no you didn’t
me: a go away you silly little man

Mar 5 2013

Tuesday 5 March 2013: Feast your eyes.

What you are currently looking at are the best nachos I have ever eaten. I have eaten a lot of nachos. I have eaten a lot of great Henricks nachos, which until about 645pm tonight were the best nachos in town. Then these were put in front of me. We have a new champion.

They. Were. Incredible. I was quite literally speechless as I ate them. I don’t consider myself a selfish person at all, but when it comes to nachos it is, in general, a case of "if you touch my nachos I will kill you". These were so good I felt I had to share them, I couldn’t keep their awesomeness to myself. They were that good. Just look at them. Every corner a delight. Sour cream. Guacamole. Jalapenos. Salsa. I could understand some people taking offence at the pineapple content of the salsa. They would be wrong.

Cheese dispersion was perfect. Quantity was perfect. Price was stunning. And the remaining point that sent them soaring above any other nachos I have ever eaten was the temperature, which is so often a failing in other establishments. They were piping hot throughout.

I asked the waitress if I could go and speak to the chef. She looked scared and said he was busy.

52 Canoes Tiki Den. Go there.

I got home and raved about them to the missus. "You’re drunk" was the response. I’m not. I realised I was euphoric. As a result of a bowl of nachos.

you: you are freakin’ mental
me: oh they were so so good though
you: it was a bowl of crispy bits with mince on
me: Oh no. They were so much more. They were perfection in a bowl
you: well that’s it then. Your life’s work is complete
me: I know. Apart from the missus and ghengis and my family and friends, what is there to live for?
you: another bowl?
me: I don’t know if I can. I’m scared. What if I go back and they aren’t as good. I’m not sure I could take it.
you: that’s it. You are a confirmed lunatic.

Mar 4 2013

Monday 4 March 2013: No Bills Allowed

I’m going to try painting that on the side of my house and see how I get on.

you: not too well I’d imagine
me: probably not
you: you don’t know anyone called Bill for a start
me: boom boom. Oh, Ghengis has a new trick
you: I’ve told you before, she’s not here for your entertainment. But go on, what is it?
me: if you say "kisses" to her she starts smacking her lips.
you: like a horse on "That’s life"?
me: you’re showing your age there. Well I think it’s cute and I don’t care what you say.

Mar 3 2013

Sunday 3 March 2013: Desperation

I took a couple of wrong turns on the bike today and ended up doing 30 miles. It was a bit on the chilly side but I kept a decent average pace up so that kept me mostly warm enough.

We decided to give Ghengis some slightly chunkier food. I’m gonna kill whoever told her about the ‘you should chew your food 40 times’ nonsense, every mouthful was taking frickin ages and it was doing my head in.

Got round to posting a wee set of photos from the other week: Deserted Diner

you: "mostly" warm?
me: aye, the extremities were a bit chilly
you: I don’t want to know!
me: don’t ask then

Mar 2 2013

Saturday 2 March 2013: New kit.

This is my new camera. It has a puppy that pops up when you take a photo. None of my others do that. It talks to the subject: "Nice smile", that’s better than I manage. It plays tunes to keep me amused, the 5dii doesn’t do that. All in all I think I’m on to a winner, I just can’t work out how to get the lens cap off.

Another beautifully sunny day. Got out on the mountain bike for half an hour.

Then we headed through to stirling for a bit of lunch and a wander…and to pick up some organic vege’s for Ghengis’ food. She might be getting the best food, but for a bairn her carbon footprint is frickin’ massive.

Mama Oishi for tea. We had starters, the soup was delicious.

you: has that really been some form of cycling based exercise 3 days this week?
me: aye
you: by the sounds of things you are trying to get fit?
me: aye
you: all except for the takeaway food, of which you no doubt ate too much
me: aye
you: can’t you say anything else tonight?
me: naw, well, aye…
you: too full
me: aye.

Mar 1 2013

Friday 1 March 2013: Bin day.

"You’re going to get to go for a ride in the back of a big truck. It’s going to be so much fun, you’ll love it. Bye now. Goodbye. Bye."

Beautiful sunny day again. Ten miles on the turbo in the back garden with the baby monitor next to me again. Then I took Ghengis for a walk for an hour up through the woods. She was quiet as a mouse so I’m not sure if she enjoyed it or not.

Oh, I had a flash of culinary genius this afternoon. I’m sure a folk will want to try it for themselves so here is the recipe :

* three slices of bread
* butter
* can of rice pudding.
* toast bread
* apply butter while toast still hot so it melts
* open can of rice pudding
* pour rice pudding on to toast.

It was rather nice. Oh damn it I forgot one of the ingredients and steps

* squeeze salad cream over rice pudding

It’s that sort of lack of attention to detail that probably means my cookery book isn’t going to do quite as well as one of Jamie or Nigela’s

you: I don’t think it’s going to be the lack of attention to detail that’s the issue
me: I know, I don’t have a figure like Nigela or her sexy voice, that could be a problem
you: not what I was thinking
me: I’m not a cheeky chappy like Jamie?
you: no, something more fundamental than that I think
me: I’m not sure what it could be?
you: how about that your eating habits are boak inducing?!