Jan 31 2013

Thursday 31 January 2013: Black chasm of doom

It’s been a while since we went climbing. 2 months probably. But at least we can say we made it in January. We both managed better than expected after such a long break, but I think my arms will be knackered tomorrow.

Finding it hard to go in to work these days. Not because work is terrible, it’s fine, but because before I leave I go and get Ghengis up and bring her through to our room and she sits and chats away to us. I’d rather hear what she has to say than head for the train. Although I am enjoying reading the hunger games when I’m on the train at the moment, it certainly makes the journey pass quickly

The weather continues to be utterly rank.

That is all.

you: woah, they must be made of solid steel or something?
me: Is that a compliment? Are you talking about my arms?
you: no, was referring to the ropes. Surely regular ropes couldn’t hold your lard a$$ up!
me: hardy ha.
you: and what does Ghengis have to say that’s so interesting?
me: mostly baa baaaa ba baaa ba. With an occasional gaaa
you: aw, cute
me: I know eh.
you: Naw. It’s drivel. It doesn’t even make sense.


Jan 30 2013

Wednesday 30 January 2013: Lies, all lies!

On the box it says something along the lines of "bringing all the best bits of the hit BBC game show from the studio to your living room". I knew straight away either it was a lie or Richard Osmond is an extreme contortionist. He’s 6′7", the box is 4" high. No way he’s in there. And he wasn’t. Neither was Alexander Armstrong. So that’s 2 of the best bits of the show missing. Then there’s the noise the scoreboard makes. That’s not in there either.

Finally got my facebook page for my wee business set up. Any "likes" or "shares" or whatever the other terminology for facebook might be would be appreciated!

you: much like you
me: yeah yeah Pointless, I know. Can you not be bothered to come up with a decent put down?
you: can you not be bothered to come up with a decent photo?
me: I was too busy tonight. Getting website stuff done and babysitting
you: for the last time, looking after your own child is not babysitting! And she’ll have been asleep the whole time anyway so you haven’t had to do anything
me: that’s beside the point. I was in charge of the household
you: a sleeping baby and no doubt a sleeping cat. Oh the hardship and responsibility!


Jan 29 2013

Tuesday 29 January 2013: Candle lit beer.

"that’s your motto" or words to that effect, were the missus comment on this photo.

Went and got tickets for the Lion King. £150 for two tickets?! It had better be freakin incredible!

Good night at the boozer. Napoleon got the listen to Shanice again, Oz put some Mark Owen on for me, and I put a bit of Billy Ray Cyrus on for everyone. Thankfully they were free credits on the juke box and we didn’t actually pay for said tunes.

you: Mark Owen?
me: aye
you: MARK OWEN?!
me: yeah, what of it?
you: I’m not sure I can be in the same room as someone that admits to liking a mark owen song.
me: I went as far as to buy "Green Man"
you: I feel nauseous. I can’t talk on this subject any more. £150 for 2 tickets?!
me: aye I know! A bit steep eh!
you: for that price you’d better be riding on Simba’s back for the entire show.
me: ach I’d pay that just to see Be Prepared done well.
you: I’ll sing it for 20 quid.


Jan 28 2013

Monday 28 January 2013: Ready and waiting

Yay. My flyers arrived today for the camera lessons I have set up. Really pleased with them. I suspect they will be filling waste paper baskets in houses all around falkirk in the coming weeks. Maybe I’ll get an odd job out of it though, that would be cool.

As predicted, today has been freakin’ rank. Got soaked on the way home from work. Still, that’s better than getting soaked on the way too work and sitting all day in wet trousers and shoes

you: how big are they?!
me: 210 *105 mm
you: hardly going to "fill" waste paper baskets then are they
me: well, no.
you: unless you hand them all to one person, and they crumpled them really loosely. Then they might fill a bin
me: hey that’s a good id……
you: stop right there. Walking up to someone and handing them 1000 flyers is not a good idea
me: the look of confusion on their face might make for a good blip though
you: That’s true. How are you going to distribute them?
me: hire a light aircraft, open the door, and chuck them out
you: Thought so. But how are you going to distribute them?
me: I’m paying the missus and Ghengis 0.5 p per flyer.
you: Tight git. I’m sure the nearest bin will enjoy reading them all and it’ll serve you right.


Jan 27 2013

Sunday 27 January 2013: Just in time

Well, that’s next years christmas card sorted. Finally got round to setting up the studio kit and getting Ghengis elf’d up. Good job too, if I’d waited much longer it wouldn’t have fit her any more. Got my santa outfit out too, but for some reason didn’t put my reindeer one on. Fail. Or perhaps not depending on your opinion of grown men wearing reindeer onesies.

Went down to a local wedding fair to speak to the organiser. The next ones she has spaces at are August and October…. which is past the traditional wedding season I guess. Think I’ll still see if I can get a space though.

Wild day today. The weather, not my behaviour. Very windy. Very wet. I think I’m gonna have a soggy week at work

me: oh the weather outside is frightful
you: but the fire is so delightful.
me: and since we’ve no place to go
you: let it blow a gale and pi$$ down to soak rxs on his way to work.


Jan 26 2013

Saturday 26 January 2013: Life’s a beech

My spyder pro monitor calibrator arrived today…..that’s 100 quid I should have kept in my pocket.

Out for a quick wander in Callander Park with the missus and Ghengis. As is to be expected they are stomping off into the distance in this photo.

We decided we would watch a film tonight. A whole film! In one sitting! Quite a feat, I wasn’t sure we would manage. Decided to try the month free trial of Lovefilm……and couldn’t find anything we wanted to watch. So tried the month free trial of Netflix, and drew up a shortlist of films that seemed to mostly be from 2007. Nice technology, shame the library of films is guff.

Anyway, we watched Shooter. Which was awright. And we did manage to watch the whole thing in one go. Yay us.

you: I thought the library of films they had was quite good?
me: they both seemed to be a bit outdated
you: so are you, so that should have been fine.
me: it was offering us Karate Kid. I thought there must have been a recent re-make, but no, it was the original
you: and you didn’t watch it? You are a loser
me: it’s nearly 30 years old! Surely there have been other great films since then?
you: why would there need to be? Wax on. Wax off.
me: I remember the time….
you: I don’t want to yet again hear the story of how "wax on. wax off" saved your life in a bar room brawl
me: why. That’s a great story. I wouldn’t have been here today if….
you: it’s a lie. You live in a dream world!


Jan 25 2013

Friday 25 January 2013: Stay off it!

Ghengis had her new sofa for her playroom delivered today. She was particularly delighted that her personal dresser had selected a suit that matched her wallpaper and the rug in her room for this photo.

The missus and I went for a seat on it but were shouted at. Apparently if you’re not colour coordinated, less than 2ft tall, and unable to speak any discernible words other than ba-ba-ba-ba-baa then you’re not welcome.

Having decided that we wouldn’t spend the extra £100 on scotchguard Ghengis decided to dribble all over the couch.

Out for lunch today, and I got rather annoyed by my banana milkshake. For £2.75 it should have been made with real fruit and ice cream and stuff, not just be a pokey wee glass of nesquik.

And finally it would appear that the snow that has been plaguing the rest of the country this week has finally arrived here. The snow tyres work.

you: still no toys though
me: she can’t have it all
you: so you’ve chosen to give her wallpaper, a rug, and a couch instead of toys
me: she has plenty of toys
you: just not in her playroom
me: oh no no no
you: any particular reason?
me: the room’s far too nice for sticky fingered wee midgets
you: you only let her play in the garage, don’t you.


Jan 24 2013

Thursday 24 January 2013: New toys

I finally gave in…

you: yawn

waiting on 240+GB SSD’s…..

you: yawn, lists of letters

to drop to £100 and just bought myself a new computer

you: just looks like a pile of bits
me: well it was when I took this
you: and I don’t care
me: but I’ve built it now
you: and I still don’t care.


Jan 23 2013

Wednesday 23 January 2013: Leave some for me.

Met Honined for a bit of lunch at Taste of Italy. I left disappointed. Think that’s twice now. While the meal I had was delicious (ricotta ravioli with a cream and porcini mushroom sauce), it was tiny. Like "did you drop half of it on the way over?" tiny. So tiny that I asked for a bit of bread, which arrived wafer thin and virtually see through….and they charged me 50p for it!

Anyway, as I left I noticed all these seagulls chowing down on a big pile of bread someone had dumped in the middle of the roundabout. I ran over to grab some but they were too quick and flew off with it all. So I went to greggs and got a haggis pie.

you: shock! Horror! RXS finds portions too small
me: No. It was too small.
you: No. You are a porker.
me: had it been a starter it would have been fine.
you: oink. Did you really got for a pie afterwards?
me: I had too or my tummy would have been rumbling all afternoon
you: oink oink.


Jan 22 2013

Tuesday 22 January 2013: Really?

People still use these things? I don’t think I’ve seen someone actually making use of a phonebox for anything other than shelter from the rain in about 10 years!

Few quick jars and a bite to eat at the boozer. We have a new local. We have migrated there because we are old gits and like it because it’s quiet. They also have decent beers, we get table service, and the food is awright too. The music was pretty dire tonight though. Just for napoleon : this

you: you’re married.
me: so?
you: why are you hitting on yer mate
me: eh, I’m not
you: so why do you posting links to songs proclaiming you "love his smile"
me: no no no you’ve taken this all out of context
you: have I?
me: yes
you: really?
me: YES! It was just odd that he just proclaimed that he liked Shanice’ "I love your smile".
you: now yer hitting on me!
me: I’m typing the name of a song!
you: oh


Jan 21 2013

Monday 21 January 2013: Yes my name is Iggle Piggle…..

"What the frick are you gonna do about it? Punk!"

Oh yeah when Ghengis is around he’s all sweetness and light, squeaking and jumping around. The minute she goes to bed though it’s a different story. Bad @ss Iggle Piggle comes out to play. He’s one foul mouthed bar-steward.

I had hoped that we’d manage to get Ghengis to adulthood with her having never owned a branded toy. I never had any. All mine were non branded "alternatives". Like the "transformer" that I never managed to transform. Not once. And the "it’s not quite a thundercat but it kind of looks like one if you squint" action figure. I think i had a stick that looked a bit like an action man once too.

Actually now I come to think of it I did have one real toy. I had a real C-3pO.

you: hahah
me: you find something amusing it seems
you: yeah
me: what?
you: I think you can tell a lot about a man from the toys he had as a child
me: and?
you: you had C3PO
me: ah, you are referring to my skill with language I take it? I’m not quite fluent in over six million forms of communication but I can say hello in french
you: naw, I was thinking more along the lines that C3PO is as camp as they come.


Jan 20 2013

Sunday 20 January 2013: Lesson 1. Aperture priority

Did my first run through of the basic photography lesson I have been putting together today. A mate from work that bought an slr for christmas then put it back in the box when he decided it was too complicated came through for me to practice on. It’s only meant to be a 1 hour 1:1 lesson covering the basics, so ISO, aperture and shutter speed, but it took over 2 hours. Too many practical demonstrations I think. Anyway, he said he thought I was covering all the right stuff and he felt confident enough to go and have another go with his camera now, so that was cool. I did the flyer design on Friday so I just need to get that off to the printers.

Apart from that, bit of a wander with the missus and Ghengis and that was it. Cold, but no snow here.

you: you’re mental!
me: an accusation often aimed at me. Why so tonight though?
you: you actually think anyone will pay you for a lesson in photography
me: why not?
you: do you ever actually look at the photos you post?
me: granted, my blips are often poor quality
you: often? Try always
me: naw, when I put my mind to it I can take a nice photo
you: just you keep telling yersel that
me: I know how to take a nice photo. And I know how to use a camera. That’s what I’m banking on people being interested in.
you: Dial to auto. Point. Click. Done.
me: can i interest you in a 1 hour lesson that will teach you all you need to know to get out of auto mode?
you: no.


Jan 19 2013

Saturday 19 January 2013: Small person in da’ house

Out for a bit of lunch with the missus, Ghengis, and the bro-in law. Ghengis had her super cute wee proper coat on and it looked cool hung on the coat stand.

Tonight the missus and I have sat and tried to do the logo quiz thing on the ipad. It made a nice change from watching tat on telly. And it’s slightly concerning how many random logos I knew….brainwashed?

you: look in to my eyes, not around the eyes, look in to my eyes….and….you’re under
me: eh…
you: shut up! You’re under. I now have control of you
me: but…
you: stop talking, I didn’t tell you to talk. You’re hypnotised, you can only do what I tell you
me: I don’t…..
you: zip. zippit. shhhhh. When you wake up you will hop around the room making noises like a monkey
me: but I am awake.
you: aww ffs. Whatever. Anyway, why is there a coat stand in the middle of the hallway
me: I moved it there to take the photo
you: but did you put it back where it came from?
me: ehhh…
you: when I snap my fingers you will run naked through town until you get to your lunch venue where you will appologise profusely and hop round the room while making monkey noises
me: what is it with you and hopping monkeys?


Jan 18 2013

Friday 18 January 2013: Very strange.

Went out the back to stick some stuff in the bin and noticed this strange ice sculpture in one of the boxes that sits full of water round there. It kind of freaked me out. Why has it done this? Is it trying to morph into a life form of some sort. Are we going to end up with a scary shouty ice woman like in the christmas dr who?

you: why do you have boxes of water?
me: it’s not intentional. It should just be ‘boxes’
you: so why isn’t it?
me: because I live in scotland and it rains a lot?
you: but why do you even have boxes?
me: you’re asking the wrong person
you: but it’s your freakin’ house!


Jan 17 2013

Thursday 17 January 2013: Smooth criminal

Ghengis is being very shouty at the moment. She’s always been quite loud with her "aaaaagh"’s, but these days it’s more of an "AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHH", as loud as she possibly can. She puts a lot of effort in, she even throws her head forward to try and eek out that last wee bit of volume. And sometimes she does it non stop, for ages. She’s not crying. She’s not even upset. She’s just making sure everyone within a 300 yard radius is aware that she’s around.

Anyway, today it drove the missus to crime. She had popped in to boots to get a couple of quick prints done, and Ghengis was on top shouty form. She had been for ages, and the missus was getting stressed/embarassed, so she grabbed the prints from the machine and left. Du-du-duhhhh (dramatic music) without paying. She was half way home before she realised and went back to pay.

At the weekend I am taking Ghengis to test drive an aston martin. When I drive off with it I am using the same excuse as the missus.

you: crime doesn’t pay you know
me: it would if I sold the aston
you: but then what would you do with the money?
me: buy an aston
you: and what does that sound like to you?
me: money laundering?
you: No. Stupidity.


Jan 16 2013

Wednesday 16 January 2013: Another…..

….in the "I had one of those when I was wee" series. Also known as "bollocks I haven’t taken any photos today, what’s lying about that I could use" series.

Wedding photos online for the clients. Just got to wait and hope they like them now.

Contacted a wedding fayre organiser to see if I can get a stand at their next fayre. It was fully booked so no go. Ach well, at least when I die I can now say "at least I tried"

you: once
me: what?
you: you tried once
me: that counts
you: and gave up?
me: I wouldn’t say gave up.
you: so what would you say?
me: I dunno…..I became disheartened
you: you gave up. You tried one wedding fayre and gave up
me: awright awright I’ll try and find another


Jan 15 2013

Tuesday 15 January 2013: Start them young

Ghengis’ first trip to Taste of Italy. I think she maybe got away with bringing her own food today, but they’ll probably make her wait outside while I have my pizza if she does it again.

Had the day off, so through to town for the missus birthday.

And we went to John Lewis to spend some of the vouchers from work. Got a digital radio for the back lounge, now we need to decide what to do with my separates system that rarely gets used. I’m not sure I can bring myself to sell it

you: two questions
me: fire away
you: yer missus seems to have been getting birthday treats for weeks now?
me: it does seem rather like that eh?
you: and you took her to the cafe you go to from work….for her birthday treat?
me: yup
you: how romantic.
me: she wanted to go! She wanted to know why I kept going every other day
you: and did she like it?
me: that’s three questions, she thought it was awright
you: and did she like her "roarsome" card you mentioned yesterday?
me: that’s four questions. The jury is out.


Jan 14 2013

Monday 14 January 2013: E-m-e-r-g-e-n-c-y

Wander up town at lunch to get the missus something for her birthday. It wasn’t to be from me, it was from Ghengis, who had given me strict instructions regarding what I was to buy and how much it was to cost.

I got 5 birthday cards for a quid from the Card Factory. I liked their slogan, sommat like "if it’s the thought that counts why does everyone else charge so much?"

This was the only photo I took. That’s another of my emergency blips used up

you: 5 cards for a quid?
me: aye, bargain eh
you: more like tight git! They can’t have much to them
me: they have a picture, some words, and an envelope. What more is required?
you: and have you actually read the words?
me: yeah, I’m not sure what a "roarsome" day is. I assume it’s something to do with the lion on the front
you: you got yer missus a card with a lion on the front?
me: and 4 others
you: I’m sure she’ll be delighted!


Jan 13 2013

Sunday 13 January 2013: Em(ental)

It was snowing this morning when I got up, then it just remained grey and pretty miserable for the rest of the day. Nonetheless Em had a 7 mile run in her marathon training schedule so off she went. I didn’t even want to open the window to take this photo let alone go out running. But I got the bike out and went and joined her for the last bit. It was nice to just get out of the house.

The missus first night away from Ghengis didn’t go so well, she was sick most of the night. That’s the missus, not Ghengis. Which sucks as I was hoping she’d have a nice time and a bit of a break.

you: I’d hope you were!
me: you’d hope I was what?
you: hoping yer missus had a nice time
me: well of course I was!
you: I wouldn’t put it past you
me: what?
you: hoping she’d have a rubbish time so you didn’t get left in charge. Like breaking something when you are washing up so you don’t get asked to do it again, but in reverse.
me: fixing something when I am washing up?
you: you know what I meant.
me: not really.


Jan 12 2013

Saturday 12 January 2013: Mama Oishi rocks

I ache all over today. I don’t remember being this tired after the other weddings I’ve shot.

Had a nice day today with Jenelope and Ghengis as the missus has gone out for the day and night with Em. Jenelope stayed around to help me sort out the photos from the wedding, it was great having a second set of eyes to go over them….and of course she helped out loads with Ghengis as usual.

Got us a Mama Oishi take away for tea, and it was freakin’ delicious, again. This is the sesame in sweet chili chicken, and satay chicken.

Ghengis has moved on from speaking parseltongue and has started having wee conversations with herself when she’s playing with her books and toys. I could listen to it all day.

you: oh dear.
me: what?
you: oh dear oh dear oh dear
me: what?!
you: not even a year old and already she has the same mental issues as her dad
me: what are you talking about?!
you: talking to herself
me: when do I do that? …….oh.


Jan 11 2013

Friday 11 January 2013: Lonely….

I’m so lonely. I have nobody, to call my own.

Is this the life of a wedding photographer? Sitting in an empty room eating a home made cheese sandwich while the wedding guests feast on a delicious meal? I need to update my contract to include "feed me".

A long, tiring and hectic day. I am freakin knackered. Now I have 950 photos to go through. After a quick look there are straight away a good few I am properly happy with. A bit more of a look will hopefully reveal more.

you: that’s all you deserve
me: what?
you: a cheese sandwich. Yer only taking photos, it’s not like it’s hard work
me: yer kidding! It’s well hard. Having to be totally switched on and ready to catch a shot for 8 hours
you: you? "Switched on"? It’s you that’s kidding! No one has ever said "it’s like the lights are on but no one’s home" about you….because it’s immediately clear that your ‘house’ is entirely vacant.


Jan 10 2013

Thursday 10 January 2013: Batteries charged. Lenses cleaned….

…we’re good to go for the wedding tomorrow.

Got some good tips from Monochrome and Boab at lunchtime. Things along the lines of "Just take one picture each of the bride and groom then photoshop them on to pictures from the internet" or "Take a group shot then photoshop the brides head on to everyone else in the photo". Things along those lines. So with that helpful advice I’m all set for success.

you: someone has actually hired you to do their wedding?
me: aye well it’s not the first time ya cheeky git
you: but why?
me: why not?
you: based on this blurry, grainy monstrosity, lots of reasons
me: but it was dark and the camera I used isn’t great in low light
you: that’s right, just you get your excuses at the ready. Yer gonna need them
me: thanks for setting my mind at ease.


Jan 9 2013

Wednesday 9 January 2013: The new me

Apparently Ghengis and the missus were fed up of me having sidies so out of control that they made Wiggo look like he was clean shaven, because when I got back there was what was described as a ‘present’ for me. A sideburn/beard trimmer. They had gone halfers on it I think, which is quite impressive seeing as Ghengis hasn’t had any pocket money yet. I think she may be the dark overlord of a crime syndicate and she has already amassed significant wealth.

Anyway, I found this very cheeky and insulting, so am going to fashion my sidies and beard like this handsome wierdo on the box.

you: you haven’t given her any pocket money yet?
me: no
you: you tight git!
me: she’s seven months old. What’s she gonna do with it
you: she maybe has a sound investment strategy
me: I doubt it
you: or the gift of foresight and she knows the lottery numbers
me: you think?
you: or maybe she just wants sweets
me: well she can’t have them
you: aye, because you want them all to yersel, lardy!


Jan 8 2013

Tuesday 8 January 2013: Piano man

Quick trip to the boozer to say happy new year to the lads and then home. Just as I was getting off I noticed this dude reading his sheet music. He was moving his fingers around as if he was actually playing as he went which I thought was kind of cool. I’d love to good enough at something that I could do it virtually and know that I was doing it right.

Got home and started sorting out my camera gear for the wedding on friday. Got my second camera body out and it wouldn’t work. That put me in an instant cold sweat. Then I got a message from DB to say he had dropped his 5dmkiii and broken it. That’s the sort of thing nightmares are made of.

It was two pints of Bitter and Twisted at the pub, and I didn’t half enjoy them. I think in the entire 2 weeks I was off all I had was 3 pints and a bottle of champagne. And we’ll discount the hundred weight of liqueur based chocolates

you: you might discount them. You’re waste line won’t.
me: yeah yeah I’ve heard it all before.
you: and I hope you have hired another camera
me: naw I remembered how to get it working.
you: well that’s sensible, taking a temperamental camera to shoot a wedding. Can anyone say law suit?
me: It’s not temperamental….I just had to remember how to use it.


Jan 7 2013

Monday 7 January 2013: It’s all I have

A random photo of some of Ghengis’ toys. Again. Have borrowed another flash off of JJ for the wedding and was messing around with them. I couldn’t do what I wanted with them, my triggers don’t do ratios. Which surely means I need new kit.

First day back at work. It was awright. I sat down and my desk and found myself shaking ‘hands’ with one of the leaves of the plant on my desk and wishing it a happy new year. I don’t think anyone saw.

you: and yet now you’ve written it down
me: oh yeah
you: see that van that’s just pulled up inside?
me: aye
you: the nice men want you to put on that white jacket and go with them for a wee ride to a nice wee, eh, hotel, with bouncy walls
me: oooh, is there a mini-bar
you: let’s just say there is shall we.


Jan 6 2013

Sunday 6 January 2013: Dear Santa, next year could you bring me…..

a nice car. Took the bro in law’s Caymen out for a spin this arvo. Very nice.

The in laws took us all out for lunch at Glenskirlie as a treat for the missus’ birthday. The blueberry mousse was delicious. Just checked though and they had it on last time too so maybe it’s just a speciality.

Ghengis was pretty much quiet as a mousse the whole time, just slowly building a pile of discarded rice crackers around her throughout the meal.

you: quiet as a mousse? It’s a mouse you idiot
me: why? Are you aware of any particularly noisy mousse?
you: no, but….
me: well what difference does it make?
you: well, none I suppose.
me: well just haud yer wheesht then.
you: just this once I’ let your cheek and obstinance pass.
me: how very kind of you. What’s the occasion?
you: you’re back to work tomorrow, you’re obviously stressed
me: thanks for reminding me.


Jan 5 2013

Saturday 5 January 2013: As you command.

24 mile loop on the bike this arvo. Slowest I’ve ever done it. Managed to hit 46mph though which is the fastest I think I’ve been on the boardman. It’s as fast as I can make it go with the current gearing I reckon.

So that’s project 200km underway. Sutin and I had decided we were doing a 200km cycle last year. It didn’t happen. We’ll blame the little person getting in the way and leave it at that. This year it’ll happen though, because I’ve written it down here now. So it has to.

you: Ronnie Corbett
me: what?
you: Kylie Minogue
me: what are you on about?
you: r2d2
me: stop it! What are you talking about?
you: the little person that got in your way
me: I was referring to Ghengis


Jan 4 2013

Friday 4 January 2013: You could have at least….

….brushed my hair if you’re gonna take my photo. And seeing as it’s 3 in the afternoon perhaps you could have got me dressed too?

As far as I’m concerned jammies are dressed. Which perhaps accounts for the fact that in the last 2 weeks I think I have dressed myself about 4 times.

I had Ghengis for the day as the missus was away to Stobo for her birthday with her mum. She was a good wee girl. Ghengis, not the missus. Although I imagine she probably was too.

Had the most awesome tea I’ve had in ages. And it wasn’t even nachos. We had been perusing trip advisor, Mama Oishi’s takeaway came highly recommended. And it was ace. The Chicken Sambal was superb, as were all the other dishes. And as luck would have it the portions were big enough that there is loads for me to have breakfast tomorrow.

you: you didn’t finish your meal? What a pansy
me: Take. That. Back!
you: what? That you are a pansy?
me: No! Questioning whether I finished my own meal. How dare you! Of course I finished my own.
you: it did seem a little strange. I thought perhaps you had grown up and learned your limits.
me: eh, naw. Once I’d finished mine and polished off a couple of others I had to retire to the couch as I was too full for comfort
you: you are a fool. Stop eating when you’re full
me: it wasn’t that I ate too much. It was the 2 pints of juice.
you: aye aye, whatever. So what’s for breakfast?
me:Some spice chicken rice noodles. Some chicken with mushroom and oyester sauce, and some plain noodles.
you: are you forgetting someting?
me: on toast.


Jan 3 2013

Thursday 3 January 2013: Game’s a bogey

After too long spent faffing around with trying to encrypt freakin’ paypal buttons for a site I decided to head out on the bike this afternoon. First bit of exercise of 2013…..first bit of exercise for months. Sadly within a few hundred yards a fallen tree was blocking the path so I had to sit and wait on the rescue helicopter.

you: rescue helicopter? You could have just climbed over the tree!
me: I was out cycling, not tree climbing.
you: or gone around the side like everyone else
me: it looked too muddy.
you: you were on a mountain bike!
me: I was mentally prepared to ride the trails, not off road.
you: or you could just have backed up and gone the other way
me: one way bike trail, that would have been rule breaking and dangerous
you: oh your right on all counts. I can totally see why you called in the rescue helicopter. Numpty.


Jan 2 2013

Wednesday 2 January 2013: Ring ring

The missus’ folks arrived this evening with some more of her old toys. I guess this freaky wee fella won’t really mean a lot to Ghengis seeing as she’ll never actually see a real one of these phones….except for in a museum. "A dial? What do I do with this? How do I text".

Pretty miserable day, my temperament and the weather too.

you: the 2nd and already you can’t raise a smile?
me: I try, but it’s just so tiring
you: try harder.
me: but if I try too hard now then I’ll have run out of pleasantries before the end of the year is out. And what will happen if I get a chance to meet Kate Kate Katey Kate and am miserable
you: then she’ll get an accurate depiction of your normal self
me: pah!
you: and she’s the duchess of cambridge. Stop calling her Kate Kate Katey Kate.


Jan 1 2013

Tuesday 1 January 2013: "Wanted: a nanny for….

….two adorable children one future world leader".

If you want this choice position
Have a cheery disposition
Rosy cheeks, no warts
Play games, all sorts
You must be kind you must be witty
Very sweet and fairly pretty

Take us on outings give us treats
Sing songs bring sweets
Never be cross or cruel never give us castor oil or gruel
Love us as a son and daughter
And never smell of barley water

If you won’t scold and dominate us
We will never you give you cause to hate us
We won’t hide your spectacles so you can’t see
Put toads in your bed or pepper in your tea
Hurry, nanny

Many thanks

Sincerely

Jane and Michael Banks
Ghengis

Ghengis was a good wee chook and slept through the night at the swamp. But as I didn’t get to bed until 2, 4 and a half hours sleep just wasn’t enough. When we used to leave the swamp after new year I used to feel what was verging on smug in the knowledge that I could go home and go to bed, whereas Fat Mungo and Mrs Mungo had the kids to deal with and they wouldn’t give any good behaviour concessions due to mum and dad’s lack of sleep. The smile is well and truly wiped from my face now. I’m knackered.

These wee mittens were a gift from Em to Ghengis, all the way from Tiffany’s. So for her first christmas she was given 3 tree decorations. If she keeps this up she’s gonna need a pretty big tree when she’s older

you: watch mary poppins by any chance today?
me: some of it. Love it.
you: you are a sad man
me: I think you’ll find most people have an affinity towards it.
you: are you really looking for a nanny?
me: no, but Julie Andrews circa 1964 would always be welcome
you: so that’s why you continue to try and finish the time machine in the garage?
me: well that wasn’t the reason. But now it’s a reason.
you: while you’re back in 1964 could you smack Dick Van Dyke for his awful accent
me: that’s all part of the charm. Oh, and happy new year.
you: it’s unlikely to be for you ya miserable git. So I’ll wish you a New Year instead.
me: That’ll do.