Nov 30 2012

Friday 30 November 2012: Naked at last

I’m referring to the left hand tree, which has been stubbornly refusing to shed it’s leaves. Not me.

Spent half the arvo under the car trying to get the washer bottle and pump out as the window skooshers stopped working a month ago. It was cold. And by the time I was finished it was dark. I only had 5 screws left when I was finished, so that’s a success. The skooshers still didn’t work, so that’s a fail. And I didn’t even get started on putting the winter tyres on.

First champagne friday we’ve had for ages. The 12 bottles we got a while back will last a while at this rate. It was, as always, delicious. And the perfectly cooked (again) bit of fillet steak for tea was rather tasty too.

We then spent half the night trying to solve puzzles set by the missus professional body.

you: I don’t want to know what you were up to with yer missus’ body, professional or not
me: yeah that doesn’t quite read right eh?
you: little of what you write does
me: I meant professional body as in like the Institute of Civil Engineers
you: they sound like a riveting bunch
me: they sponsored me through uni, so they’re not all bad
you: I bet they are delighted with their investment, what with all the civil engineering you don’t do
me: or the Chartered Institute of Taxation
you: ok ok I get the point, you weren’t saying yer wife’s a hooker.


Nov 29 2012

Thursday 29 November 2012: Hippodrome

Went to the Boness Hippodrome tonight. Scotlands oldest cinema. Went to see “Warren Millers Flow State”, a snow sports action movie, with Steven. It was instead of going climbing. It was pretty good. Makes me want to go snowboarding again. But at the same time it doesn’t. I only want to go if I can do huge (or medium….or even small would be acceptable) jumps with confidence. But I know I can’t. Even if I couldn’t do jumps but there was guaranteed powder I’d go. But I know there wouldn’t be. Maybe 5 runs of the 6 or so years I have been have been in deep powder. It’s the most awesome feeling in the world, it’s as if you are floating. But those six years have probably cost me about £4k or more. That makes those great runs pretty freakin’ expensive.

It’s the first time in about 30 years that I’ve been to a film with an intermission. And stranger than that, they held a raffle! Some good ski gear prizes. I didn’t win

you: there’s no point you going boarding ever again
me: why?
you: a few reasons
me: such as?
you: yer too tight to pay for lessons, so you’ll never improve over your “comfortably get down the mountain” current level
me: possibly a fair point
you: and the chance of there being great powder the exact week you go is slim
me: true
you: and you always get ill when you go and it knackers it
me: very true
you: and to top it off you are an idiot and injure yourself in drink related shenanigans before you even get to the slopes.
me: harsh but fair. So it looks like my boarding career is over
you: just stick to watching the films.


Nov 28 2012

Wednesday 28 November 2012: Wrong bulb

I think they put the wrong bulb in this streetlight. It seems a little bit too bright.

Had to leave the office at lunchtime as I as I literally crying laughing. We had discovered gizoogle.net, which translates any website or text you want into ‘gangsta’ speak. It made the redundancy announcement so funny it almost ceased to be a concern

“THE majoritizzle of tha 139 redundancies, which is as a result of a restructurin’ process, is ghon’ be at they head crib up in Edinburgh. “
….
“Da firm’s chizzle ­executizzle Pizzle Matthews holla’d tha measures “fundamentally chizzle how tha f* we’re organised”.”

It’s amazing how sticking ‘izzle’ onto the end of words makes them more fun. Fo’ shizzle.

And monochrome kept instant messaging me excerpts of my translated journal which pushed me over the edge and I had to leave. In relation to the paper flowers the missus was making the other day:

“Biatch frontz they is roses yo, but I think they look mo’ like gin n juice lilies”

you: putting ‘izzle’ onto words does not make them more fun
me: yes it dizzle
you: that doesn’t even make sense
me: why nizzle?
you: because it doesn’t. At least gizoogle applies some logic to where it changes things.
me: I’m applying logizzle.
you: stop it
me: no wizzle
you: you sound like an idiot
me: fo’ shizzle ma’ bizzle
you: I don’t even know what that was meant to be
me: me neither. Perhaps I’ll stop.
you: shall we say it was funny at the time and leave it at that?


Nov 27 2012

Tuesday 27 November 2012: Half and half

Half of this picture was taken with my phone. The other half was taken with several thousand pounds worth of Nikon. Went a wander with Sutin at lunchtime to have a go with his new camera. Lovely….if it was a canon. It was freakin’ baltic up on calton hill.

Got home and had a tea of half pizza and half fajitas.

Then watched half an episode of homeland before sleeping for the other half.

And now I can only half be bothered to write anything.

you: jealous much?
me: why would I be jealous. Look at it, you can barely tell the difference.
you: aye, at a couple of hundred pixels wide. What happens if you look at it full size
me: eh, there’s still barely any difference
you: aye right!
me: aye aye fair enough. The detail in it was pretty mental. I zoomed right in on the screen and was disappointed that it was pixelating….then realised I was zooming in on a building about 5 miles away yet I could still see the individual window panes!
you: trying to look through someones window? Perv.
me: no it just happened that there was a window in the centre of the frame
you: oh aye, there just happened to be one did there? whatever. Perv.
me: I could barely see the building with the naked eye let alone select a window to take a photo of with a wide angle lens
you: naked eyes? Knew it. Perv.


Nov 26 2012

Monday 26 November 2012: One cube or two

I got home, put my pj’s on, and that was my intentions clear for the rest of the evening. I wasn’t moving from the couch.

The missus has been making up food for Ghengis, so the freezer is full of trays of pureed sweet potato and pureed carrot. Ghengis is getting better with her solid food already….she willingly opens her mouth at least. It’s a start. Next step will be not spitting it out. She’ll be on to nachos in no time.

The missus also made my tea which was a rare treat, and it was delicious. Sort of toasted tortilla chicken/salsa/refried bean wraps.

Watched the final of Australian Masterchef. A left field winner in Andy. We’ve been watching it almost every night for 2 months, I think we might get withdrawal symptoms

you: thanks a lot!
me: what?
you: for spoiling it for me. I haven’t seen the last episode
me: I wasn’t aware you were watching it. Sorry.
you: Actually I wasn’t. Because unlike you I don’t want to waste my life away in front of the tv


Nov 25 2012

Sunday 25 November 2012: bF

I was rudely awoken at 2am by the missus, who had been rudely awoken by the burglar alarm. The first odd thing was that I was sleeping through it. I have the hearing of a bat and the tiniest of noises annoy me, yet I was sleeping through a wailing alarm. The second odd thing was that it hadn’t woken Ghengis either, which makes a mockery of all the sneaking about and trying to be quiet we do when she’s asleep. And the third odd thing was that the damn alarm hadn’t even been set because there were so many folk staying in the house. Anyway, a bit of googling of the bF error code revealed that the backup battery unit was on the way out. Why it couldn’t have decided this at a more sociable hour I have no idea.

KK&L came down this arvo, so the full clan were all present and correct. Went out for lunch to the wheelhouse, which was slightly disappointing. The service was really slow, and the look on K’s face when his main arrived said it all. If you order cumberland sausage and mash then you expect a huge pile of mash and a sausage at least three feet long. Not a squashed spud and a bent chipolata. It all tasted awright though.

Set up the studio kit to get some photos of Lottie, so got some of Ghengis too. And ‘grandma’ with both babies. And grandma and grandpa with both babies. And both babies……and almost every other conceivable permutation of people. Leaving me with snow blindness from the flashes and a full memory card. Which I promptly formatted before I had checked all the photos had copied to the pc. Which they hadn’t. But I recovered them fine.

you: I don’t
me: you don’t what?
you: expect a huge mound of mash and a huge sausage
me: well you should
you: but I don’t. I expect a sensible portion
me: ooh lah de dah, get you.
you: and didn’t you mean tinny noises annoy you
me: those too
you: click click. click click click. clickety click
me: what on earth are you doing
you: I knew it. You don’t have the hearing of a bat at all or you would have understood.


Nov 24 2012

Saturday 24 November 2012: Tree

Mum, dad, and Jenelope arrived this arvo.

Dad and I got out on the bikes for a bit which was ace. We went through the tunnel, I’d forgotten how long it was…and spooky. I was worried dad’s bike was going to slip on the greasy cobbles and he’d fall in the canal. Why I was worried about him I don’t know, he swims a mile every thursday, yet I can’t swim so I think I’ll worry about not falling in myself in future.

Strictly was cack. Pointless was cack, except for her out of waterloo road guessing that an anagram of Beijing, was Belgium, even though she pointed out herself that there was no L in it. Shame she didn’t realise half the other letters were missing or extra either.

you: lucky you had yer daddy there to hold your hand going through the big bad scary tunnel eh?
me: I’m not that scared of the dark
you: yes you are
me: no I’m not
you: yes you are
me: but it had drippy water and spooky echos and slime
you: so you were scared
me: no
you: just say yes
me: but there are dark bits and there might be monsters in the canal
you: just say yes
me: yes.
you: and why are you both staring at a tree? Did you forget where you put the camera
me: we’re looking at the river
you: you’re looking at a tree
me: it does appear that way yes
you: it doesn’t appear that way. It is that way.


Nov 23 2012

Friday 23 November 2012: mmmm, baby rice

We decided to head through to tillicoultry to get some last bits and bobs for christmas. We went for lunch on the way, and the second we stopped the car we realised we had forgotten the baby bag with Ghengis’ food and nappies. So we had a decision to make. Food or shopping. Food.

Ghengis had her first ever go on ’solid’ food today. She didn’t seem too keen

you: you ate it didn’t you?

At first she wouldn’t even open her mouth

you: you ate it didn’t you?

But after a wee minute she was taking wee spoonfuls, but then spitting it out

you: you ate it didn’t you?

I guess she maybe had half a teaspoon in total

you: you ate it didn’t you?
me: ok ok I ate the rest!
you: I knew it!
me: as well as pizza and pasta for lunch. A huge bit of fillet steak for tea with dolphin-noise potatoes. Some cheesecake. And the last of Jenelope’s coca-cola cupcakes.
you: I have 2 words for you
me: lard and ass?
you: got it in one.


Nov 22 2012

Thursday 22 November 2012: water lily

I blame Kirsty Allsop. I go out to the garage to do some exercise, come back in, and this missus is sitting making paper flowers from napkins because there was some craft show on with Kirsty Allsop in it. She claims they are roses, but I think they look more like water lilies. Anyway, she demanded they be blipped. So here is one of them. I don’t think she’s impressed, the photo doesn’t do it justice.

A fairly subdued mood at work today. To be expected I guess with redundancy looming.

you: can you do ’subdued’?
me: naw, I’m no actor.
you: you stuck with your usual mood of miserable then
me: pretty much. It suits all occaisions
you: not quite all eh?
me: yup, births deaths and marriages. There’s always got to be at least one miserable git
you: and you’re happy to fill that role?
me: I’ve already told you, I’m no actor. Happy is a pipe dream.


Nov 21 2012

Wednesday 21 November 2012: Light heid

As expected, big redundancy announcement came today. A third of the folk in my role are getting the chop.

Met HA for lunch. 2nd time I’ve been to taste of italy this week. It’s no wonder the waist line is expanding and the bank balance is diminishing. He was in his brand new 5 series. Very nice.

The missus and I are gutted that Kylie is out of australian masterchef. Not the Kylie. But the Kylie that we liked in the show.

you: why is it that you seem more concerned about a contestant going out of a reality tv show than you potentially losing your job?
me: ach it’s awright I have my massive bag of other talents to fall back on
you: like?
me: pastry chef extraordinaire
you: no. You’ve been watching masterchef
me: blood spatter analyst
you: no. You’ve been watching dexter
me: I’m like fred astaire on the dancefloor
you: no. You’ve been watching strictly
me: that’s me out. Turns out my bag isn’t that big. Oh SH1T


Nov 20 2012

Tuesday 20 November 2012: Batman

A trip to a new boozer tonight. Even Fraj made an appearance. The hanging bat on Lothian road. It was at the suggestion of napoleon, who seems very keen to push it as a venue all of a sudden. The general consensus is that he has a part share in the ownership, so basically wants us to spend our money there.

They have a lot of different beers on, but you can’t get a pint. You can only get 1/3 or 2/3 pints. Stupid. I asked the barman what the reason was and the response was that they got sick of not enjoying the last bit of a pint because it had got warm and/or flat. Stupid. There’s an easy solution to that: drink faster.

There is a rumoured big redundancy announcement happening at work tomorrow. Not sure what my feelings are on that exactly.

you : general consensus?
me : aye
you : you mean just you don’t you
me : well aye, maybe
you : so not general at all really
me : I’m sure others would agree
you : but they didn’t, did they
me : no.
you : much like most of your ideas really.


Nov 19 2012

Monday 19 November 2012: I tried…

… so hard to get off the couch tonight. I failed.

you: I hope you were at least watching something educational?
me: yeah I was
you: what?
me: australian masterchef
you : reality tat!
me: no it’s not
you: so what did you learn?
me: eh, what a potato galette is
you: useful.


Nov 18 2012

Sunday 18 November 2012: Mister Mister, get me outta here.

We headed through to Stirling for a bit of a wander up around the castle in the sunshine. I was wanting to take the same photo with Em and Woody as I had done when L&P were up. But I forgot to take the camera. I sat it down at the back door, picked the baby up to put her in the car, then locked the house. Still, I suppose it was better that way around than sitting the baby down and picking the bag up.

A nice lunch at the darnley coffee house, which is pretty much where we always go for soup when we are in stirling. First place I’ve ever seen using one of the iphone based credit card payment systems which was really cool. They still have a few of my photos up for sale too. I’d rather they weren’t up because they had been sold, but it’s still nice to see them up somewhere. The shopping centre was mobbed and my idea of living hell. But I did get Genghis a little miss santa outfit from poundland so it wasn’t all bad.

Re-watched the fifth gear review of the Ferrari 458 Spider today. Then talking to dad tonight he said his last customer had one sitting in the garage! I need to go labouring for dad again I think to get a good look at exotica like that.

you: Nice!
me: the 458 spider? Yeah not bad eh
you: not the car
me: what then?
you : the happy gilmore quote
me: you like a film I like?
you: this one time, yes, it’s a classic
me: with 6.9 on imdb I don’t think all that many people agree with us
you: “6.9, dude”.
me: so close to bill and ted, and yet so far.


Nov 17 2012

Saturday 17 November 2012: Different car

Spotted the rainbow and decided to re-do this shot but with the other car.

Ghengis woke through the night and for the first time in weeks actually needed attending to rather than just talking herself back to sleep. A quick “could you keep it down a bit we’re trying to sleep” and a rub on the tummy and all was well with the world again.

Em and Woody arrived last night. We have shown them all the fun of the fair by going out for lunch and then coming home. Then they started a jigsaw with the missus. I think their heads may pop off with excitement.

you: why?
me: why what?
you: did you bother?
me: what?!
you : re-creating that photo?
me: I dunno, I just liked it
you: it takes all sorts I suppose. And you really know how to show your guests a good time eh?
me: the three of them seem quite happy sitting in a row on the couch with their ipads playing the simpsons while I watch strictly
you: not sure who’s more sad. Them or you. In fact lets stick with the default. It’s you.


Nov 16 2012

Friday 16 November 2012: You filthy little…

*insert expletive of choice*. This is the laptop that has caused me so many late nights this week and about 50 installations of XP to get it going again. In the end I found a fairly simple solution. But it took me a long long time to come up with it. When I finally got it working I started mocking it and name calling. I think all the faffing around I have done with it has resulted in it becoming sentient. Basically I have created skynet.

As punishment for the mocking and name calling it has sent electrical spikes throughout the house and has knackered the microwave. My choas defrost panasonic microwave. My chaos defrost microwave that has worked without a single problem for the last 13 years, until tonight. My chaos defrost microwave that actually has chaos defrost written on it. I bet with all the nanny state shenanigans it’s probably now illegal to sell something with chaos in it’s name and my new one will sound like a celebrity hairdresser rather than a conqueror of galaxies. I loved that microwave.

Through to Glasgow to meet the groom of the wedding I’m photographing in January at the venue. Lovely venue, but it’s going to be tricky with flashes as it’s all dark wooden panels that reflect a lot. Took me nearly 4 hours to get there and back on public transport. Note to self. ‘Site’ visits have to chargeable in future.

you: why do you attach such extreme emotions to electrical items?
me: what do you mean?
you: who loves their microwave?
me: me. It was great. You could stick anything in frozen and it would defrost it
you: eh, that’s what microwaves do. That’s not special.
me: but the others don’t use harnessed chaos to do so!
you: I’m fairly sure yours didn’t either. That’s where the ‘microwave’ part of the name comes from
me: say what you want. I think it did. It didn’t however say ‘chaos defrost’ in a megalomaniacal voice when you started it, like Fat Mungo thought.
you: and why did he think that
me: eh…someone must have told him
you: I wonder who that could have been
me: don’t look at me!


Nov 15 2012

Thursday 15 November 2012: Nothing….

….at all….happened. Except for yet more faffing about with the laptop I want to get working. Probably spent about 24 hours or so on it now. If I valued my time at all I could have gone and bought a laptop instead.

you: nothing?
me: nothing
you: at all?
me: at all
you: really?
me: apart from I got a new phone, a new flash, and a new set of ttl triggers
you: you mean someone else got them
me: well, yeah, but seeing as ghengis has now stolen all my gadget money I have to live my gadget life vicariously through others. And DB has been having a cracking shopping session
you: so it would seem
me: aye, we were so annoyed when TNT said they couldn’t find the address
you: I imagine it’s the sort of thing you would be more annoyed about than DB
me: you might be right


Nov 14 2012

Wednesday 14 November 2012: Happy Christmas

While we were watching yet more australian masterchef, the missus decided she wanted some chocolate. She disappeared from the room and came back with these. Half way through eating them I asked where they had come from. The response? “Oh, they were for your christmas”. What?! At which point she handed me the last one and said in a cheery voice “Happy Christmas”

Just as long as she’s aware that things like that can go both ways.

you: you wouldn’t dare!
me: what?
you: to eat chocolates that you got for yer missus
me: aye, no fear of that happening
you: oh aye, I suppose that would actually require you to buy her some!
me: don’t you start


Nov 13 2012

Tuesday 13 November 2012: Desperate

Napoleon and Esme are back from their mahoosive holiday so it was nice to see them at the boozer tonight. It took Esme all of 30 seconds to start having a go at me. “Why are your sideburns so long?” “Because they are, awright?” “I mean you always have sidies, but why are they so…..long?” “I don’t know, why are you so…..tall?”.

And Napoleon must have really missed being at the boozer because he sat down and uttered the three words that result in getting a ladyboy. No hesitation. No deviation. 3 times repetition.

Based on how awesome the burger was last week, we went back to the Red Squirrel. It wasn’t as good this time. And that’s both times I’ve been the staff have annoyed me. Both times I have stood to the side to let them past and neither time did they acknowledge it, let alone say thanks. I won’t be back.

you: why are your sidies so long?
me: get lost!
you: Ooohhh, touchy. And stop whining, big deal they didn’t say thank you for letting them past.
me: big deal? Big Deal?! It is a big deal!
you: no it’s not
me: aye, it is. A bit of common courtesey is free. If we let them away with it next they’ll be hurling abuse and throwing empty bottles at us
you: well by claiming you won’t be back I’m sure you’ve made your point
me: I’m not sure if you’re being sarcastic
you: ok here’s a clue. I am.


Nov 12 2012

Monday12 November 2012: Don’t shout

A totally mediocre day at work. The only highlight being that I decided to forego my greggs ban and get a pink jammie. And I didn’t half enjoy it.

The book pictured, and highlighted throughout, is the “Don’ts for husbands” kindly bought, and highlighted, but the missus. I must remember not to shout, as it says, the servants certainly don’t need to hear it.

Followed by an evening of trying to sort out car insurance. Why does it have to be so hard? Do I need 100k of legal cover? Do I need 5k of personal injury cover? What’s the difference between a courtesy car and having a hire car paid for? I can totally see why some people just accept the renewal quote year on year…..but I can’t do it. In the end both cars covered for under £400 (assuming quidco pays up) doesn’t seem too bad……just hope I didn’t need that 100k of legal cover I refused to pay for.

you: you didn’t take out the legal cover?
me: no. Why.
you: Ooohhh, not sure I would have done that.
me: you’re not helping
you: when do I ever help? Oohh a pink jammie
me: aye, what of it
you: a moment on the lips a lifetime on the hips
me: still not helping!


Nov 11 2012

Sunday 11 November 2012: The bad old days

I’ve wasted almost the entire day messing about trying to get a laptop that worked fine yesterday working again today. This used to be what I seemed to spend all my spare time doing, and it used to do my head in and make me extremely grumpy. Today I remembered how much it did my head in. Been in a bad mood all day as a result, which is no fun for anyone.

Got out on the bike…..and the gears started skipping and hurt my knees. This didn’t improve my mood.

KK&L were meant hoping to come down today but K was poorly.

you: you mean you used to be grumpier than you are usually?
me: much. I’m mr happy these days by comparison
you: holy crap!


Nov 10 2012

Saturday 10 November 2012: It’s your playroom….

So play dammit! Maybe one day we’ll get you a toy.

It was a sad day today. I realised that I probably need to re-sit my advanced biscuit dunking licence. I had not one, not two, but three “Nice” biscuit dunking accidents. Nice biscuits are tricky enough to dunk at the best of the times. They don’t have the internal structure of a rich tea, or even a digestive. When I failed with one there is no way I should have attempted the high risk maneuver that is the double biscuit dunk. But I did. It wasn’t pretty.

Doog popped in for a bit today. He got made redundant earlier in the week which sucks.

Got a text from a mate with a link to a bunch of recent strava stats for cycle rides he’s been out on. I managed 4 miles on the turbo the other night. Gps tracking doesn’t have much to do when I’m just in the garage though so I’ll not bother sending him my strava stats.

you: I hope you feel ashamed!
me: I do. Slightly. I’ve barely been out on the bike at all this year
you: not that you idiot. At your inability to successfully dunk a biscuit
me: aw come on though, it wasn’t just any biscuit it was a Nice
you: so?
me: and it was an attempt at a double biscuit dunk!
you: so?!
me: but that’s technical stuff that is
you: Rubbish. Real men can dunk 2 biscuits of different varieties at the same time, extracting both without any drop off and with the correct al dente texture.
me: al dente?
you: stop talking now before you embarrass yourself any further


Nov 9 2012

Friday 9 November 2012: Process

Spent a few hours today processing photos from a bairn shoot the other week. It’s amazing how quickly the time flies.

I only left the house to empty the nappy bin today. What a highlight that was.

The missus thinks she is coming down with a cold, I’d better not get it or there will be trouble.

you: well isn’t that just like you?
me: what?
you: just concerned for yourself
me: what are you on about?
you: where’s the concern for the missus health?
me: it’s there
you: aye, right behind concern for yourself
me: that’s hardly fair. You have no idea what I did today to make her feel better
you: you made her a cup of tea
me: oh. You do have an idea.


Nov 8 2012

Thursday 8 November 2012: Pull up a pew

Climbing two weeks in a row. We’ll have to watch out or we might see some improvement. For a wee change I went for the pink grapefruit juice rather than the blood orange of last week. It was nice, but I think I’ll stick to the orange in future. Doesn’t your life feel enriched now that you know that?

During my lunchtime wander I went into the local art gallery which had a photography exhibition on. I didn’t get it. There was nothing special about any of the photos that I could see. There was nothing that made me go wow. Nothing that made me wonder how they had done it. Nothing that made me wish I was there. So what was the point? I don’t know. Which probably means I missed the point. Which makes me think the point must be nonsense.

you: I wish you’d get to yours
me: my what?
you: point!
me: I’m not sure I had one
you: do you ever?


Nov 7 2012

Wednesday 7 November 2012: Help

“I am so incompetent I can’t even use a spray can properly.” I assume that’s what the cry for help is for. This has got to be some of the worst graffiti ever.

Bailed from work early to take over Ghengis supervision duties so the missus could get to the physio. I say physio, but I think she just went for a massage because her back hurts. She has taken to putting things in her mouth and then carrying on playing with her toys. A sock yesterday. Various toys today. She looks a bit simple when she does it.

you: why is your missus putting socks in her mouth?
me: not the missus, Ghengis. Obviously
you: no, not obviously, because you didn’t make it at all clear
me: I’m so sorry.
you: and so you very well should be


Nov 6 2012

Tuesday 6 November 2012: Pioneer

Started the day off with a live mouse in the utility room. That was different. It didn’t seem to be injured, but it didn’t seem to be very bright either, just sitting there in the middle of the room. I just put it outside. No doubt for Mollie to find again. Don’t know why she thinks live mice are an acceptable gift. Chocolates. Alcohol. Photography gear. They are all acceptable gifts. Live vermin are not.

Just me and White Lightning for beers tonight. We went to the Red Squirrel and I had the best burger I’ve had in ages. It was a “Pioneer”. Rosemary, wild mushrooms, bacon and cheese on it. And piri piri fries. The beer was nice too. Black Ball Stout. Very tasty.

you: “I”
me: “you” what?
you: “White Lightning and I”
me: what about you and White Lightning?
you: I’m correcting your grammar, you idiot.
me: oh. Thanks. Much appreciated. Eh, naw.
you: and what kind of poncy burger has rosemary and wild mushrooms on it!
me: a pioneer. I just told you that!


Nov 5 2012

Monday 5 November 2012: Incoming

Boom……enemies behind the tree…………Booom…….sniper at 2 o’clock………BOOOM…..mortarrrrs……….Double boom…….man down, man down.

Holy $hit war must be terrifying. Grandma has been invited down to London to lay a wreath on the 11th. We’re not entirely sure how it’s come about. Something to do with her being an employee working in the munitions factories in WWII I guess. How and who has invited her is still a mystery.

you: what are you on about?
me: ach the big rockets just make me think of war
you: not entirely sure that’s the point of them.
me: no I don’t suppose it is.
you: you’d be no frickin’ use in a war anyway
me: you don’t need to tell me.
you: I’m fairly sure not being scared of the dark is a pre-requisite
me: that’s me out then.
you: and not being a lard @ss would probably help
me: for when I was running away? No, you’re probably right
you: that would be your tactics would it, running away?
me: no no no. I’d play dead.


Nov 4 2012

Sunday 4 November 2012: No, I won’t move.

It’s just been one of those days where doing anything at all seems like too much effort. As a result neither the missus or Ghengis got changed out of their pj’s, and I wouldn’t have done except I needed to go speak to the neighbours.

Bit of a shame really as it’s been a lovely crisp and sunny autumn day.

Ach well, never mind eh. We did get through about 4 or 5 hours of “so you think you can dance” (usa) from about 2 years ago though. Turns out that’s where half of the pro’s on strictly get their first taste of fame.

you: really?
me: yeah, Iveta, Pasha, Artem
you: not that you idiot! You watched several hours of an american dance show that finished 2 years ago?
me: aye, what of it?
you: when it was a nice sunny day and you could have been out on the bike?
me: exercise is not my friend at the moment
you: neither will I be if you don’t man up.
me: right, I’m off to watch the last of this series of downton abbey, then a bit more Australian master chef
you: did you hear a word I said?


Nov 3 2012

Saturday 3 November 2012: Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf

Fat Mungo, Mrs Mungo, and the swamplings came round for a bit of lunch today. The missus had made one of her well tasty quiche’s for fat Mungo. He enjoyed it.

Went for a wander in Callender Park with them all. It was pretty chilly, but it was nice wandering along with the bairns, and mini swampling has a very funny running style. We stopped in at the playpark there too. I dare say it’s somewhere we’ll spend a fair bit of time as Ghengis grows. Then again I might just build a replica in the back garden and that would save me having to be around snot nosed screaming kids (other than those I have chosen to be there with).

As predicted fireworks have been going off half of the night. Anyone setting off fireworks on any day other than November the 5th should be tied to a katherine wheel or rocket.

you: I don’t remember you making any predictions
me: about what?
you: fireworks going off tonight
me: I didn’t make any, that’s why
you: so why did you say you did
me: it’s just a figure of speech.
you: which is usually associated with a prediction I would say.


Nov 2 2012

Friday 2 November 2012: Bring on the snow

I had the most of the afternoon to myself because Ghengis was out with the missus and the missus mum and dad. So I made a start on tidying my workbench.

The bench grinder no longer vibrates on it’s journey to an undisclosed destination, because I’ve screwed it down. All the power cables are no longer a vipers nest, because I have sorted them all out. The big glue gun is no longer below a disemboweled sky+ box, because, eh, I’ve moved it. And most importantly of all, nothing is interfering with my arrangement of beers.

Out with Ghengis later in the afternoon. It doesn’t half get cold quickly when the sun drops. Reckon we need to get some form of permanent wind guard attached to the buggy handlebars.

you: Wind guard? How fast are you going exactly
me: at some points as fast as I could run.
you: so just above walking pace?
me: exactly
you: before your lard @ss lungs start to collapse and your heart calls it quits
me: pretty much
you: and you still haven’t learned that power tools and beer are a bad combination
me: that’s a lesson I’ll learn the day that I try to file my nails with the bench grinder after one jar too many
you: file your nails? You don’t deserve to own power tools!


Nov 1 2012

Thursday 1 November 2012: Private dance(r)

Climbing tonight. It turns out that over-eating and under-exercising, coupled with a few weeks away from the wall, does not a good climber make. It was my wrists that gave up first tonight which is odd, first time that’s happened. Perhaps working out with the tv remote 5 hours a night isn’t as beneficial as I thought.

As we were leaving I noticed the aqua-aerobics instructor. It looked hilarious. There she was, dancing away on the side of the pool as if her life depended on it, but from where we were you couldn’t see the actual water, never mind the participants or anyone else in the pool area. So it looked like she was having her own private disco.

This is my favourite juice at the moment, Bundaberg Blood Orange. I’ve never seen it anywhere but the cafe at the wall. Very nice

you: Blood Orange? Are you sure?
me: that’s what it says on it. Why?
you: eh…and you’re sure no one has tampered with it?
me: pretty sure….why…what have you done?
you: Me? Nothing. It’s just that it looks more like a nuclear hazard than a beverage.
me: granted. It tastes good though.