Apr 30 2012

Monday 30 April 2012: Chilli…

….on a shelf. That is all

you: seem to be a lot of days you have nothing to mention
me: I could have mentioned that the missus got me some vanilla flavoured coffee
you: well you have now
me: or that it was freakin’ baltic today
you: you’ve mentioned that too now
me: or that I’m not sure if I’m enjoying Homeland or getting annoyed by it.
you: is that it?
me: yeah, that’s pretty much my day.
you: just as dull as the picture then

Brandi & Monica : The boy is mine (The Teacher pointed out I was running out of time to get one of my favourite songs in. This is not a hint as to the sex of baby, as I don’t know it)

Apr 29 2012

Sunday 29 April 2012: Game on

Busy day. First off through to the Teachers for the post bairn baptism buffet, and to see them too of course.

Then from there to Esme and Naploleon’s for an afternoon of tea and games. 5 games (boggle, rubiks race, yahtzee, connect 4 and battleships) and a 5 minute time limit for each round) copious amounts of cake and varieties of tea, and 14 contenders. Let battle commence. I didn’t win many games, but I’m pretty sure I was near the top of the table when it came to cake eating.

you: there’s a surprise.
me: the lack of game winning or the cake eating?
you: both.
me: good home made cakes, how could I refuse?
you: by saying "sorry, I’ve just been at the Teachers and eaten 3 puddings, including a childs jelly, and had my fill of ham and roast beef, so I’m full, but thanks for the offer."
me: have you been watching me again?
you: I’m omnipotent
me: not sure that’s what you meant, but I get the gist
you: having checked the dictionary I’m not entirely sure that’s what I meant either.

Chicago : Mr Cellophane

Apr 28 2012

Saturday 28 April 2012: Bluebell woods.

Through to some retail park or other out glasgow way to pick up the final bits of nursery stuff.

Then went for a quick run on the bike on the trails, but a branch mangled the rear derailleur, so now changing gears pushes it through the spokes which isn’t very helpful with regards to forward progress. Or helpful with regards to anything else actually. Expense I could do without.

Then out to the bluebell woods to get a few shots. Just as I was wandering along a steam train went past, before I had a chance to get the camera out. Typical. Then I had a bit of flash experimentation, before the batteries died.

you: no one wants to know about your flashing experiments. I just hope you get arrested before you traumatise anyone
me: I can assure you it wasn’t that kind of flashing.
you: I bet it was. "Ooh shall I go with the beige or black mac?"
me: and where would the batteries have come in exactly?
you: I don’t even want to know. And can I point out something else?
me: I’m sure you will if I want you to or not
you: This doesn’t look much like a bluebell.

Soft Cell : Tainted Love (I quite like the maralyn manson version too)

Apr 27 2012

Friday 27 April 2012: Tools of torture

I don’t normally mind going to the dentist, but I wasn’t particularly looking forward to todays visit for a filling, as last night the missus was doing her impression of the dentist’s drill followed by an evil laugh. I think she cursed me, because the injections really hurt, and didn’t have the desired effect so I had to get another.

Missed out going through for a triple whammy leaving do from work, and for the blipmeet at Spoon. The missus got some crappy news about an old friend so I decided to stayed home to keep her company instead. Saw a deer while out in the woods.

you: can I request something?
me: what?
you: can you take a decent photo sometime soon?
me: aye, I’ve been thinking that myself. Must try harder.
you: this has to be the worst you’ve taken in a while
me: there’s not been a whole lot of competition for it though
you: agreed

Ultravox : Vienna (just skip to the strings solo at 3:20)

Apr 26 2012

Thursday 26 April 2012: Too cute. Too cool

I love this t-shirt the missus picked up for the bairn. Apparently the t-shirt will be too big initially, so I’m putting bambino on a strict diet of nachos, greggs doughnuts, and real ale from day 1, until it fits.

Took Steven out for a bit of grub for his 40th. Nachos to start, chili beef for main. All good.

you: I think the baby might struggle with the nachos.
me: no kid of mine will struggle with nachos.
you: and I thought you were trying to lose a bit of weight? Nachos and greggs cake and beer yesterday, nachos and chili and beer tonight? Doesn’t sound like the best diet ever
me: it’s an awesome diet, but I get your point. And worryingly, 14st 00 flashed up on the scales the other night. Before settling down to a much more acceptable 13 13 6.
you: 10oz, 10oz! And that’ll be you the heaviest you’ve ever been, and you’re out on the beer and nachos?
me: I know. Things are about to change
you: aye, I’m gonna have to think of some new taunts.

N-Trance : Set you free

Apr 25 2012

Wednesday 25 April 2012: And he’s back.

Oz is back. Yay! First wednesday night beers for him since he got back from Australia. So we got him a ladyboy. Doesn’t he look happy about it?

He’s lost a lot of weight since he left several years ago, so to help him get his Scottish figure back I bought him a ‘coni pie from Greggs. First time I’ve been into Greggs in weeks I think, and I couldn’t resist a pineapple cake. I would have had a doughnut, but my partner in doughnuts, sbarlster, is on his hols.

you: how kind of you
me: I know, I don’t just buy ‘coni pies for anyone
you: I was actually being sarcastic. You’re trying to ruin yer mates health by buying him pies.
me: we took him for some mercat nachos too.
you: so not only are you already trying to fill his arteries with fat from pies, but he’s only a good enough mate to take for the second best nachos in town
me: that’s all he deserves after the cheek he gave me:

"so I was surprised you won the pub tour last summer"
"i didn’t, Napoleon did"
"I know, I just wanted to hear you say it

me: aye, well why don’t you feck off back to australia, and give me that pie back. Good to have you back dude.

London Boys : Requiem. ( i have no freakin idea why)

Apr 24 2012

Tuesday 24 April 2012: Intergalactic travel

Where does it go? The yellow line just disappears into a cloud portal, traveling through space and time to another dimension. I tried to follow it but I didn’t fit.

you: just another generic day where you had to make up some rubbish to fill your blip then?
me: pretty much

Shakespears Sister : Stay

Apr 23 2012

Monday 23 April 2012: Wander

First day back at work. Meh.

Went a wee wander with the missus tonight as she decided she was bored having not left the house all day. Time for the baby to make an appearance as it is freaking me out too much with all it’s wriggling. I didn’t mind when you could feel or even see a wee bit of movement, but when the missus whole tummy moves it scares the crap out of me.

you: You forgot didn’t you?
me: what?
you: where is it?
me: what?!
you: my birthday present.
me: eh? My birthday is miles away
you: who said anything about your birthday? My birthday?
me: oh, your 2 year birthday, that was yesterday wasn’t it
you: so you didn’t forget, you just chose not to honour it.
me: I don’t do birthdays
you: you are the worst person I know.

Green Day : Basket case

Apr 22 2012

Sunday 22 April 2012: On and on.

Much like BBC1’s "The Voice", this dude just goes on and on and on.

Out on the road bike this morning, not clothed for the cold so cut the ride short. Then went out on the mountain bike. I was getting fed up with folk walking the wrong way up the trails that are specifically marked as cycle only, so I gave up slowing down as I came up to them and sped up instead. They got out of the way a bit quicker then.

Well that’s the end of my week off. Booo.

you: the blackbird is kind of like you then
me: handsome, well preened, and vocally gifted?
you: witters on an on and on

Johnny Cash : The legend of John Henry’s hammer

Apr 21 2012

Saturday 21 April 2012: Just a walk in the park…

…Kazansky. Not entirely sure why tonights blip title has turned in to a quote from Top Gun. But it has.

Bit of a wander with Jenelope this morning before heading out for some lunch. Not exactly nachos, but close enough. Chili con carne….with nacho chips. It was good too. The Orchard in Falkirk was the venue.

Then we went to Kinneil House for a look round, as today was one of it’s rare open days. Not an awful lot to see, but interesting all the same.

you: "I’ll hit the brakes, he’ll fly right by"
me: nice. "I feel the need…"
you: "…the need for speed".
me: "Hey, Goose, you big stud!"
you: you had to go and spoil it didn’t you. We were almost bonding, getting along even, for a split second, then you had to go and spoil it
me: "You can be my wingman any time."
you: no no no. It’s too late, I’m not playing any more. You spoiled it.

Jerry Lee Lewis : Great balls of fire. (now one of my favourite music videos :-)

Apr 20 2012

Friday 20 April 2012: 4 and 20

Blackbirds baked in a pie. Singing his wee heart out he was.

The baby cage has now been built.

Out for nachos for lunch.

Jenelope has arrived for the evening.

you: one of them’s a starling
me: ooh get you, just got your ornithology badge from girl guides have you?
you: hang on why are you mocking me? And by baby cage I hope you mean cot?
me: you say tomato, I say tomato
you: doesn’t work quite so well when you write it does it. Idiot.

All Saints : Never ever.

Apr 19 2012

Thursday 19 April 2012: Odd mouse out (holiday day 4)

Home from climbing to find the cat had left a present in the middle of the kitchen floor. Not a turd present, but a wee moose. Thanks cat, just what I wanted.

Spent the afternoon building furniture for the nursery, which was going great until I stuck my knee through the wardrobe door.

New washing machine arrived.

you: it’s a shrew, not a mouse, so it’s the odd one out.
me: hmm, I was going with the one on the left, because it has a red nose.
you: idiot.

Train : Drops of Jupiter

Apr 18 2012

Wednesday 18 April 2012: Beady eye (2). (holiday day 3)

Stopped off at Perth on the way home from Pitlochry.

The Perth Museum and Art Gallery had the "Dinosaurs Unleashed" Exhibition on. It was pretty small, I was glad we hadn’t travelled a long way just for it, but it was dinosaurs, so I loved it anyway. As we speak I am extracting DNA from a fly trapped in amber, my attempts at recreating a live dinosaur are coming along nicely

They also had a cool exhibition of photos from winters gone past. They had some really awesome ones, like the boy on his bike towing about 6 other boys on ice skates down a frozen river. How was he staying up? And the lady skating down a road past an old fashioned car. And a lake with hundreds of people on it curling.

And now we’re home, about to have a cuppa, and watch the apprentice. Job done.

you: so have you put time travel to one side?
me: only for the moment.
you: you do surprise me
me: yeah I got stuck with bi-directional time travel
you: but you have one-way sorted?
me: yeah that bit was easy
you: so if you travelled back in time but couldn’t get back, how are you here now?
me: I just waited.
you: eh. I can’t quite get my head around that one.
me: it’s best not to try. Time travel can be very confusing for the layman.

Apr 17 2012

Tuesday 17 April 2012: Falls of Bruar (holiday day 2)

Bit of a wander up the high street this morning. A shame to see so many shops closed.

Then we stopped in to the House of Bruar, the "Harrods of the North" apparently. Neither of us particularly liked it. The deli had some nice stuff though.

The missus wanted a bit of a nap this arvo so I headed out with the camera. Didn’t get owt special. Not used to this new camera yet, it annoys me a lot. Saw a eurofighter out on training though, that was cool.

Another nice tea, then sitting by the fire for a read. All good.

you: This doesn’t look much like the falls of bruar
me: oh aye, that’s because it’s not
you: any particular reason you’re giving your blips incorrect titles?
me: it was accidental. This wasn’t what I wanted to blip
you: and yet you did
me: it would appear so. It’s a waterfall, within 20 miles of the Bruar. It’ll do.
you: unacceptable behaviour. I’m going to check the blip T’s & C’s. I’m sure I can get you banned
me: that wouldn’t be the best move for your well-being
you: fair call. Nice shot….

Jet : Are you gonna be my girl?

Apr 16 2012

Monday 16 April 2012: Beady eye. (holiday day 1)

First day of the holidays. Up to Pitlochry. We went to visit Blair Castle. It’s not a castle, it’s a big house.

It was awright, there was something not quite right about the info on the cards in each room. Can’t quite put my finger on it.

Then we went up to the "castle’s" walled ‘Hercules’ garden. On first inspection it was rubbish, but as we wandered in to it I liked it. Put it this way, I wouldn’t mind a couple of acres, walled in, with a nice big pond in the middle. When I asked the missus if she knew what kind of birds they were on the pond she claimed they were yellow beaked bobbers.

Nice tea at the hotel.

you: the number of things you are an expert in astounds me
me: what?
you: well you now appear to be an expert on what’s a castle and what isn’t.
me: if it looks like a castle it’s a castle. If it looks like a a house it’s a house. Easy
you: or a simple approach for a simple mind.

Amy Macdonald : Mr Rock and Roll.

Apr 15 2012

Sunday 15 April 2012: The tower on the hill (yet again)

You can see it, it’s about 2 pixels high. But it’s there. First time this year around my 30 mile loop on the bike. It was deceptively chilly. Wish I’d gone for the leggings rather than shorts…..and put my shoe covers on. So todays blip is yet another lazy phone shot. Ach well, that was my day.

you: and that’s all you did all day?
me: well, no, when I got back I made a banana milkshake
you: exciting stuff
me: then I ate half a big easter egg
you: more excitement, I can hardly contain myself
me: then I had a raspberry and white chocolate cookie
you: keep going like that and you’ll not be able to contain yourself either!

The Hours : Love is an action (unbelievably a quick google returns no videos!)

Apr 14 2012

Saturday 14 April 2012: Winner.

40 quid up when I left the casino this morning. That’s never happened before.

It was ladies day at aintree, which meant town was full of women in their finery. In Liverpool finery seems to consist of an orange tan, sky high heels, and a hat. Not much else. I think the fake tan must have some sort of thermal qualities, because I had a jacket and jumper on and it was still a bit chilly.

The stag group got a bit fragmented so it wasn’t a massively boozy affair. A good laugh though. The hotel was pretty much as expected based on the tripadvisor reviews. I don’t think any of them mention the pervasive smell of bonemeal. Mine will. The woman behind the bar was friendly and helpful though.

Today I’ve just wandered round museums while waiting on my train home. I’m not a very good museum visitor. I tend to just drift through, I can’t concentrate on screeds of info.

you: ooh 40 quid. Big win. New car? House?
me: whatever man. A win’s better than a loss.
you: so are you gonna get a fake tan rather than a winter jacket this year?
me: I don’t think I’d suit it.
you: you’re yet to find something you do suit. And did you really stay there? You were risking your life surely?!
me: hmmm, aye, the lock that was half hanging out of the door, and the 2 holes in the door where previous locks had been didn’t inspire confidence
you: previous locks, or bullet holes?

Lily Allen : The Fear (mum, sweary alerty)

oh, and the cat’s back. Phew. Thanks, to those that said she would be :-)

Apr 13 2012

Friday 13 April 2012: The high life

On the train down to Liverpool for a stag do today. I decided to treat myself to a fine dining experience on the train. A few good beers and a trip to Greggs. Sorted.

I had booked myself into the quiet coach as I can’t be doing with listening to other folk. Turns out the quiet coach also appears to be the dingy coach and I was as far from a window as they could possibly have put me. So now I’m sitting in another coach, with a cackling hen do, listening to the results of a ‘Mr and Mrs’ quiz and repeated calls of "he’s naw done this seriously". But at least I have a window seat.

It’s the missus last day at work for a year today. But Molly still hasn’t shown up so she’s not in the mood for celebrating.

you: what the hell is that?
me: Northern Light. A tasty brew by the Orkney brewery
you: not the beer ya Muppet. The pastry clad monstrosity
me: a coni peh. The recently relegated to second place pie of champions.
you: macaroni cheese, in a pie?
me: aye. Nice eh.
you: Not what i was thinking exactly. And what could possibly have taken first spot in your league of nastiness? Tripe on a baguette?
me: No, the steak and black pudding pie sold by the bakery opposite the Rob Roy centre in Callander. It’s worth the trip out there, believe me.
you: i wouldn’t take gastronomic advice from you in a million years
me: your loss. Now where did i put the salad cream….

Apr 12 2012

Thursday 12 April 2012: Miserable.

Our wee cat has gone AWOL. We haven’t seen her in 48hrs. Normally she’s home every night at tea time. I’ve put wee notes through the doors of all the houses on the street. Hopefully she’s just shut in a garage or something and my note prompts her release. If she could come home, she would.

Having an emotional attachment to anything is shit. Sometimes I think it would be better to be a rock. Emotions must be a genetic flaw. Come on Darwin, sort it out.

The line of dots is geese that were flying over this morning when I was out lookin for the cat…2 hours before I normally get up.

you: here puss puss puss.
me: not helping.

Emily Smith : Always a smile.

Apr 11 2012

Wednesday 11 April 2012: Man down

i came back from the bar to find I had a wee plastic man floating in my beer. Just the usual night at the pub then. By my reckoning, hopefully in 2 weeks Oz will be joining us at the boozer. Cannae wait.

Got back from the pub and ordered a new washing machine. I think I may regret that in the morning.

you: why?!
me: "virtually bomb proof" it says
you: when you say "it says" what you should be saying is "the marketing team say"
me: hmmmm. But the bearing unit is from a truck!
you: says the marketing team
me: "built like a battleship" it says though
you: marketing team.
me: have I been duped?
you: only time will tell. But if you haven’t, I’d be surprised. Seeing as you are an idiot.
me: aw but look at it here, it looks cool
you: hmm, I’ll give you that one….if a washing machine can ever look cool

Jackson 5 : Blame it on the boogie

Apr 10 2012

Tuesday 10 April 2012: Rain

I like seeing rain falling.

That is all.

Oh no, I remembered something else. It seems like the washing machine has died again. Time to get an ISE 10 and be done with it I think.

you: "I like seeing rain falling"?
me: eh….yeah it looks cool
you: you seem somewhat distracted
me: playing MW3 with the guys from work.
you: bang bang you’re dead. Saddo.

Prince : Kiss

Apr 9 2012

Monday 9 April 2012: Big skies

you: been a while since you back blipped
me: I know, there wasn’t owt worth mentioning, and I was tired, so I went to bed. A slow day at work as a result of it being easter monday and barely anyone being in
you: how very uninteresting. There must be one positive thing you could say?
me: the train was quiet.
you: ok I was hoping for positive and interesting
me: sometimes you hope for too much

Kylie : Can’t get you out of my head

Apr 8 2012

Sunday 8 April 2012: Retro.

I bought this today. I love it. I reckon it will still work….if I can work out how to use it. It’s a lovely bit of engineering, it all scrunches up neatly in it’s own wee box and looks like a train coming out of it’s tunnel. I want to take a family portrait with it.

The photo in the background is one of my all time favourites. It’s of dad’s family, all out on the grass, and taken by a travelling friend of my grandad.

Visited Doog and we played about with his air rifle which was cool. I think I could be the next Leon. I even have my own plant.

But the most important news of today is that I won the family easter egg decorating competition. So it looks like the farce of 2 years ago is well and truly behind me.

you: health and safety at the forefront of your mind as usual I see
me: eh?
you: "played around with" and "air rifle" should never be used in the same sentence
me: but it was bolt action and had a revolving clip.
you: and that makes safer how exactly?
me: oh yeah, I’m getting ‘cooler’ and ’safer’ mixed up.
you: exactly! And I’m sure the engineers that designed the camera will be delighted to know you think it looks like a train.
me: since this model was made between 1913 and 1922 I don’t think the engineers will be thinking of much to be honest.
you: I imagine they will be turning in their graves to know that a muppet like you has his hands on their lovely bit of kit.

Johnny Cash : Boy names Sue.

Apr 7 2012

Saturday 7 April 2012: Passing time in the garden

Grandma’s senior citizen club was having a "soup and pudding" afternoon to raise funds. Not the catchiest of titles I’ll admit, but the raspberry mouse was delicious. And I won a box of chocolates in the raffle. K broke all chocolate eating etiquette by jumping to layer 2 of the box before layer one was complete. Unacceptable.

Mum finally bought a new sofa. After 20 years. Woo hoo.

Then we watched crap saturday night telly

you: raspberry mouse?
me: yeah it was delicious.
you: MOUSSE you idiot

Apr 6 2012

Friday 6 April 2012: Waiting on the kick

After 120miles of tortuous neck and neck racing, here we have Sutin waiting on me to kick down for the sprint to the finish.

Alternatively here we have Sutin looking back questioningly, wondering how on earth it can be possible that he is ahead of me.

Or in actual fact here we have Sutin looking back wondering why I am hanging off my bike with my phone just about dragging on the floor.

40 miles in the rain, it was a nice route and enjoyable though.

Back to BC tonight. Always nice to come back. A bottle of Schiehallion by the fire, in my slippers. All good.

you: something more than your slippers I hope.
me: socks too.

tsfb: The Proclaimers: I’m gonnae be (500 miles) (to match Auslaender’s 500th)

Apr 5 2012

Thursday 5 April 2012: Dark days

A sad day today. We were informed that one of our colleagues had taken her own life. She wasn’t even 30. I knew her well enough to say hello and have a wee blether, that was all, but it still knocked me a bit for six and I couldn’t concentrate.

From the outside she was a clever, pretty, and confident young woman. What darkness within could result in such a sad outcome? If only she could have talked to someone. Anyone.

I can’t begin to imagine how her friends and family feel.

you: I’ll let you be today :-(
me: thank you.

Christina Aguilera : You are beautiful

Apr 4 2012

Wednesday 4 April 2012: They’ve arrived

As I was wandering down Morrison St they arrived. The aliens. Their big space ship, it landed right beside me.

Went to illegal jacks tonight for tea. I skipped the nachos, I knew seeing someone else’s go past that they couldn’t live up to last weeks nachos of awesomeness. So I had a burrito instead.

I thought the taunting over missing the stag do would have passed. It hadn’t. And to top it off the taunting at missing the wedding has already started.

you: you skipped nachos?
me: yeah, it seemed unfair to have them
you: unfair?
me: yeah, looking at them they could only have been a disappointment
you: and you didn’t buy an ipad like everyone told you to yesterday?
me: naw, I went up to John Lewis after work with Gwak to buy a tablet or/and a laptop.
you: but bottled it
me: I wouldn’t put it like that.
you: bwuk bwuk bwuk bwuuuuk
me: what the hell was that?!
you: a chicken noise. Obviously

U2 : One

Apr 3 2012

Tuesday 3 April 2012: Really?

Woke up to white fields and snow falling. Quite a change from last week when it was nothing but blue skies and sunshine.

On the way home got off the train to a blizzard, but it’s not sticking around on the ground for long now.

you: another slow day with nowt to say?
me: aye.
you: it’s been about a week since you bought something. Are you feeling ok?
me: close to getting a tablet. Think I might get the sony tablet s.
you: why can’t you just be normal and get an ipad?
me: I’m beginning to wonder that myself

The Civil Wars : Falling

Apr 2 2012

Monday 2 April 2012: Ghost driver

I was out on my bike tonight when out of nowhere this digger came roaring up at me and tried to kill me. On closer inspection there wasn’t a driver, which concerned me somewhat.

A couple of resignations at work today. I half expected more.

And the missus has lost the bracelet I bought her about 15 years ago, that’s she’s worn every day since. That sucks, and made her sad.

you: slow day?
me: that’s one way of putting it
you: shame the digger didn’t kill you then really
me: I wouldn’t go that far
you: I would.

Beyonce : Sweet Dreams

Apr 1 2012

Sunday 1 April 2012: Love is….

….matching converse all stars? Noticed L&P had virtually identical trainers on the minute they arrived. Knew there was a blip in it, though I’m not sure this is it.

Headed through to Stirling and went a bit of a wander in the sunshine which was really nice. Then into the darnley coffee shop for some soup, which was delicious as usual. And they still have a bunch of my photos up which is kinda cool. They’d look grander if some bu99er would buy them.

Then the only place we could think of with an outdoor seating area was the garden centre, so we went there for a coffee and a scone and cream and jam.

you: going to a garden centre for coffee and cake. Have you aged 40 years in the last 24 hours?
me: what’s up with that?
you: you really couldn’t think of anywhere trendier than a garden centre to sit in the sun
me: no. Not really. Other than coming home and that would have taken too long.
you: that’s a fairly sad reflection on your life I think.
me: well I don’t care, they had a 2 for 1 offer on scones. The fact that they are normally twice the price they ought to be is neither here nor there.
you: It’s here and there, and you know it.

Chris de Burgh : Patricia the stripper