Sep 30 2011

Friday 30 September 2011: Emergency bike blip (holiday day 5)

out for lunch.
out shopping for birthday presents for kids.
out on bike.
cut grass (almost. started to rain as soon as the mower left the shed even though there hadn’t been a hint of rain all day).
bike maintenance.

day. done.

The other night’s sad news turned out to be incorrect. I didn’t lose the lead in the pubs visited championships, I had never had it. Very disappointing. Slightly concerned Napoleon is getting a bit serious about it all, he has been checking emails back to May to see if I did or did not visit certain pubs as he did a manual recount :-) If it looks like I’m catching him again at any point I’ll have to start checking my drinks/food for poisons.

you: no need to start looking for poison
me: what do you mean?
you: well it’s too late to start now.
me: I still don’t know what you mean
you: all those nachos you’ve been eating?
me: mmm, I do love nachos
you: poisoned
me: what?!
you: by me
me: don’t EVER touch my nachos.

Sep 29 2011

Thursday 29 September 2011: First day of work….. (holiday day 4)

…..for Jasmine. Here she is doing a fine job modelling one of the terminators fascinators my sister K has started making. So if there are any ladies out there in need of a terminator fascinator at a great price let me know as we haven’t finished started her website to sell them yet.

By the end of the shoot I was getting a bit annoyed with Jasmine. "Look happier" "look sullen", "look sexy". All I got was the same polystyrene face.

you: ok I’m slightly concerned, though not at all surprised
me: why’s that?
you: you were asking a polystyrene head to "look sexy"
me: I’m an artist. How can I be expected to work with models that just don’t do what I ask?
you: you’re an idiot is what you are.

Sep 28 2011

Wednesday 28 September 2011: Blue. (holiday day 3)

Not me. The dog.

What a freakin’ lovely day it has been. It appears summer has decided to come late. That must be at least 2 good days we have had this year.

Out for a quick cycle in the morning, then up to K&K’s where I spent a bit of time out with my camera, and a bit of time eating a huge tea. I always have a bit of a problem with portion control when I come here.

Sadly as a result of being away I think I have now lost the lead in the "pubs visited" championships. I got a text with a photo earlier to say we were even, but I imagine more venues were visited. It’s a sad day

you: be honest for a change why don’t you?
me: what have I done now?
you: it’s not just when you are at K’s you have a problem with portion control
me: well….no, I guess not
you: and now you’ve lost the lead in the pub tour
me: yeah, so?
you: you know what that makes you don’t you?
me: I’m sure you’re gonna inform me
you: a greedy lard ass loser.
me: my my aren’t you in a good mood today.

Sep 27 2011

Tuesday 27 September 2011: Life in the gutter……. (holiday day 2)

….literally. Cleaned out the gutters at both houses (just over four weeks left and I’ll never have to say that again, touch wood) today. I don’t understand how there is aquatic life in my gutters. Wee white underwater swimmer things. I was wearing gloves, but they tore and I cut my finger too, so I might be dead tomorrow from some as yet unknown poison that was lurking in the sludge. I guess they are probably some sort of fly larvae. But they don’t look like larvae. They look like wee white underwater swimmer things.

We intended to go to the pictures to see The Inbetweeners. But we didn’t. Instead we went and had lasagne at a cafe and bought mission impossible 3 on dvd. It was ok. The missus fell asleep though.

And that was that. Holiday day 2 : Done.

you: David Attenborough’s job is pretty safe I’d say
me: in what way?
you: I can’t imagine any of his documentaries ever containing the line "wee white underwater swimmer things"
me: no you’re right. He’s not Scottish. He’d probably call them "small white underwater swimmer things"
you: I wasn’t just referring to your opening adjective you idiot!

Sep 26 2011

Monday 26 September 2011: Redundant (holiday day 1)

The front brakes of a bike that lives on a turbo trainer don’t see a lot of action.

Fairly productive day, in that I finished the fence, and sorted out the bit of subsidence in the garden, and re-felted the garden shed roof.

Out for lunch with the missus. I had nachos as a starter and a main. I did ask if they had any nacho puddings. They didn’t.

you: what is it with you and nachos?
me: the snap of the nacho chips. The heat of the jalapeños. The coolness of the sour cream. The, eh, meatiness of the chilli.
you: settle down there Lloyd Grossman.

Sep 25 2011

Sunday 25 September 2011: Supreme 914’s

A good night as usual at the swamp. As usual I lost the board game even though at score time I thought I was in with a chance.

The swampling’s skating lessons had moved to an earlier slot so rather than the usual fry up at chez mungo, the missus and I headed to The Peak with the tribe to watch the bairns have their lesson and to have a very nice fry up in the process.

These skates were a big part of my life for a good couple of years. 4 hours or so pretty much every Saturday. A couple of hours with dad in the morning, then another couple of hours in the afternoon. And I was fast. Very fast. Sadly, like Zoolander I wasn’t an ambi-turner. Well that’s not quite right. I was an ambi-turner, but not an ambi-stoppper. Which when you were carrying the sort of speed I was made me a danger to everyone else on the ice. Which put an end to my pro ice hockey career before it even started.

After this morning though I quite fancy getting back out on the ice and bringing back the threat of imminent carnage to the unsuspecting public. Sadly though with regards to ambi-stopping I don’t think it will be possible to teach this old dog any new tricks.

you: so it’s only the fact you couldn’t stop in both directions that means you are not a household name in northern america now is it?
me: pretty much
you: and it’s nothing to do with you not wanting to be pummelled into the boards at high speed?
me: mmm, just part of the game, I could probably take it
you: or potentially being hit by a puck travelling at 100mph?
me: well I don’t really fancy that to be fair
you: or having a fistfight in front of a baying crowd?
me: naw, not my cup of tea
you: and there we have it. The crux of the matter is you’re a pansy
me: well, not just a pansy
you: ok, I’ll concede. You were a fast pansy.

Sep 24 2011

Saturday 24 September 2011: Century.

Have just completed my first last 100 mile cycle. The final 15 miles were a struggle as it was quite windy. Both JB and I enjoyed it though. The best bit was sitting at 20mph for nearly ten miles on the run in to Stirling… did nearly kill me though. This is the route we took. Some long climbs with the Crow Road and Dukes pass in there.

Just about to head to the swamp where I fear I won’t be the liveliest of dinner guests. Slightly concerned I might fall asleep into my curry

you: well hallelujah it’s not another self portrait
me : it came close. I took a photo of my legs in the bath with my cycle helmet to protect my modesty. I even had a mildly humorous title.
you: holy crap thank goodness you swapped it for a mediocre landscape with off colours and a bike randomly standing in a field.
me: indeed. The new shorts were good though
you: when I said I never wanted to see you wearing them again I also meant I didn’t want to hear about them either
me: they certainly stopped any chafing.
you: no more. finito. please.

Sep 23 2011

Friday 23 September 2011: Does my bum look big in this?

I always swore I’d never wear any cycling lycra. But with just over 100 miles planned out with JB on the bikes tomorrow I had to re-consider. There must be a reason that the pro’s wear it. So I bought some bib shorts. Holy crap, they don’t leave much to the imagination! I felt less exposed in my yellow wrestling trunks when I went as Hulk Hogan to a fancy dress thing. Maybe it’s a good thing. I’ll be too embarrassed to stop so I’ll just have to keep going right round the route.

you: HAHA lycra! What next, a handbag and stilettos, ya nancy boy. And 2 self portraits in 2 days? What’s going on?
me: Believe me I never thought this day would come either. But then I didn’t think I’d be cycling 100 miles either. And just like yesterday I have no idea what’s going on.
you: well I’d like to request you never post any picture of yourself wearing figure hugging clothing ever again
me: just be glad it’s not a shot from the front
you: please stop, I’m eating my tea and you’re gonna make me barf
me: meat and two veg?
you: boak!

Sep 22 2011

Thursday 22 September 2011: No idea

you: what the hell is this?
me: i’m not sure
you: any clues as to what you might have been going for with this shot?
me: mmm, man celebrating that he’s on holiday for a week?
you: oh yeah, that’s totally what I’m getting from this
me: so it was a success
you: No, you idiot. What I get from this is a man that a) needs a shave b) needs to do another button up on his shirt c) has apparently just fallen off a tractor judging by the cap d) needs a longer cable release judging by the wonky angle his right arm is heading out of frame e) needs to be taught how to pose f)….
me: ok ok I get it, your not a fan. Probably lucky you can’t see the bare feet and the workman trousers with padded knees
you: that’s quite a look you must be rockin’
me: I reckon Gok Wan will be all over it next season.
you: woah there! Hang on! Did you say you are on holiday for a week?! AGAIN?!

Sep 21 2011

Wednesday 21 September 2011: Life’s better in 3d

Poor night tonight in terms of boozer tick off. 5 pubs, only 2 of them were on the poster.

We’d made the effort to go out to Linlithgow as there are 4 pubs from there on the poster. One burned down a while back, so that left us with 3. And another was closed down. So that left us with 2. It seemed like a bit of wasted effort to go all that way for just 2 pints.

Fat Mungo joined us too. He bought some 3d glasses at the bar so he could look like this pair of cool looking characters. There was footy on in 3d. It actually looked kinda cool. A bit too realistic, kind of like HDR shots.

you: and you didn’t get a pair?
me: I don’t like footy, and I tend to find that real life is 3d enough for my liking
you: is that one of the chuckle brothers at the back
me: that was my initial thought too
you: I don’t like it when we agree

Sep 20 2011

Tuesday 20 September 2011: Need…..more……power(ful drugs)

I am in freakin agony. No idea what I’ve done but my neck/shoulders/back are very sore, to the extent that moving my arms hurts. This is not good.

So I am taking tablets, not these measly wee paracetamol. Tablets that are in a white box with my handwriting on, decreeing "Strong Ibuprofen". Who knows what the hell they are!

The excitement for the day was getting set up with dual 22" screens at work. Oh what an exiting life I lead.

you: always a good plan taking unknown drugs
me: it’s not like they came from a random shady hooded figure in a dark alley
you: oh no?
me: no, I’m pretty sure they came from a doctor
you: and yet they are in a box with your handwriting on
me: no different from the box in the cupboard marked "muesli" in my chicken scrawl handwriting, that appears to contain sawdust
you: I’m fairly sure that’s a lie.

Sep 19 2011

Monday 19 September 2011: My ears are bleeding

Moved offices today. And my new seat sucks. I am right beside, and angled towards a wall. I can’t even see a window, never mind natural light. Not happy.

Met Jenelope after work though and we went to the Mercat for some nachos. Awesome as ever.

Then we went to cabaret voltaire to see Slow Club. Doors were meant to open at 7, so how come when we arrived at 740 there was still a queue outside? It’s not like it’s a 10,000 seater stadium. And then why was the second support act just coming on when I was told on the phone earlier today that the main act would be on? Schedules people. Schedules. Why can’t you stick to them? It makes me mad

you: lot’s of things make you mad.
me: but why does it take 20 minutes to swap instruments over between acts? The last dude was just him and his guitar
you: it’s all about building up the atmosphere.
me: screw the atmosphere. If you say you’re gonna be on at 9, be on at 9.
you: holy crap you can be a miserable git sometimes! Were they any good
me: oh aye, I totally enjoyed it like last time
you: there you go then
me: and Sweet Bamoo, the support act was pretty good too
you: double whammy then
me: they were still late
you: I give up.

Sep 18 2011

Sunday 18 September 2011: Shelter

Some lovely patches of blue sky this afternoon, and other parts that looked black enough to be the heart of darkness. I got one of the former as I set off, and several of the latter for the rest of the ride. I just had to stop for a bit of shelter at one point. It was properly bouncing down. I cut my cycle out the A70 short, just did 15 miles in the end. I enjoyed it even though I got soaked though.

Then I headed round to Napoleon’s for a brew while I waited on the missus. While I was there we got to discussing our recent alcohol intake, which it turns out was causing us both some mild concern. A quick peruse of and it turns out we’re a country mile off the "harmful" level of 50 units. Must try harder ;-) is a very good site. I dare say it’s provided useful info and helped a lot of folk.

Mum and dad popped in on the way home from visiting the girls….and shamed me into pulling all the big weeds from my lawn.

you: no wonder you cannae get rid of the ‘love handles’ even though yer on the bike all the time!
me: I know. I’m very aware that this freakin pub tour is doing more harm than good
you: it’s nothing to do with the pub tour, it’s the amount of beer your drinking!
me: ticking off the boozers from the poster is very addictive though.
you: this sounds somewhat like denial.
me: naw, this week was, and shall remain, very much the exception. It was just because we were out on saturday which I very rarely do. Not long to go and the tour will be finished. Then I’ll cut back to my usual beer intake which is pretty minimal. So mum, you can stop worrying.
you: I’ll be keeping my eye on you.
me: so will I.

Sep 17 2011

Saturday 17 September 2011: You’re due a deuchars.

I saw this several times today. I say several, what I meant to say is seven. Another cracking afternoon out ticking off boozers with the boys. Napoleon, Colin, and special guest FK were out.

We’re still a bit addicted to this boozer tour. The last one I visited today brought my total to 85. And it’s awesome fun. FK asked if any of us have put on weight since we started drinking more than we used to. Colin’s response was "it’s all ok, because what I put on in weight I lose in liver, so it balances out." Well put that man.

Today’s were in the southern wastelands. So Dalkeith, Bonnyrigg, Lasswade, Loanhead, Milton Bridge and Penicuik. Some right weird ones. The wierdest thing of the day though was the organisation Napoleon showed. He had pre identified the numbers of every bus stop we needed to use, so that online checking of arrival times was possible, and we essentially worked to military precision. A new Coach is born?

you: would it not have been easier to just sit in a pub you like, say Teuchters?
me: easier yes. Enjoyable? No.
you: really?
me: aye, it’s ace. It’s like trying to complete a panini sticker album, except you get a beer at each place rather than a sticker
you: how would you know what filling out a sticker album’s like? I bet you’ve never done that in your life!
me: false!
you: so you have patiently bought pack after pack of stickers, sorted out the dupes from the needs, and taken part in the subtle art of playground bartering?
me: well, no, I waited till someone else completed the WWF (when that’s what wrestling was called) ones, then offered to buy it off him
you: I knew it! That is totally lame!
me: I know, he’d stuck some of the stickers in squint. I should have done a proper quality check before the transaction went through

Sep 16 2011

Friday 16 September 2011: It’s running out.

About 6 years ago, or maybe even more, I was given this as a surprise gift. Not from family for a big birthday, or from the missus, but from a good mate while in a boozer. Grand Cru to be exact…..that’s the boozer, not the mate. I still consider it as being on long term loan in case he ever wants it back. I’ve kept the presentation box too.

Cold and wet today so I didn’t do the planned 55mile route on the bike. Did half an hour on the turbo trainer while watching Open Season again instead.

you: the real reason is ’cause yer a lazy ass
me: I still did something though at least
you: oh yeah well done, you swapped a 3 hour cycle for 30 minutes in the garage
me: well when you put it like that….
you: you’re a lazy ass?
me: partially
you: that watches cartoon films because he’s too slow to keep up with real movies
me: now that part I totally agree with.

Sep 15 2011

Thursday 15 September 2011: Money, money money money…..


As aerodynamic as a brick.
As aesthetically pleasing as a 60’s apartment block.

But would I have one if I was rich? Too right I would.

Out tonight for probably my last ever free bar. Work are moving out of the offices they have been in for 8 years or so, and I have been in for almost 2. I managed to be relatively sensible and leave after 4 jars. I think one more would have tipped me over the edge and it would have been an all nighter.

Got home and managed to cook the wrong pizza

you: what makes a pizza wrong?
me: I cooked the one that was in date.
you: sounds like the right one too me
me: but we have one that is 5 days past it’s best before
you: which is obviously ready for the bin then
me: no it’s not
you: and you reckon this is the truth why?
me: it’s not mouldy, and it has no meat on it
you: so a lack of mould makes things ok?
me: and a lack of meat
you: remind me never to come to your house for tea
me: I’ll be having it for breakfast instead. Feel free to join me
you: eh, I’m washing my hair.

Sep 14 2011

Wednesday 14 September 2011: Livin’ in the 80’s

Manly stance leaning on the bar? Check
Chino’s? Check
Pager? Check
Wine cooler? It’s on the way.

Here we have The Chemist, apparently stuck in the past. Thankfully he has a manly modern car that pulls him right up to date…..oh hang on, he doesn’t. He didn’t have a wine cooler though, and he had the $hitmobile MkII with him to save us a bit of walking. Good lad.

Another 5 boozers ticked off, taking me to grand total of 78, with Napoleon in second place with 75. One of them was the boozer The Chemist’s dad used to run, so was a bit of a trip down memory lane for him.

you: you can’t talk about anyone else having a non manly car
me: and why not?
you: because in your car you are like the king queen of the hairdressers

Sep 13 2011

Tuesday 13 September 2011: Lost sensor contact.

How can the batteries have run out already? I only changed them a couple of months ago.

-look out the window-

Oh. That’ll be the problem then.

My poor old trusty weather station. A day and night of almost constant 45mph+ gusts proved too much for the mounting pole. But did every part of it have to smash? I can’t even use any of it for spares

you: requiring spares suggests you’re gonna get another
me: of course!
you: why? You don’t use it for anything important
me: I like the graphs
you: not this freakin’ graph obsession again?
me: I just find them interesting
you: I can’t keep repeating myself, but I will. You are a sad man. Look at someone elses graphs
me: it’s not the same. I like graphs of my data
you: it just gets worse.

Sep 12 2011

Monday 12 September 2011: Something wicked this way comes.

In fact it didn’t come from this direction, it came from behind me. The tale end of Hurricane Katia gave us a bit of a battering today. At 6pm my weather station recorded a gust of 68mph. That’s pretty windy in anyone’s book.

Left work early in case there was travel turmoil. It can take much less than this for the trains to go to pot. Turns out they didn’t in the end, but plenty of other folk had the same idea.

Wandering about with earplugs in and wireless headphones over the top. Wind just stresses me out.

you: what are you still getting stressed about the wind for?
me: because we still haven’t got the money for the freakin’ house
you: and?
me: It would be just like the thing if we lost a pile of tiles and had to pay to get that repaired
you: it would serve you right.
me: eh? why?!
you: I haven’t thought of that bit yet. I’m sure there’s something.

Sep 11 2011

Sunday 11 September 2011: Wicked witch.

Kinda glad I couldn’t get to the start of the Pedal for Scotland sportive because it has been one utterly rank day. And I think the next couple of days are only gonna get worse.

And instead of spending 6+ hours out in the wilds on my bike I spent 40 minutes on it in the garage while watching "Legend of the Guardians – The Owls of Ga’Hoole" which I am totally enjoying. Who knew owls could fashion metal into helmets and war talons? Not me.

Another lazy(ish) day. Caught up on the last round of the BTCC. Caught up on the latest of the OZ WRC. Caught up La Vuelta. And later I’ll catch up on the Tour of Britain.

Oh. And got an awesome email today : "We’ve sold another one of your photos" Sweeeeeet! That’s 4 now.

you: You are aware Legend of the Guardians isn’t a nature documentary?
me: ah I was beginning to wonder. It did seem somewhat far-fetched.
you: I’ll tell you something else that’s far fetched, you trying to claim "6+ hours" if you had done the sportive.
me: what’s wrong with that?
you: you are kidding right? I bet you couldn’t do it in 8hrs!
me: could too!
you: No. You couldn’t. But I’m gonna throw you some slack today because I like your photo
me: <cough!> <splutter> What did you just say?
you: you shouldn’t have pushed me. I’ve changed my mind.

Sep 10 2011

Saturday 10 September 2011: Finally found one.

But it would appear someone or something else found it first.

I’ve wanted to take a photo of a fly agaric for ages. Still, at least I now know where they grow locally, for next years blip.

Today has been a lot of tv watching. Tonight is gonna be more of the same. Strictly and XFactor. Tat tv overload.

you: you are a freak of nature. A man that’s willing to watch Strictly?
me: Holly Valance in a wee dance dress? What’s not to like?
you: when does it start?
me: thought that might get your attention.
you: aye, but you can’t claim that as your excuse for every previous year you’ve watched it.
me: mmm, fair point
you: and freak of nature point 2: who "wants to take a photo of fly agaric" full stop? Never mind "for ages"
me: what can I say?
you: going on past experience nothing that will make you sound less strange. And the less said about XFactor the better.

Sep 9 2011

Friday 9 September 2011: Tak-ma-doon Road

It looked like today was going to be permanent heavy drizzle. And up until about 2 it was. Then it stopped, so I got out on the bike. 37 miles almost exactly, and 2000ft of climb.

Almost half of the climb on Tak-ma-doon Rd up out of Kilsyth. I guess I did it in the wrong direction seeing as I suppose the name translates to Take Me Down Road. Whatever. I enjoyed it. Right up to the point that I saw this signs partner. It wasn’t just a stream running over a tarmacked road, it was a stream running over slimy large flat stones. Just what you want when you are on skinny tyres at 100psi. I decided not to ride through and as a result got wet feet. Which got cold.

you: always whining. Did you enjoy the ride or not?
me: I did.
you: that’s all you needed to say then.
me: I’ll remember that for the future.
you: you’d be well advised to. And it’s called rain.
me: what is?
you: heavy drizzle
me: no, this was definitely heavy drizzle and not rain.
you: RAIN
me: nope. In scotland there is a definite distinction
you: idiot.

Sep 8 2011

Thursday 8 September 2011: Stripes

What can I say about today? It happened.

you: and that’s all?
me: essentially
you: nothing else to declare?
me: eh, I love toasted sesame oil.
you: I wish I hadn’t bothered asking.

Sep 7 2011

Wednesday 7 September 2011: Ding ding, here comes the $hitmobile. (2)

The teacher owned the original $hitmobile. A renault 21. In brown. With tan leather seats. I think it may even have had an orange stripe. Which obviously just added to the $hitness awesomeness.

This is The Chemists new motor, which he picked up tonight. A saab 9000. Sadly no leather. But it does have heated front seats and a slidey outy aerial. And check out the squareness of the rear window, nice. No wonder he’s got his thumbs up.

A meagre 4 boozers tonight. Not for the lack of trying. Napoleon and I ran about half a mile in the tipping rain to get to boozer 2, which was closed down. So had to run another half mile to the next one. It was freakin’ freezing, and we got utterly soaked.

you: and what have you learned from tonights boozers?
me: that having a mate that’s just bought a car is handy for getting between them?
you: no, try again
me: not to expect Kate Kate Katey Kate to be in there just because it’s called Middletons?
you: well she’s a windsor now for a start. But you shouldn’t even have expected Pippa to be there. Try again
me: even if the sign says "Real Ales" it doesn’t mean anything?
you: very true, but not what I was aiming at. Last chance
me: not to judge a boozer by it’s exterior or location?
you: that’s ma’ boy.

Sep 6 2011

Tuesday 6 September 2011: Thank goodness…..

….for early morning emergency blips.

Just grabbed this on the way to work this morning, thinking I’d get something better to replace it. I didn’t.

Met Honined for a bit of lunch today – in grand cru. So I went back, just as I said I would a few weeks ago. The risotto was pretty tasty.

Engine warning light on in the car, I assume due to yesterdays issues. So I turned if off. Fingers crossed it doesn’t come back.

you: I’m fairly sure just turning off the engine warning light isn’t the best approach
me: pah! I reckon that’s all a lot of garages might do and then charge you 80 quid for the privilege
you: that’s very cynical
me: maybe
you: owt else on today?
me: aye, thought I’d weigh myself tonight. 13 stone 8 pounds
you: haha! porker. No wonder the amount of beer you’ve been drinking lately
me: I know. Either the beer intake has to go down or the exercise time has to go up.
you: so what are you doing tomorrow?
me: pub.
you: thought so. Oink.

Sep 5 2011

Monday 5 September 2011: The Royal Hotel

I don’t think Kate Kate Katey Kate will be staying here any time soon. This wee toon freaks me out a wee bit. To the extent I didn’t want to get out of the car with all my camera kit. I kinda like the lomo/accidental light feel to this. I forgot the car door had puddle lights.

Spent nearly 3 hours getting the car started tonight after the missus flooded it. I found out though that I can push/pull a car up a hill by myself by pulling on the spokes of one of the wheels, getting the car rocking a bit and slip a brick under the wheel, and repeat. It took a while, but I got there in the end

you: You were scared to get out of the car?
me: I wouldn’t say scared.
you: No? So what would you say?
me: reluctant.
you: or in other words scared.
me: there were some scary looking folk kicking about!
you: you’re scared of everyone
me: I know. That’s why I stay indoors.
you: BOO!
me: don’t do that!
you: you poor pathetic snivelling little creature.

Sep 4 2011

Sunday 4 September 2011: Shooting stars

another late one. This was taken at 3am after too much booze. I’d just seen a shooting star which is always cool. The chemist was standing on the bridge looking at the milky way. I like being places where it is dark enough to do that.

Because the missus wasn’t around to do the photo properly Napoleon had to stand in. He holds hands the wrong way. I don’t like it when people hold hands the wrong way. Not that I hold many peoples hands. I’m glad it’s not him I’m married to. There are lots other reasons I’m glad I’m not married to him too. Not sure why I am typing any of this actually. Lack of sleep I think.

White Lightning dropped me at home which was freakin ace as I wasn’t looking forward to the train journey.

you: are you still drunk?
me: no. Why?
you: why else would a non gay man be considering the pro’s and con’s of being married to his non gay friend?
you: I wasn’t weighing up pro’s and con’s. Just pointing out that I know I made the right choice marrying the missus.
you: eh, was marrying Napoleon ever an option that would suggest there was a choice to be made?
me: no.
you: stop talking $hit then.
me: yeah, sleep calls.

Sep 3 2011

Saturday 3 September 2011: Poo(h) Sticks.

Had possibly the worst fry up I have had today. And it was 10 quid! The sausages were poor, the haggis tasted of fish. The black pudding was bland. And the service was freakin awful. Luckily the banter was good.

Then we played pooh sticks.

Out to laggan wolftrax this arvo. Although I rode up to the top of the slab several times I couldn’t make myself go down it on lap 1. I told myself it was because it was pouring with rain making the rock slippy. On lap 2 it had stopped raining, so that was that excuse knackered. So I did it. Got the heart racing. Awesome :-)

Then The Chemist and I jumped off this bridge. So I could be sure the water was deep enough I let him go first. He survived. Also he’d seen some locals do it earlier in the day, and thought he had jumped off it as a kid on a school trip. Would kids be allowed to do that these days? I doubt it.

you: did you remember?
me: what?
you: the bit of advice I gave you yesterday?
me: I can’t remember yesterday, never mind any advice.
you: which kind of suggests you didn’t follow it.
me: oh, yeah, lots of water and early to bed. No. I didn’t follow it.
you: bridge jumping? Very sensible for someone that can’t swim very well.
me: I thought I was doing the best swimming of my life….until I tried to get to the side and realised I was actually just doing current assisted floating.
you: all’s well that ends well I suppose.
me: and The Chemist has his "rescue from the pool while wearing pyjamas" badge.
you: safe as houses then

Sep 2 2011

Friday 2 September 2011: March of the penguins

Or more accurately march of the stags. Headed up to Aviemore for FK’s stag weekend tonight. It turns out that crazy vimto’s just don’t taste the same when they weren’t made for you by Fat Mungo dressed in a horse outfit.

you: oh dear, so a weekend of too much booze and not enough sleep coming up?
me: I’m guessing so
you: just remember one thing
me: what would that be?
you: you’re too old for that kind of carry on now
me: I know I know.
you: so what are you going to do?
me: make sure and drink plenty of water and get to bed at a sensible hour
you: good boy

Sep 1 2011

Thursday 1 September 2011: Climbing. Done.

Good climb tonight. I nearly finished a 6b on the comp wall. There were just 2 more moves to go but I couldn’t get them. Next time…..

First time we’d seen Tony there in a while. He was breezing up an 8a. Very impressive. There’s not an ounce of fat on him though, everywhere is just defined muscle.

you: looking at blokes bodies again?
me: what do you mean again? He was climbing with his shirt off. Almost the entire place was watching him on the route.
you: the entire place? Consisting solely of females, and you.
me: I can’t be bothered with this nonsense.
you: ok ok. So you reckon if you lost your lard you could do an 8a?
me: well, no, but it might help. And it’s not lard. It’s……..puppy fat
you: you’re the oldest freakin’ puppy I’ve ever seen.