Jul 31 2011

Sunday 31 July 2011: Unexpected

Imagine our surprise when we opened our pack of Natural Confectionery Company dinosaurs and found this monster. Then imagine our disappointment when we realised that the Natural Confectionery Company isn’t a wee national company, but part of the Cadbury group. Bring on the trumpets still makes me laugh though.

Out cycling with White Lightning this morning. He came by to pick up me and my bikes and we went to Carron Valley. He left with my GT. It’s a sad day. It’s just a loan, but it still brought a tear to my eye. My first ever full suspension bike….gone to another home. Still, it means there’s room in the garage for a new one…..

The missus and I watched Sherlock Holmes. I liked it, even though I was knackered and kept falling asleep. Then we went round some car showrooms. Nothing caught our eye(s)

you: Nissan GTR?
me: would love to. But 6k service intervals? No thanks
you: and the small matter of the 60k cost.
me: well, there’s that too.
you: and the worse fuel economy than you currently get
me: yup, that too.
you: and the tyres at 350 quid + a go each
me: and that
you: pagani zonda R instead then?
me: aye I think so. Much more sensible.


Jul 30 2011

Saturday 30 July 2011: Inside out.

Through to the swamp for lunch with Fat Mungo and family. Followed by a photo shoot with his bairns. I think they were sick of ‘uncle rxs’ and his freakin’ camera by the time I left. But I reckon I got some nice shots.

Then out for tea with the missus to my favourite restaurant, Dusit. And once again it didn’t disappoint. My main may have been over £20 quid, but it was fantastic. There was so much in the way of monkfish and squid and prawn and scallops it was worth every penny.

The missus went for something noted as very spicy. It just about blew my face off. This prompted much ridicule as sweat was instantly beading on my forehead, while she calmly ate away at it. Rather than "are you a man or a mouse" she just skipped to referring to me as "mouse man".

Tempus for a drink afterwards, and to watch the world go by. All good.

you: you let the missus order something hotter than you from the menu?
me: I don’t "let her do" anything. She does what she wants
you: what i meant was you didn’t man up and ensure you had something spicier
me: why would I do that?
you: because as a man you are genetically programmed to ensure you eat the spiciest thing at the table.
me: but I didn’t want to.
you: yer missus got it wrong proclaiming you a Mouse Man. You are 100% mouse.
me: but I just wanted something tasty.
you: squeak squeak squeak.


Jul 29 2011

Friday 29 July 2011: Dynamo. Magician Impossible.

Is it all fake? Are they all stooges? I don’t think so. But at the same time the things he does aren’t possible. So what the hell is going on?

Mum said we should have a look out for Dynamo on tv as she had seen him interviewed on something. So we did. And it was awesome. But I don’t understand it. How could he bench press 155kg? It’s not like he’s muscular, his arms are like bits of thread with knots in.

And how did he do the thing with Scott Mills and the newspaper on radio 1? And how did he….

Are there any magician blippers that can shed some light on things?

Nice to see Natalie Imbruglia on telly again though. She doesn’t seem to have aged since Torn, but that was about 15 years ago.

Out on the bike for my 30 miles again. No new records, but it was nice to be out.

you: ooh, no new records. You know what that means?
me: what?
you: your mediocre abilities as a cyclist have peaked.
me: aye thanks for that.
you: time to either find a new sport….
me: jeez give me a chance….
you: hang on…. or get a new bike. Last weeks new one shaved 5 mins off your time. Just imagine what an even better one could do for you
me: woah. It’s like an epiphany. I like your thinking!
me:


Jul 28 2011

Thursday 28 July 2011: Touch wood.

The estate agent phoned this morning:

We have an offer on the house. Can you freakin’ believe it! After over a year and a half someone finally wants to purchase the house. Hopefully the missives can get sorted out fairly sharpish so that it’s a binding contract. Touch wood it all goes smoothly :-/

Good climbing tonight.

you: is that a coca cola euro ‘96 t-shirt you have on?
me: eh, hello? We have a buyer for the house.
you: it is! It’s a euro ‘96 t-shirt. You don’t even like football
me: are you listening to me? We have a buyer for the house
you: how many cans of coke did you have to drink to save the ringpulls off to get that.
me: I give up. None. And I got two t-shirts
you: you wee thief!
me: no! One man’s trash is another man’s t-shirt
you: aggh. Binraker! That’s even worse!
me: I wouldn’t go as far as binraker. More of a recycler in first year at uni
you: aye aye, whatever. I’ll stick with binraker.


Jul 27 2011

Wednesday 27 July 2011: Again?

The Teacher was out again tonight. Bambino 2 still hasn’t arrived. Maybe that’s because it’s not due yet. Colin’s missus also announced she was expecting bambino 2 today. Apparently Colin wasn’t aware of this. The announcement. Not the bambino. That would be a worry.

The teacher had already set my 500th blip from yesterday to be his wallpaper on his phone. That was kinda cool as I keep forgetting he reads them.

Tonight was our most productive boozer ticking off apart from the other weekend. Seven. Nice. The Teacher, Colin, White Lightning, Napoleon and myself.

I appear to have got into one of the stinkiest train carriages I have ever had the missfortune to ride in. And that’s after I’ve moved from a carriage where there was someone that coughed every 2 seconds. That was incredibly annoying.

you : are you sure the stinkiness isn’t following you?
me : it would appear that you are suggesting that I am stinky
you : well, it has been known.
me : no it hasn’t
you : eh, yes it has. Remember that day you delivered some prints to the restaurant?
me : eh, I prefer not to.
you : because you were stinky
me : and confused. I’d only just had a shower. How can that be?
you : because your default position is stinky?


Jul 26 2011

Tuesday 26 July 2011: 500

you: seriously?
me: what?
you: for your 500th you photo yet another bottle of desperados?
me: best lit bottle I’ve ever done though. And this ones open. So now I can drink it
you: whoop-de-do. Where are the ridiculously over the top celbratory blips like 365 or 300?
me: I did’t have time. I wrote a blip poem though
you: oh good grief. This can’t be good. Your grasp of the English language leaves a lot to be desired.
me: hmm, yeah it does read a bit more like a nursery rhyme than a proper poem. But here goes:

Blipping’s not an option,
it simply must be done.
Mostly it’s the bestest.
But sometimes it isn’t fun.

500 days and counting.
I haven’t missed a day.
I really didn’t think it,
not me! No chance! No way!

The missus hates to hear,
me calling down the stair:
"Just hang on ’cause I am blipping,
10 minutes I’ll be there."

10 minutes turns to hours.
And still I don’t appear.
How long can my marriage take it?
At most I’d say a year.

Of course I’m only joking.
Kind of.
The end.

you: well that was even worse than expected. "Bestest"?
me: hmm yeah. Not great eh?
you: Well, at least you tried I guess. And how joking are you?
me: not very. Tonight’s comment was " I wish you would give me half the attention you give blip".
you: oh dear. Fair comment?
me: sadly yes I think so. So to the missus: "I hereby declare that I will spend less time on blip and more time on you…..not literally…..unless you want me to?…..No?…..Spare room again?….ok" ;-) xxx


Jul 25 2011

Monday 25 July 2011: 7:34am…..

And this was the view from the train…before it was basterdised by lightroom

you: you mean by you
me: no, lightroom did it.
you: no, you did it.
me: no I just fire up lightroom and it turns crappy train shots into….
you: crappy train shots with a weird colour balance?
me: exactly.


Jul 24 2011

Sunday 24 July 2011: Squeak

Molly the cat has started bringing us mice. 2 today, both alive. Thanks cat.

Read a bit about the horror of yesterdays events in Norway. What a terrible waste of life. And the b@st@rd that did it will probably get put in prison only to sue the country because of some bollocks european human rights law. I hope he rots in hell.

Got out on the new bike for a few hours. It was a properly glorious day. So when I got back I sat in the garden and had a bottle of magners. I’m not sure I like it. Then the missus got back and she had bought a bottle of fizz, so we sat in the garden and had that. I know I like it.

And that was the day. Sunshine sunshine sunshine. Long may it continue.

you: what use is it being sunny tomorrow, you’ll be at work
me: good point. I hope it’s grey and cold until about 5:30
you: I don’t really have much to say.
me: me either today.
you: but yesterday’s tale just popped in to my head. That brought a smile to my face.


Jul 23 2011

Saturday 23 July 2011: The sh*tty stick

The estate agent phoned us today:
"I’ve got some good news and some bad news"

not a sentence I am ever fond of.

"The good news is that you have your first second viewing in a year and half of trying to sell the house.

excellent. What could the bad news be? (and these aren’t her exact words, but may as well have been):

"You know how the entire house is drained down, including the toilets…"

I don’t like where this is going…

"Well someone has taken a dump in one of them.

WHAT THE F*? I mean seriously. Come on. There’s no water in the pan. There’s no dunny paper. WTF?!

So I spent the afternoon re-hydrating some utter moron’s turd so that it would hopefully flush. It didn’t. So I used a stick to scrape it off.

If anyone is still reading and not barfing in a corner, I then visited my friend RP who had the horrible accident in the hills. He’s still got the neck brace, but seemed on good form. And that’s where today’s blip comes from, I spotted this Kenworth with wedding ribbons on. What an awesome wedding car.

Then I saw an advert on tv I liked. As I’ve said before I don’t watch many adverts, but this one was for Match.com and I liked it. A dude in a train station playing a tune on his ukelele and singing a song to a girl on another platform. I imagine that’s how davidd met H :-)

you: HAHAHAHA
me: you’re getting some enjoyment out of something obviously
you: yeah, imagining your face….hhaha…..as you scraped…..haahha…..some freaks turd…..HAHA….off of the porcelain…HAHAHAH…with a stick you pulled from the bushes…AHAHAHAHH!
me: I’m glad you find it amusing.
you: oh I do I’m going to enjoy this one for a long time.
me: Needless to say I’ll have the last laugh….I have the address of the freak and am going to post him the sh*tty stick……… if only


Jul 22 2011

Friday 22 July 2011: Under orders

"I want you to blip the flowers in one of my pots" was the demand from the missus last night. So I have. Apparently they are the wrong ones though.

Out on the new bike for the first time today and it was superb! Shaved over 5 minutes off of my best time for my 30 mile loop, and dragged my average up to 17.1mph. I was well pleased, it seems like I can rip up hills on it.

Then I went climbing which was good too. There was a dude there with his 2 daughters, one about 13, the other 7 or 8 I’d guess. The older of the 2 was doing a lead climb, and every so often he’d say "right, jump", and she’d just let go and he’d let her fall miles. Then she’d climb a bit higher than her last jump point, and jump again. She was doing this from like 60ft up. It was freakin’ mental…and awesome. The younger lass was doing slightly less mental stuff. I commented to the dad he had some fairly crazy daughters to which his reply was "I’m just training them". For what?! Life as an aerial assassin? Mission Impossible 6? WHAT?

you: bit of an active day for you eh, with cycling and climbing
me: I know, I’m knackered.
you: sounds like you could do with some of that guys style of training if yer ever gonna get any better at climbing
me: aye, I know. I’m never gonna get better while I’m scared of falling
you: you must fall all the time though eh?
me: eh…I’ve never fallen.
you: what?
me: if I think i’m gonna fall I either call it quits or do everything in my power to get the next hold
you: call it quits? Loser.
me: I’m gonna take that insult as I think I deserve it.


Jul 21 2011

Thursday 21 July 2011: Whoops. That’s not a 5dMkIII

It appears that my plan to save up for a Canon 5dMkII/III has hit a bit of a stumbling block. In the shape of a new bike. On Tuesday I was half considering starting to do a bit of research into road bikes. Wednesday I ordered one. Today I collected it. I wish I could slow my purchase process down a bit sometimes to give me a chance to think about what I’m doing. The one I was going to go for had a minimum of a 2 week lead time. My attention span isn’t that long, so I went for something else. It’s lovely.

you: your subconscious self is about as utterly moronic as the rest of you
me: in what way?
you: because it knows fine if you thought about things a bit you would realise getting another bike is stupid
me: possibly
you: so your subconscious self fires up a website, gets out the credit card, and hits confirm before you get a chance to realise.
me: you might be on to something
you: and now you’re gonna be stuck with the 400d for ages even if they bring out the 5dIII
me: but….it’s a carbon fibre frame
you: oooh, carbon fibre. Let’s have a shot.
me: not a chance. It’s drizzly outside. This is a fair weather bike
you: it’s not gonna see a lot of use then, seeing as you live in Scotland. Idiot!


Jul 20 2011

Wednesday 20 July 2011: Tinkle those keys.

The Teacher was out tonight. Remember this day. The Teacher was out. With bambino 2 about to appear I reckon it’ll be a while before he’s out again. Which is a shame. Also featuring in the blip are Napoleon, The Chemist, and Colin

Found a new favourite burger place too. The Holyrood Tavern. Knocks the old fave of the Cambridge off top spot as you get piri piri fries. But pushing 4 quid a pint. Not on.

Another 6 boozers ticked off. I have an addiction coming on. Not to alcohol, but to the changing colour of pins. We have a google map with all 150 or so pubs marked by a pin. The pin starts blue. When we’ve been the pin gets turned green. It brings tears of pride to my eyes to see the vast swathes of green on the map now. To think what we’ve accomplished in such little time. I think the pride I feel when I look at that map must be the same as parents feel when their kid wins the three legged race, by themselves, kind of.

you: you are a complete and utter fool. There’s nothing else I have to say on the matter except what the hell is the title all about?
me: oh. I’m in love. With a keyboard player
you: pretty was she?
me: no. It was the way he played with an air of complete and utter nonchalance.
you: hang on a minute. He?
me: yeah, his lovely grey hoody. His beer belly. His slightly strange hairdo. The way his fingers danced across the keys without a care in the world
you: ok. I’ve had enough of this nonsense. I’m going to sleep.
me: good call. It’s gone midnight.


Jul 19 2011

Tuesday 19 July 2011: One down, 249 to go.

My business cards arrived today. Pleased with them…..I think. I’m not 100% sure that they are the traditional size though. I used the template the printers supplied though so I guess they are a traditional size.

Started looking at road bikes today. Thinking of going for a Ribble at the moment, though a mate says his had a 3 month lead time, and if mine took that long I’d have lost interest.

Spent the evening struggling to get a microchip catflap working again. How can it work flawlessly for 3 months then decide to give up the ghost. And the replacement works fine out of the door, but not in it.

you: you gave one to the wife didn’t you?
me: how rude. I don’t think that’s any of your business!
you: I meant your business cards
me: well….
you: that’s a yes then. And what the frick are you doing looking at another bike for? You have seven already!
me: yeah but none of them are proper road bikes
you: so what’s that sitting on the turbo trainer?
me: eh, an old road bike
you: just as I thought. Idiot.


Jul 18 2011

Monday 18 July 2011: This years crop

And man were they tasty! Delicious in fact. I’m hoping we might get a few more.

Seeing as it’s the middle of summer and there was beautiful sunshine when I got up this morning I left my jacket at home. Obviously had a bit of a brain meltdown and forgot I lived in Scotland. By lunchtime it was obviously going to be pi$$ing down, and it was.

Better again by home time so I did a quick 9 miles on the bike, a new route that should be do-able in half an hour if I can get better at the final hill.

you: unlikely to be getting a contract with tesco for strawberry supply any time soon then?
me: mmm, no. Maybe M&S.
you: eh, I think they need more than three every couple of months
me: but these aren’t just any strawberries, these are R X S strawberries.
you: which adds to the value how?
me: exclusivity.
you: ah I see. Idiot. And you’re not gonna be in the tour any time soon either doing a whopping 9 miles.
me: hey it’s a rest day in the tour!
you: and i bet they all still did further than you.


Jul 17 2011

Sunday 17 July 2011: Herding cats…..

….is easy. You ought to try herding butterflies. Which is what I did for half an hour in the woods this afternoon.

I rather liked this wee brown dude. I don’t think the feeling was mutual.

Just a lot of bumbling around today feeling tired after yesterday’s beer extravaganza. No hangover, just tired. I fell asleep on the couch last night watching the tour, woke up at 3am and thought the central heating had been put on it was so hot. It hadn’t.

And that was my day.

you: And wasn’t it interesting.
me: yeah one of the highlights of my life for sure
you: and one of the highlights of mine was reading all about it. Oh no. I got that wrong. What I meant to say was you now owe me the 30 seconds of my life back that I have wasted reading this drivel
me: ok I think lidl have a special offer on retrieved wasted time this week. I’ll see if I can pick you some up
you: assuming all the market traders and ebay chancers haven’t been in and grabbed everything off the shelf
me: well, obviously


Jul 16 2011

Saturday 16 July 2011: 10 pints of awesomeness

Had a freakin’ awesome day out today. We ticked 10 more pubs off the poster. But more than that, I had a really exciting ride on public transport. Who knew the edinburgh area had such nice beaches? Not me. It was pointed out that they were only nice because it was raining and there were no neds. But today they looked nice.

We went in to some boozers I wouldn’t normally look twice at. They looked rough. Several of them were rough. I also had one of the worst pints of my life. And we went in to the second gay bar of the week. And they had freakin’ awesome nachos. Really, seriously good. It was a great day.

We saw terns. They weren’t in the "book of birds you might see" provided by the boozer they were in at the time. But they were terns.

I had a blast.

Napoleon, Esme, White Lightning, I salute you. The chemist. I salute you too.

you: ten pints? Bit excessive no?
me: I’m not entirely sure I’ve ever had a ten pinter before, other than stag do’s.
you: and were the nachos really that good?
me: oh yeah, they were good. And prompted my favourite quote of the day. " I want more gay nachos". And they didn’t just have good nachos. They had good beer. They had good atmosphere. The Regent : I salute you.
you: a lot of saluting going on tonight
me: that’ll be the ten pints.
you: good luck with feeling human tomorrow!
me: I’ll be fine. The toast’s on. The water’s poured
you: and the spare bed is made up?
me: well, yeah….


Jul 15 2011

Friday 15 July 2011: There it is again.

Inspired by all the cycling I have been watching from the Tour de France on TV lately I headed out to do my 30 mile loop with every intention of beating my personal best time. With 7 miles to go I was 3 minutes up. With 3 miles to go I was 2 mins 40 up. And I managed to hold on to be just over 2 minutes up. Woo hoo a new pb. Tour de France here I come…..if I can shave another 50 minutes or so off my time.

Also as a result of watching the tour and seeing all the crashes, today was the first time ever that I bottled it on the steepest downhill section. Normally I try my hardest to hit 50mph with 49 being my best so far. Today I couldn’t even make myself pedal. Still hit 42 just freewheeling while tucked down though.

you: buck buck buck.
me: what’s that meant to be?
you: a chicken noise.
me: not a very good one.
you: hey I’m having a go at you here not the other way around.


Jul 14 2011

Thursday 14 July 2011: 2 weeks late.

This was meant to be blipped as the clock ticked over 100k miles but I missed it. It’s been mostly a negative experience owning it, but rather than dwell on that I’m going to jot down my top 3 drives as something positive to remember

1) The teacher came over one night and we drove up to glencoe with the intention of camping for the night. But it was drizzly when we got there so we lit a fire, heated up our "breakfast in a can" and ate that, and drove home. 200 mile round trip of awesomeness. The great roads were virtually deserted, apart from the drizzle at one end the weather was grand, and we flew. Freakin awesome.

2) An owners club run over the B827. I hadn’t been able to make it, then I saw the planned route took in my favourite bit of road so I changed my plans. The organiser pulled the train of 8 or so rx8’s over to let me take the lead. And we flew. Freakin awesome.

3) The run I did after I put a can of BG44K through for the first time. It was like I had a new car. It flew. In fact it was the first day you made an appearance.

you: 100k miles eh?
me: aye.
you: lets work out how much that’s cost you in petrol
me: no, lets not.
you: ok so lets call it an average of a quid a litre since 2003
me: no, really, lets not
you: and you get what, 20.5 mpg
me: I’m serious, lets not…
you: so that’s 4878gallons, 22,175.8L, so, just over £22k up in smoke
me: I feel slightly nauseous
you: and about £21k in depreciation
me: stop now
you: and about £3k on tyres
me: please. stop. please
you: this is so much fun
……….
me: just remember the run to glencoe….just remember the run to glencoe….


Jul 13 2011

Wednesday 13 July 2011: Whhheeeee

Spotted this walking on the way to the boozer. Perhaps I didn’t make the most of it that I could, but hey, it’s a blip.

Another 6 boozers ticked off the poster tonight. Then I left and the Chemist, Napoleon and White Lightning went on to a 7th that I had vetoed earlier in the evening. Mental. 7 Pints. They’ll regret it tomorrow.

Good nachos in McLachlans. Was a bit dubious about going there but it turned out to be quite a nice boozer. Good banter from the barman. A couple of real ales on. And chilli nachos for a fiver. Not the best nachos I’ve had, but possibly verging on best value.

you: is beer and nachos all you rate pubs on?
me: nope. Banter from staff….
you: adds to enjoyment
me: seating
you: adds to comfort
me: ehhh, ambiance
you: you don’t even know what that means
me: no, but I’m sure it’s important….eh…..beer
you: had that.
me: mmm, me too. Isn’t it lovely.
you: well, yes, I suppose. And what gave you the right to veto a pub?
me: it had changed name from when the poster was made. We’re gonna have enough trouble getting through the 150 or so that are on it, no point making it even harder for ourselves


Jul 12 2011

Tuesday 12 July 2011: Reminiscing

"I was never that wee. I didn’t shout non stop for 48 hours. Ah, I remember the days when a piece of scrunched up paper was fun". Caught the cat looking at her photo on the windowsill today

15 miles on the bike after work. Quick sausage sandwich. Watch the tour. Eat half a pot of humus. Evening over. How did that happen

you: she wasn’t looking at the photo you numpty
me: she was. You can clearly see she was from the photo
you: no. She was staring at nothing in particular, as cats like to do
me: you believe that if you want. I know what she was doing.
you: and is that really all that happened today?
me: nope. Got the train tickets bought for our upcoming holiday
you: holiday again? You pair are frickin’ ridiculous


Jul 11 2011

Monday 11 July 2011: A day earlier….

…..than last year.

Even more abandoned wellies than I remember last year. I’d like to think they were recycled and went to kids in some wet country. But I imagine they end up in the local tip.

Cut the grass up at the old house tonight as we have 3 viewings booked in for this week. 2 of them don’t even have their houses up for sale so are utter timewasters, but I think telling them to feck off might be a bad plan. You never know, they might win the £160M+ lottery tomorrow night.

you: if they do I dare say they won’t be buying your house.
me: fair point. I’ll just get the estate agent tell them to rack off
you: I still wouldn’t do that if I were you. And "rack off"? Have you been watching australian telly again?
me: aye, angry boys. It’s pretty good. Not everyones cup of tea I imagine. In fact probably not most peoples cup of tea. But we like it. We liked Summer Heights High too, which was the same dude.
you: perhaps you like it because it accurately describes your persona?
me: tired boy would be more accurate tonight
you: the days when you could class yourself as a boy are long past buddy.


Jul 10 2011

Sunday 10 July 2011: Draw? Outrage! Cheat.

We went to the co-op with the intention of only buying things with orange "must go today so it’s ridiculously cheap" stickers on for our lunch. We almost managed…..except for the popcorn….and frozen peas….and this set of balls/boules.

We got home and I ate my orange stickered pork pie (singular. small), then had a game of what I would call Pétanque. But what we were probably playing was ‘throw the bigger balls as close as possible to the smaller balls’.

Anyway, the missus won, 10-9. I asked for a rematch. She said she didn’t want to play to ten, but would play to 5. Ok fine, but it was agreed that it would still count as a full point in the rxs Pétanque-a-like invitational championships.

As I was about to win 5-4 all of a sudden it was no longer worth a full point. It was worth half a point. I was outraged, so continued to play alone. Which doesn’t have the same appeal

you: I don’t know who’s more childish. The missus for changing the rules after it was agreed, or you continuing to play alone.
me: she started it!
you: and there’s my answer. Case dismissed.


Jul 9 2011

Saturday 9 July 2011: Sunny with showers.

As we got a taxi home from the wedding last night I had to cycle through today to pick the car up. 18 miles that I was looking forward to. Right up to the point that I woke up and felt like someone was inside my head with a jackhammer.

What the hell is this? I don’t get hangovers? I just get tired. But this was a proper hangover. I hadn’t even drunk that much. What was the cause? Lack of water before going to bed. Idiot.

Anyway, seeing as I didn’t leave until almost lunchtime I felt not too bad and did quite enjoy it.

New pads and discs fitted to the car today. One is rubbing though so even without using the brakes the wheel gets too hot to touch. Not good. Taking it back tomorrow.

We watched a documentary on Kate Kate Katey Kate in canada today. I think I might start collecting Kate and Wills memorabilia.

We had a surprise house viewing today. The missus took it. Fingers crossed she is a better saleswoman than I ever was.

you: I would hope that she was a better saleswoman than you. Seeing as she is a woman and you’re not.
me: ok ok sales person. You know what I meant.
you: and the fact the house is still up for sale suggests she can’t be any worse than you were.
me: fair point.
you: and why are you still calling the Duchess of Cambridge "Kate Kate Katey Kate"?
me: just…because.
you: and I hope you are joking about the memorabilia
me: eh, kind of.
you: you sad man.
me: what’s not to love? He can fly a helicopter and she has a smile that can light up a room
you: I think I’m going to have to find someone else to have blip discussions with. You just embarrass me.

……..
backblipped yesterday


Jul 8 2011

Friday 8 July 2011: Shuttle clear for takeoff

At Jerome’s wedding tonight. These were the lights in the roof of the marquee. Looked pretty cool I thought, kind of space station-y.

He looked dashing in his full kilt gear, and his new missus looked lovely in her wedding dress.

Some ceilidh, some booze, and some banter with some of the old work crew. All good.

Then a taxi ride home with a driver that didn’t know where he was going. The meter was at 8quid before we even got to the exit of the venue I would have used. He re-set it when I pointed this out though

you: he looked "dashing"? What century are we in?
me: well how would you describe the groom at a wedding?
you: I probably wouldn’t. Using ‘dashing’ it sounds like Enid Blyton is helping you write your blip. Did George and Timmy burst out of the cake?
me: For all you know maybe Enid is helping me write this.
you: you are aware she has been dead for over 40 years
me: WHAT? How can that be? Did Julian not always solve Famous Five mysteries with the use of his camera phone?
you: what are you on?
me: and Dick was always getting lost because he was playing angry birds on his ipod?
you: eh naw.
me: are you sure?
you: that you are mental? Yes.


Jul 7 2011

Thursday 7 July 2011: Green

I just liked the colour of the sun shining through the leaf in the living room

you: most people have plants. You just have a leaf?
me: ok, it’s a leaf attached to a plant
you: ok. Glad we cleared that up. Do owt tonight?
me: half an hour on the turbo trainer. And I was desperate to….eh….pass wind from about 2 minutes in
you: so why didn’t you?
me: because the way my stomach was as a result of all the wonky food I ate yesterday it would have been fraught with danger
you: are we really discussing this?
me: it appears so. Oh, and I got caught up on Le Tour. The speed those guys go at for mile after mile is incredible
you: and there was you not moving a millimetre sitting on your turbo trainer
me: aye, kind of ironic
you: is it?


Jul 6 2011

Wednesday 6 July 2011: May the force be with you…..

…..because your gonna need it to get out of that space! I hope these folk knew each other.

Another good night at the boozer(s). Another 5 ticked off. Tonight was me, Napoleon, White Lightning, Colin, The Chemist and his missus. A decent burger with haggis in the Albanach.

Then home to watch the apprentice. Natasha has got to go, she winds me up no end. I think Jim redeemed himself a bit tonight too, with my favourite quote of the series coming from him while he was on the street selling. To a passer by carrying a massive load over his shoulder: "would you like something else to carry sir?"

When I got home I realised I had some leftover fajita stuff prepared. Which led to a monster binge of out (mostly) of date food.

you: and what did this binge consist of?
me: 2 bits of toast with fajita mix
you: not bad so far
me: and 2 bits of toast with strawberry jam
you: still sounding good
me: and some stale crisps
you: ok going downhill now
me: with out of date humus
you: when are you going to learn about out of date humus?
me: that had been out of the fridge all day
you: idiot
me: and a strawberry and cream tart that had been out in the missus office all day
you: that should be ok though
me: all day yesterday
you: oh. Well at least that was all
me: actually 2 of those tarts
you: you are an complete plonker and deserve whatever pain your stomach throws at you
me: oh, and I cut my lip on the packet of indigestion tablets
you: I don’t think you’re meant to eat the packet.


Jul 5 2011

Tuesday 5 July 2011: Max power

Heavy tints? Check
Oversized exhaust hanging off? check
Max power would be proud. Except I think it’s out of publication.

Freakin knackered today. Didn’t get to sleep until after 2 last night. I hate lying awake getting more and more annoyed at not being able to get to sleep which results in even less chance of getting to sleep.

you: how come? What’s bothering you?
me: strangely, the old house
you: what’s dragged that up?
me: no idea!
you: and you think lack of sleep is an adequate excuse for this truly awful blip?
me: I am quite aware that nothing is an adequate excuse for this blip.
you: well at least that’s something.


Jul 4 2011

Monday 4 July 2011: How much power’s being used? Too much

Today started off badly. I stepped in dog sh*t on princes street.

you: oh oh. Here we go. Another rant about your hatred of dog owners that don’t clean up after their dogs
me: this is a slightly different rant. Normally it’s about folk that pick up the mess then throw the bag in the trees. But what kind of moronic waste of space lets their dog crap on the pavement on Princes St and just leaves it? Princes St FFS! They should be hung drawn and quartered. Or at the very least made to lick the sole of the shoes of every person that has the misfortune to stand in it

Anyway, that resulted in me spending 10 minutes doing the dog sh*t shuffle in a corner of st andrews square to try and clean my shoe.

Then at lunch time I had to go in to Claire’s Accessories to buy stuff for a cousin. That was almost as traumatic as the earlier incident. Too much pink.

Got home and the energy monitor Eon were doling out had arrived. Better than expected as it has a usb connection. Woo hoo. More graphs for me.

you: you are a sad git. I thought your last graph based excitement was geeky enough. But this probably takes the biscuit.
me: don’t you find it interesting at all?
you: nope, and I imagine no one else does either.
me: but….it’s graphs….and it changes when you turn a light on
you: you need to find yourself a hobby
me: but watch…..<click>…turning that light off reduced my power usage by 12W
you: woopee freakin’ do! So essentially you are now going to walk around in the dark.
me: probably
you: wearing a wind up head torch.


Jul 3 2011

Sunday 3 July 2011: Fight to the death

headed through to Linlithgow today to see the event that Historic Scotland were putting on at the Palace which included jousting. There was no fighting to the death, but one of the knights did get taken away in an ambulance with a dislocated shoulder. Close enough I guess in this day and age of health and safety/nanny states.

On the subject of which, I asked the dude at the burger stall if he could cut my venison burger in half to better fit it in the pitta bread. He had to call another guy over to do it with a "I haven’t got my knife-work health and safety certificate"! I wasn’t wanting him to perform surgery on it, just cut it in half.

Anyway, it was kinda cool seeing the horses done up in their clothes and the men in their battle gear. They must have been absolutely roasting as it was probably the hottest day we have had up here so far. Couldn’t decide on a photo to use for blip, the other being this which I prefer except for the horse looks a bit static.

you: the horses done up in their "clothes"?
me: what would you call them then?
you: no idea, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t call them clothes!
me: well unless you come up with a better suggestion that’s what I’m calling them
you: how are yer legs after your big cycle run yesterday?
me: totally fine. Which was a bit of a surprise
you: You’ll be glad it wasn’t as hot as today
me: totally. I’ve caught a bit much sun today. A wee bit burnt.
you: tut tut tut. You’ve watched enough australian soaps to know slip slop slap
me: I know I know.


Jul 2 2011

Saturday 2 July 2011: Too…..tired….to….type….

Ok not really that tired. 83.65 miles on the bikes today. Furthest either JB or I have cycled. So we’re on for the 100. I dare say we’ll never get as lucky with the weather. Quite literally not a breath of wind today. Warm but not too warm. Perfect. Much better than last time. The route we did is here if anyone cares.

At 40 miles I was questioning how sensible riding the same distance again was. I concluded it wasn’t particularly, but that’s what we set out to do. So that’s what we did. And I enjoyed it.

Got stuck in the stupidest traffic jam ever on the way home. 2 miles of queues. We got the "lane closure in 800….600….400" signs. Got to the 200 sign…..and there wasn’t a freaking lane closure! Insanely annoying. And just goes to prove my theory from the other day. Brake lights are the problem.

Anyway. Got home and the missus had bought me some of the random beers I like. Awesome.

you: I didn’t think you’d make it
me: I know you didn’t
you: you only did it to prove me wrong didn’t you
me: yup.
you: and now you are gonna curl up in a ball and sleep for a million years
me: yup
you: so you’re very first sentence is a lie
me: zzzzz…….z…..z………


Jul 1 2011

Friday 1 July 2011: R.I.P Nutty Professor

The wee dude from yesterday didn’t make it. That made me sad.

Delivered framed photos to the restaurant.

Watched Murray get beaten by Nadal. Shame. After the first set I thought we might be on to something.

Tomorrow I am going cycling with JB. The route we have planned is 80 miles.

you: ha! You cycle 80 miles?
me: yeah I’m thinking along the same lines
you: why are you doing it then?
me: hmmm, not sure. I think we are both dubious
you: but not willing to back down.
me: exactly
you: still you’ve been doing a bit of training right
me: eh, 30 miles every now and then
you: and JB?
me: 50 miles pretty much every weekend
you: you’re screwed. Shall I line you up a pile of stones and a wee RIP cross?
me: that would be appreciated