Feb 28 2011

Monday 28 February 2011: Missing in action…

Got on the train with Fat Mungo tonight and these bad-boys were sitting on the chair. Abandoned. Or at the very least forgotten. I handed them to the conductor as he passed. I hope they find their way back to their owner. I like the flat cable on them to reduce tangles.

Went up to the old house tonight to tidy up after the plumber. The carpet seems to have dried out pretty well. A couple of the radiators seem to have developed a drip. And I’m probably tempting fate, but I think the part I need to fix the shower is going to be under 20 quid, though fitting it might be a nightmare.

you: and is this shower repair something you’re gonna leave to the experts?
me: naw, I think I’m gonna give this one a go myself.
you: are you sure about this?
me: well it can’t go much more wrong than it already has. There was water running out of the light fittings already, once more aint gonna matter.
you: well, I guess. No exercise tonight?
me: nope. But boy did I need to do something. Thought I wasn’t all that hungry at lunch so just had a panini. 10 minutes later I was chowing down on a curry
you: wide load. You’ll need a police escort and flashing lights soon.

Feb 27 2011

Sunday 27 February 2011: Driving home

Lovely sky tonight as we drove home from K’s. There was the most beautiful shot to be had heading out along the riverside from dundee….I wasn’t allowed to stop though so this will have to do.

Had a good day, my first ever product photoshoot, for a jeweller. It would almost have been enough to pay for my tokina….if it hadn’t cost me 70 quid in petrol to get there…..and I hadn’t bought some of their stock as a gift…..Still, a profit is a profit, right.

A lovely lunch too. 2 hams glazed with different, eh, glazes. And mum’s classic, "winter medley" veg

you: glazed ham. Mmmm, one of my favourites.
me: yeah, and cooked in ginger beer too. Freakin’ awesome.
you: oooh not so sure about that.
me: oh you should try it, seriously. Saw some photo’s of Jenelope’s new paintings too. Very nice.
you: what are they for?
me: she has an exhibition coming up. Very exciting.
you: cool. Well, just shows who got the artistic and culinary talent in your family then eh? One sis cooks like Nigela, the other is an actual artist. You just stick to yer snapshots eh.

Feb 26 2011

Saturday 26 February 2011: The Dragon

…and it’s keeper.

Up at K’s for a night. I like coming here. I feel relaxed here. Dad says the same. It’s a nice place to come. This is the heating system. Called a dragon, it’s designed to take a big round bale in one go. Pretty cool.

Out for a nice meal too. With the added excitement of being in a car whose ‘remaining miles’ range display for fuel was dropping far faster than we were actually covering distance, and was far less than the distance we had yet to go. We hit 0. But we made it.

The Teacher’s cousin, who is a plumber, came out to fix the boiler in the old house. It was all going so well (in a not going all that well fashion) until he came to refill all the water systems in the house. And the water came pi$$ing out of a light fitting in the roof. The shower is busted too. AGGHHhhhh I hate that house.

you: and…relax
me: it’s a bit hard to when things keep going wrong
you: at least the boiler can be back up and running though
me: yeah I guess that’s the way to look at it
you: but it’s not the way you are going to look at it is it?
me: no
you: you’re going to lie awake stressing about it aren’t you?
me: probably
you: time to fire up beauty and the beast until you fall asleep

Feb 25 2011

Friday 25 February 2011: Bonsoir

Got a french themed party to go to tonight. It’s for Napoleon and Esme’s non wedding anniversary.

I spent a few hours this afternoon trying to find a vaguely french (stereotype) tshirt. Which proved to be quite hard. In the end I found this in the "Fred and Freda" section of tesco

you: looks to me like it’s more from the freda section than the fred section
me: ehhhh
you: oh what?! It is from the freda section isn’t it?
me: well, I was getting desperate and it was starting to rain
you: you look very, eh, pretty
me: I can now confidently say that womens size 14 lycra tops aren’t the best fit on me
you: I can see that.
me: I’m just glad I realised the first one I picked up was an ‘off the shoulder’ job before I got to the till
you: believe me, I’m glad of that too.

Feb 24 2011

Thursday 24 February 2011: Two curry thursday….

….again. It’s been a while. Went to the canteen late on purpose. By that time one of the chefs has taken over from the serving lass and he fairly piles the food on. Had the vege option today, and it was very tasty.

Then met Steven at the wetherspoons for a £5 curry and pint. And it was tasty too. And that place is soo cheap. Tonight, for exactly the same round as last night (at £20.05), it would have been well under a tenner! And they serve desperados…..of which I had a couple.

you: no climbing?
me: naw, Steven fancied a curry, and my fake coin toss landed on curry too, so that’s what we went for
you: but the vege option for lunch? What were you thinking?
me: hmm, I actually like vege curry. And it looked better than the generic "chicken curry".
you: owt else to report?
me: I had a go with a Nintendo 3ds today at the temporary building nintendo have set up in St Andrews Square.
you: and?
me: It was pretty cool. The 3d certainly works
you: you bought one didn’t you?
me: I had no intention of buying one before I went in
you: I sense a but…
me: but, had they been available to buy I might have had one.
you: sounds like they missed a trick.

if anyone has any opinions on picture frames could you take a look at these and maybe pass judgement.

Feb 23 2011

Wednesday 23 February 2011: Rubbish……..

….is the stupid pc sync software for your phone crashes your pc causing you to lose your photo and the text you had been typing out in notepad for your blip

me: I’ve done this once already today. I can’t be bothered doing it again
you: boozer tonight though? Any decent quotes you want to remember?
me: yup, the boozer. I don’t know about you, but £20 for 5 pints and some peanuts seems a bit excessive
you: no time for whinging. Any quotes you want to remember?
me: "I want a plate of meat". The Chemist. His main memory from corporate hospitality at a recent manchester derby.
you: that’ll do.

Feb 22 2011

Tuesday 22 February 2011: Desperate

This fella was walking from bin to bin with a set of long tweezers so that he could get at the cigarette butts in the bin top ashtrays. He then appeared to be extracting any remaining tobacco into a plastic bag. He was also checking all the pay and display machines for change. In a tough place I guess.

Half an hour on the cross trainer. Totally puggled

Watched top gear from the weekend. That show is really starting to get on my nerves. Far to much of the three of them @rsing about wasting my tv licence money. Taking a combine to Norway to do feck all. What a waste of time. Mind you the Zonda R on last weeks is my dream hypercar so that was cool to see. While the Cinqueis probably my dream supercar. The only redeeming feature on this weeks was Amber Heard, the "star in a reasonably priced car". Good grief was she a pretty girl. Crap on the track though.

you: heading for a slap from the missus tonight I’d say
me: why. No one could deny she was pretty
you: she’s in zombie land eh?
me: apparently. I don’t remember her though. I’ve only seen it twice, but it is totally ace.
you: agreed.
me: are people really born with teeth that perfect?
you: you certainly weren’t
me: I dare say she wasn’t either.
you: but i’d put money on it that in no point in her life was she able to bite a sandwich and pull it away from her mouth with the entire thing still in tact
me: hmm, probably not.

Feb 21 2011

Monday 21 February 2011: Dirty Boy.

I saw this sticker in a crack in the pavement on my way to work this morning. I didn’t stop to blip it. Then at lunchtime I went back hoping it was still there. I loitered for a while until the green man came along so that there weren’t loads of people beside me.

you: wandering around looking in cracks in the pavement. Never a good sign
me: if you don’t look down how will you ever find dropped money?
you: I knew there had to be some sad reason. And has this ever resulted in you finding anything?
me: a couple of fivers, and a wallet with a tenner in once. Mum took me to the police station and we handed it in. Months later I got the tenner. Result.
you: Your mum took you? When was this exactly?
me: about 20 years ago.
you: right, so in 20 years you’ve found 20 quid. A quid a year. Not exactly minimum wage eh?
me: I guess not.
you: and just for your info, the green man isn’t a real person who runs around all the pedestrian crossings. He doesn’t "come along". He is either on or off.
me: You can think that if you like. I’ll stick with my theory

Feb 20 2011

Sunday 20 February 2011: More power.

I took your advice from yesterday. I literally got out of the other side of bed this morning.

I finished off making the beauty dish flash modifier I have been working on. Then I made the repair to the roof permanent with lead rather than felt. Then I made the roof starling proof (I hope). Then I started work building what I need for my 365. Then I caught up on the world rally championship. Then I ate half a tin of chocolate brownie the missus made, which is de-lic-ious.

I also found that by leaving 66% of the safety bolts off my roof hooks it takes much less time to get my ladders ready for the roof.

you: And award for most likely to feature in the darwin awards 2011 goes to rxs
me: eh?
you: leaving the safety bolts off your roof ladder to speed things up. Speed what up exactly? Imminent death?
me: ach I’m sure it was safe as houses. Still much safer than the wooden contraption we used when I worked for dad.
you: well, I guess you’re still alive. Sounds like my advice worked too eh? Yer not being a whiny biatch today
me: yup, I realised why I have been in a cack mood. I haven’t been outside.
you: and you reckon that’s it? The solution?
me: yup, getting outside and doing stuff. All good now
you: just a shame you keep doing things like eating whole banana loafs, and trays of chocolate brownie. Soon you’ll be housebound and need the fire brigade and a crane to get you out.

Feb 19 2011

Saturday 19 February 2011: Top Tips.

1) Never, ever, ever rush when you are spray painting
2) Don’t use cling-film to rest things on when you are spray painting
3) Book cinema tickets when for the first time since Avatar you decide to go to the pictures.

I had been following 1 religiously (which is interesting as I’m not religious). But then a failure to follow 2 ruined things. I had a perfect spray finish, didn’t notice that some cling film had blown up and stuck to the side, and removing it peeled off layers of spray. Agggh.

And we went to see the kings speech. Sold out. At 245 on a saturday? So we went and bought Pelham 123 and watched that at home. It was ok.

Oh, and the missus caught up on my blips of the last couple of days, and I got none stop abuse for being a whining git.

you: It’s a fair call though
me: I see. So now you reckon you are safe it’s back to the mean you is it
you: lookin’ kinda like it. You have been a whiny biatch. Have you been out tagging the neighbourhood with your spray can?
me: I’m 20 years too old to go tagging
you: so you were a tagger when you were wee?
me: what the hell would I have tagged where I grew up? A tree? A patch of field? Actually I was allowed to spray paint my bedroom.
you: that’s kinda cool
me: yeah. And then Jenelope stole my room and painted her own stuff in there
you: oh geez, so not only are you still whining, but you are digging up stuff you have whined about before. My suggestion to you: Get out of bed on the other side tomorrow.

Feb 18 2011

Friday 18 February 2011: Country Livin’

No mangled feet and greasy feathers here. Just a big, plump, healthy looking bird, wandering (very briefly) about in the "garden"

So after yesterdays whine-fest it was unbelievably nice to find out that some blippers, most of whom I have never met, actually give a monkeys about whether I post a photo and some random conversation with an imaginary friend each day. So thanks to those who commented.

I don’t think I’ve ever had my car threatened before either – so a big thanks to Gaz for his campaign. I think you got the wrong adjective though man. It should have been ‘old’ rather than ‘posh’ :-)

Some more fabrication today. The project is nearing completion. I already have the next lined up, I need it for my 365.

you: hurrah, I’m still alive
me: indeed you are.
you: and you said I was your friend
me: What else would I class you as? I talk to you every day
you: I guess. Not sure about the imaginary bit though. What I read in to your ‘country living’ pigeon comment is that you grew up in the country and were a fat kid
me: how on earth you decided on that I have no idea. You were right on one count though
you: ah. A fat city dweller. So you have mangled feet and greasy hair?
me: have you been drinking?

Feb 17 2011

Thursday 17 February 2011: Screw this

Is how I feel about a bunch of stuff at the moment.

At the top of the pile? Work.

Second on the pile? Blip.

I never saw that one coming.

Met H.A for a bit of lunch today. When I say a bit, I mean a huge pile. A whopper meal, followed by a chicken tendercrisp.

No climbing tonight, Steven had work to do.

I got a text from The Teacher tonight. He figured I sounded pretty down in my blips and was checking things were cool. I didn’t even know he read my blips, so that was nice, on 2 counts.

you: lard. ass.
me: tell me about it.
you: why so much?
me: we had vouchers. Buy one get one free
you: and you felt the need to use as many as you could?
me: right.
you: Thought as much. …….I’m not sure how to say this
me: spit it out
you: I’m scared.
me: of what exactly
you: If you stop blipping, I’ll cease to exist
me: you were around a long time before blip. I dare say you’ll be around a long time after.
you: but if you’re not transcribing it and it’s all internal, people may fail to realise you are a loony

Feb 16 2011

Wednesday 16 February 2011: Frustrating

For 2 reasons.

1) the car’s steering was fixed by lubricating a joint on the steering column. How it could become seized all of a sudden I have no idea. And it cost me £80 for the pleasure of finding this out. Still, it’s working again, that’s the main thing
2) working from home. I don’t really like it at the best of times. Even less so today. The last few weeks have lacked direction. The other day we got given the final specs/requirements….for the iteration we had just finished

Day over.

you: oooh that £80 is gonna haunt you for a while eh?
me: for sure.
you: and no trip to the boozer again this week?
me: naw.
you: you’ll be getting the shakes due to lack of beer
me: i’m not quite that bad, but I could have happily sunk a few jars tonight
you: and yet you didn’t. You are an odd fellow.

Feb 15 2011

Tuesday 15 February 2011: "The steering’s not working"

Was the phone call I got this morning.

Met Fat Mungo on the train after a bit of text organisation as we got on at different stations. He came bearing gifts. A hot sausage roll. Totally random, totally tasty. And left me totally covered in crumbs

you: oh dear. Fairly fundamental flaw on a car I would have thought
me: yup, I reckon so.
you: how does steering "not work" exactly?
me: it’s like the power steering works for a bit of a turn, then stops, so the steering gets really heavy, then light, then heavy, etc
you: doesn’t sound great.
me: no. It’s not. It’s times like this I wish we had a wee second car as a runabout….or a cerbera.
you: and now of course you are totally stressing about it all
me: yup
you: man you just really need to chill out. I thought that was your new years resolution……

Feb 14 2011

Monday 14 February 2011: Roxanne….

…..you don’t have to put on the red light. But it appears you have. 4 times. Right in amongst the high end shops on George St. Seems a strange place for a new brothel to spring up. Maybe it’s not a brothel.

Anyway this is my tribute to valentines day. There are a lot of blip roses and chocolates and lovehearts, i’ll just post a link to a police song….about a hooker.

It’s a good song though. And an even better drinking game. Split into two teams, everyone sitting down. One team takes "Roxanne", the other takes "Red Light". Put the song on and whenever either of those lines is sung, that team stands up and takes a drink, and sits down. Sounds easy? Wait until you get towards the end. A good laugh, especially when you are already half drunk.

There are a lot of things I detest in this world. My missus isn’t one of them.

you: OH…..MY…..GOD!!!
me: what?
you: are you serious?
me: what?
you: is that your attempt at romance? Saying that your missus isn’t one of the things you detest
me: well. Yeah. That’s a good thing surely
you: unbelievable! I think you have perhaps gone too far the wrong way from "commercialised nonsense"
me: ok ok so I got her a card. How many cards did you get Mr Lover Lover
you: :’-( None.
me: well if you hadn’t been so mean to me yesterday I might have felt sorry for you.

this one’s for Auslaender and Ele. When I was looking for the shaggy song, this was the first thing I found.

Feb 13 2011

Sunday 13 February 2011: Fabrication

Spent a bit of time making something in the garage today. Maybe when it’s complete I’ll blip it.

Spent half an hour on the turbo trainer this arvo. My legs were like jelly at the end. Then a bit of time with the weights. Benched 90kg which is more than I weigh. Well pleased with that. I don’t think traditional weight folk would accept it seeing as it was on my multi gym. But I don’t care.

The missus has made a banana cake. First in ages. And it’s freakin ace. And for tea we are having fish and chips. So I guess that negates all the exercise.

you: it doesn’t count.
me: I knew it!
you: knew what?
me: I knew you wouldn’t accept my 90kg
you: well, it doesn’t count does it. How can it. It wasn’t just a straight lift
me: ach screw you monkey boy. I don’t care what you think
you: ah but you do
me: no I don’t
you: ah but you do. I bet right now you are googling weight benches and 100kg free weight sets.
me: I am not……that page just happened to come up…..sometimes I hate having you around.
you: and your ‘fabrication’. Not exactly stihl saws and I beams is it. A dremel and some thin stainless sheet
me: holy crap are you on a mission to totally emasculate me today?
you: it would appear so. How am I doing?
me: pretty good. I hate you.

Feb 12 2011

Saturday 12 February 2011: "you can’t see me, you can’t blip me"

Just to prove the cat wrong I decided to use this crappy shot. Her first explorations outside. It was quite amusing, as every noise resulted in her jumping. Kind of like the scene in "Stand By Me" when Vern is standing guard with the gun.

Watched "The Social Network" tonight. I quite enjoyed it. It looked like they used tilt shift filming in it at the rowing bit. I’ve never seen that in a film before…that I’m aware of anyway. I don’t use facebook. It’s quite incredible how much it’s worth though. Now if only I could come up with an idea….

you: that would require a spark of creativity though.
me: I can do creative
you: not judging from this blip you can’t
me: I was just trying to prove a point
you: to a cat.
me: eh, yeah
you: on the internet much is she?
me: not that I’m aware, no
you: nice work. Genius.

Feb 11 2011

Friday 11 February 2011: Sister of battle

I’ve lost my missus to warhammer 40k. She’s not always in the shop with the kids and the slightly over-enthusiastic staff, rolling many sided dice and shouting about "line of sight" this and "out of range" that. But she has started playing Warhammer 40k: Dawn of War on the computer.

I’ve only got myself to blame. I bought it for her on steam. She used to love red alert (who didn’t), and as I just upgraded the graphics card in her pc I thought I’d get her a more up to date game.

I have been saying "shall we watch that film now?" To which the response has been "in a minute"….for the last 40 minutes.

you: blimey you must be less interesting than I thought if yer missus wants to play warhammer on a friday night
me: it’s not my fault. She has an addictive nature when it comes to computer games
you: well, it is your fault. It’s you that upgraded her pc and bought her the game
me: well. Ok. It is my fault.
you: stop complaining then. Just be glad it’s not world of warcraft.
me: Oh it’s banned from the house. No way is she getting that. I’d never see her again…..ever.
you: I dare say she might be quite glad about that.

Feb 10 2011

Thursday 10 February 2011: Wonky

Good climb tonight. Still through at stirling which is so much warmer than ratho.

After a night of stressing yesterday about "what if the seller of the boiler part is s numpty" with regards to taking back the damaged part and giving me a replacement, today I got a phone call from him. He couldn’t have been more helpful or apologetic, even though it was in no way his fault. Brilliant. I really have to stop thinking of every negative outcome to absolutely everything, and start having a bit of faith in the general decency of the majority of mankind. I think.

And that, as they say, is that.

you: I don’t know about wonky, but it’s certainly making me feel sick
me: I’d like to say that was the effect I was going for
you: what making people barf? That’s nice of you!
me: well, no. I mean I’d like to be able to say that I purposely composed it with off level lines as a juxtaposition to the tedium of an ‘on the level’ modern life
you: no you don’t
me: why?
you: because then you’d just be another modern art eejit. The sort you utterly detest.
me: that’s a very good point. It’s just wonky.

Feb 9 2011

Wednesday 9 February 2011: Introducing Jasmine (with the squished nose).

So yesterday Geoff arrived through the post. Jasmine also arrived. This is her. She is actually described as ‘unisex’ which is a bit of worry. I don’t like her as much as Geoff. She is less interesting. And she has a squished nose.

I ordered the spare part for the boiler yesterday. £300. I got a call from the courier "is there somewhere safe I can leave it since you’re not in?" So I told him where to leave it. 5 minutes later, another call from him. " I’ve signed for you and said it was damaged on arrival". WTF? So I left work early to get back and see what state it is in. Put it this way, I won’t be fitting it. Why doesn’t anything ever go smoothly? Now no doubt I’m gonna have hassle with the seller who will say I signed for it when I didn’t. Agghhh.

you: being a bit harsh on Jasmine are you not?
me: what do you mean?
you: well you’ve only just met her, and already you’re saying she is less interesting than Geoff
me: well she is.
you: and how do you know Geoff isn’t just the sort of guy that rocks up to a party and is the life and soul and everyone likes and then you get to know him and he’s just a shallow dullard that makes the right initial impression
me: all right all right calm down a bit. You are aware that they are polystyrene and I don’t actually talk to them?
you: well you talk to me every day so I thought….maybe…..
me: they’re polystyrene!
you: and I’m imaginary!
me: eh?!….

Feb 8 2011

Tuesday 8 February 2011: Introducing Geoff.

Geoff arrived through the post today. I bought him because I don’t have anyone to model for me, and I wanted to practice with different lighting setups and get a better understanding of lighting for portraits.

It cost me over £70 to fill the car up tonight. £70! Not with anything exciting. Just petrol. I wouldn’t mind so much if that lasted a week. When are the protests going to start again like in 2000?

More "big fat gypsy weddings" tonight. I’ve had enough of it now. Tonight’s annoyed me more than most. One guy featured changes his car twice a year. Not for some old banger. Oh no. For a new A4 convertible. From the proceeds of laying tarmac he claims. Judging by the scene of him repairing a section in the caravan park I wouldn’t be employing him. If he only puts half an inch of it down on his own property, imagine how thin he spreads it for the paying customer.

you: "I bought him"? Sounds a bit seedy. A bit ‘thai brides’ or something
me: only you could turn the purchase of a polystyrene head for the purpose of furthering my photographic knowledge into something seedy
you: yeah, well, whatever. I hope the gypsy bloke yer talking about isn’t a blipper and reading this
me: why’s that?
you: because I saw that episode and he looked hard as nails. I wouldn’t want to mess with him
me: Oh yeah, good point. So I thoroughly enjoyed tonight’s episode. One hard working fellow showed just what could be gained through hard and entirely legitimate work……
you: That’s better.

Feb 7 2011

Monday 7 February 2011: Tattered

There are a lot of flags in Edinburgh. I dare say a lot of them are in this state at the moment after last weeks gales.

If anyone had told me this morning that I would be blipping a blue sky I would have slapped them in the face with a soaked glove. In fact 2 soaked gloves. And a soaked jacket. And shirt. And trousers. And socks. And shoes. And pants. Ok so now I’m naked and assaulting someone with my wet clothes. Not sure how I’ll explain this one in court so I’ll stop. I think I have got my point across though. This morning was utterly horrible and I was completely drookit within 50 yards of the back door. And then it snowed too.

While flicking through the tv to find something to watch the missus halted on "The Cube". I don’t like the cube. And here’s an example of why:

"The cube knows your fears. It detects them and magnifies them". Good grief what is this nonsense?! Phillip Schofield you have just slipped in my estimations

you: I’m sure he’s gutted
me: come on that is pretty lame?
you: next you’ll be slapping him with a wet pair of your pants
me: ha I knew you’d use that against me somehow
you: well it was a bit of a random thing to say
me: perhaps but it was apt at the time
you: and I’m sure Phillip would say "the cube knows your fears…" was apt at the time too
me: no, that was just drivel.
you: do you read your own blips?!

Feb 6 2011

Sunday 6 February 2011: I’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse.

I watched The Godfather today. I’d never seen it before, and since it is always up there near the top of the "best film ever made" type charts, I thought I’d best take a look. What’s all the fuss about? It’s at least an hour too long for a start. Any film that breaks the 2 hour barrier is too long, never mind pushing 3. And not all that much happens. On IMDB this is in 2nd place behind The Shawshank Redemption. In my opinion The Godfather doesn’t deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as TSR.

As a result of the film being so long I never left the house today. Today’s blip is the setting sun coming through my study window.

you: instead of making me an offer I can’t refuse how about you just never, ever, post such a dull picture again
me: hmm. I did take a much better one, but It’s one I can re-create, so I’m saving it for an emergency
you: this was an emergency
me: well yeah, a bit, i guess. But the shot does prove 2 things
you: you’re dull and a rubbish photographer
me: well i was thinking more along the lines of there was some sunshine today, and I didn’t need to clear any dust spots on the image so I know my lens is clean
you: if you had gone to the effort of removing dust spots from such a dull picture I would have disowned you!
me: you would have disowned me? Not sure how that would work
me: it just would. And we’ll leave it at that.

Feb 5 2011

Saturday 5 February 2011: Too late now.

The focus isn’t where I wanted it. Too late now as I’ve cooked them.

Been a pretty quiet day. The wind has finally died down. The fence across the road has been mangled.

I’ve done a fair bit of exercise today. A full Arctic Monkeys "Whatever people say I am that’s what I’m not", and a Pigeon Detectives "Wait for me"’s worth. Then I ate crisps.

Last night we watched a couple of episodes of "My big fat gypsy wedding". Oh….my…..god. Incredible. What is going on in these peoples heads. Girls aren’t allowed out by themselves, even the older teenagers, as that might give the wrong impression. Yet the tiniest of girls are allowed to dress and dance like "ladies of the night". Freakin’ bizarre.

you: ladies of the night?
me: yeah well I didn’t want to have to spell it out
you: looks like you’re gonna have to
me: well I won’t. They are just wearing inappropriate clothes, high heels, and dancing in a suggestive fashion
you: this is the older teenagers right?
me: no. This is the 5 year olds
you: oh. Glad to see your tv tastes have moved up a notch from home and away…….

Feb 4 2011

Friday 4 February 2011: Weather.

2 on the run weather based phone blips in a row. Times are hard in the creative stakes.

Utterly horrible day again today. There has been a LOT of rain. Now I know that the rain guage on my weather station isn’t accurate, as when the wind blows the mast wobbles and the bucket tips. But I think it might not be far off with its 376.5mm of rain so far today.

No idea how the house viewing went. It was very hard to tell. It was a young lad, early 20’s I’d guess, and his dad. His dad was the first one that has actually really looked at the house as he went round. He noticed the broken pipe leading to the boiler within about 2 milliseconds of entering.

you: don’t be an idiot
me: what?
you: 376mm of rain and counting today? That’s over a foot.
me: yeah well looking at the amount of water on the roads I think it’s right
you: you don’t really. Because that would make you stupider than I think you are. And that’s almost unfathomable. What did it say for yesterday?
me: 1078.5mm
you: idiot! What else have you done?
me: I watched 2 episodes of home and away. It was still the same story as when I stopped watching it 6 months ago.
you: your choice of tv isn’t changing my idiot theory.

Feb 3 2011

Thursday 3 February 2011: oh lordy what a night

A night of sleeping in the lounge beckons. Holy crap it’s windy. And wet. And miserable. And when I woke up this morning it was white with snow! I’m sure there was a glimmer of sunshine at one point, very briefly. So a bit of everything really. I HATE THE WIND. 53mph has been the highest gust so far.

Got someone coming to view the house tomorrow. At the moment I am just hoping the roof is still on it. Perhaps a bit extreme, but it is exposed up where it is, so I dare say it is even windier there.

I’m hoping a lot of deliveries are going to arrive tomorrow…..if I survive that long

you: settle down. It’s just a bit of wind. It’s not like cyclone yasi has hit the east coast of australia and then hopped over to scotland.
me: but I hate wind. It stresses me out
you: I said settle down.
me: you know when Tim Ankers on junior apprentice said "Wind is my least favourite weather condition"
you: haha yeah what an idiot. What of it?
me: well the rest of the country may have laughed. But I was with him 100%. It was like I finally had a spokesperson
you: I think you do a decent job of spouting your own drivel to be honest

Feb 2 2011

Wednesday 2 February 2011: If you look hard, it’s there.

So, a nice wee rainbow as I got off the train. Not a bad start to the day. It didn’t get any better, until I made it to the boozer. And The Teacher appeared. I almost fell out of my seat when he phoned to say he was coming along. There are 3 reasons for the teacher to appear:

1) he’s got engaged. Admittedly this doesn’t happen often. In fact, once.
b) him and the missus are having another bairn. Admittedly this doesn’t happen often either.
3) he’s on holiday. Which, seeing as his name is The Teacher, you can imagine happens quite a lot. A lot more times than he makes it to the boozer it has to be said.

Tonight it was b) , or 2) if you prefer. Congrats dude.

What a rank night it is. Very windy, and tipping down. The cycle home wasn’t pleasant. Soaked through and cold.

you: still, yer home now. Something nice of for tea?
me: I’m having some chicken flavoured rice, that came in a sachet, from Lidl, and cost 35p
you: oh dear. That doesn’t sound good.
me: mmm, it smells a bit too ‘chickeny’ for my liking.
you: like a green pot noodle?
me: exactly like a green pot noodle. I’m going to have it on a bagel and pretend it’s fancy.
you: sounds like a good plan

Feb 1 2011

Tuesday 1 February 2011: Naked

For the first time in several years I forgot to take my school bag with me to work. Almost as soon as I started cycling I felt odd, and I quickly realised it wasn’t because I had my pants on back to front (dressing in the dark) but it was because I didn’t have my bag. Then walking from the station to work felt odd too. I don’t know why. I don’t have my bag when I go for a wander at lunchtimes. My mind just expects it to be there at certain times.

I’m not even sure why I take it every day. It’s full of junk that I never use. And probably a year or more worth of pay slips. The missus got me this bag many moons ago and it’s been a faithful servant ever since.

Dad kept taking sharp breaths when I spoke to him on the phone tonight. Pain’s to be expected after a major op I guess. But I hope they find him some painkillers that work for him soon. Or maybe we should just get K to pop round with some horse tranquillisers.

you: school bag?
me: what would you call it then?
you: a man bag.
me: naw that’s a bag with just the one strap. I used to use one of those ’till I started cycling.
you: and it was full of your makeup no doubt.
me: no! It was full of the same junk as this one. I have a separate bag for makeup
you: I wouldn’t be surprised if that was true.