Apr 20 2014

Sunday 20 April 2014: Good ‘un

As weekends go this has been a belter. Wall to wall sunshine, and probably as much time spent in the garden as the entirety of last year.

Bro in law was around and we had a roast dinner, consumed outside in the pit. Another easter egg hunt was arranged for Ghengis, which she thoroughly enjoyed again, especially the magic bird box that seemed to have another egg in it every time she looked.

All the fresh air has made me feel pretty tired. And my legs ache from yesterday’s run. But I’m not going to complain, the vitamin D has done me good.

you: sunstroke
me: what is?
you: it’s always the same
me: what is?!
you: whenever you say you’re not going to complain after it’s been sunny the only possible explanation is sunstroke
me: it was about 14C
you: which is positively tropical for Falkirk. Sunstroke.

Apr 19 2014

Saturday 19 April 2014: Easter hunt (and park run 2)

Got up this morning and the weather was beautiful again. So for some reason I decided I would have my second go at the 5km park run. Last time I quite enjoyed it. This time I’m not sure I did. I did beat my time by 35s. But was 2 seconds off the target Em set me of sub 25mins. Which is massively annoying and I am blaming technology. I didn’t have any sort of timer with me so I had no idea what my time was going to be.

Mum and dad brought Ghengis down to the park. She was just sitting eating at the finish line. I might take that approach next time.

Dad and I finished building the cover over the trench of terror and while we did that the missus went and got picnic supplies and we all had a picnic on the lawn. If this weather keeps up the lawn will have been worth every penny.

In the arvo we hid eggs around the garden for Ghengis to do a wee easter egg hunt. She seemed to enjoy it. The garden has been invaded by a massive bouncy bunny. She didn’t have too much trouble finding that.

you: so it works
me: what works?
you: your no running training regime
me: it would appear so.
you: so now you’re going to market it?
me: already got the domain name
you: which is
me: theamazingnorunningtrainingforrunningmiracleregime.com
you: catchy.

Apr 18 2014

Friday 18 April 2014: construction

Mum and dad arrived this morning. At half past eight. When they’d said they were going to come up early I hadn’t expected that early! Ghengis spotted them first and got super excited. “mandma, mandma, keek, keek” as she ran off to the door.

Dad and I popped down to the timber place to start getting quotes for the wood I needed to make the trench of terror child friendly. Somehow we ended up getting it delivered this afternoon, and dad and I spent 5 hours on it. Only knocking off when we had to stop hammering as Ghengis was going to bed. It’s looking good.

The weather was absolutely superb. Not a cloud in the sky the entire day, so everyone just had a nice time outside.

I didn’t make it to see the Kelpies as I was too tired. So unfortunately I didn’t improve on last nights shot.

you: so you invite yer folks up then make your dad work all day. Nice.
me: well…he offered….
you: out of politeness no doubt
me: naw…he enjoyed it as much as I did
you: and why do you make up such ridiculous names for areas of your garden?
me: ridiculous?
you: trench of terror?
me: that’s what it said in the title deeds
you: aha. Of course.

Apr 17 2014

Thursday 17 April 2014: kelpies

It was the first night of the grand opening of the Kelpies tonight. As I was climbing I didn’t go, and this was the best shot I got from the car as we drove by. Still, climbing was good. I was climbing the best I have for ages. Did a 6b, and a couple of 6a’s that had to be mislabeled.

you: mis-labeled? You mean you couldn’t do them
me: I did them, they just seemed awful hard
you: also know as “you’re not good enough” . Much like this photo
me: yeah, poor. I got some nice shots today too
you: so why would you post this guff?
me: because the kelpie light show will never happen again
you: until tomorrow night
me: oh. Yeah. Until then

Apr 16 2014

Wednesday 16 April 2014: pink things

Had a meeting down the road today so went for a wander in the botanics with sutin. Not as nice a day as it’s been the last few though. But to make up for it, as we wandered I was eating nachos. Normally I don’t have the canteen nachos from the grill bar, but as I wasn’t on home turf, and I didn’t have any at the boozer last night, I decided to treat myself. And they were actually very nice, and only £3.50.

Random training session this arvo, which was almost identical to one I was sent on about 7 years ago. The approach was used for a while before it fell out of favour. I wonder how long it will be until I’m sent on it again.

Ghengis is a right wee bossy monkey at the moment. In the mornings she won’t sit and watch tv in bed for a bit with us. Instead she goes and gets my slippers, and a tshirt, and then goes and unplugs my phone and brings it over, then pulls the duvet off me if I still haven’t moved. I can slow her down for about 30 seconds by sending her to get the missus’ phone, but that’s about it.

you: just get up then!
me: 5 minutes to wake up might be nice
you: but she wants her breakfast. Don’t keep her waiting
me: she never gets me my breakfast
you: she gets your phone for you though
me: yeah but I’m not sure that’s a good thing
you: saves you getting it.
me: yeah, but it also means she thinks I can’t function without my phone
you: which is correct
me: but I don’t do anything with it other than take photos
you: and since that’s all you do, you therefore can’t function without it. She’s got you sussed.

Apr 15 2014

Tuesday 15 April 2014: Am I bovvered?

I suspect the £60 parking fine won’t be of much concern to someone that drives a car worth £150k. First time I’ve seen an SLS. I wouldn’t say no. I’ve also got a bit of a thing about Range Rover’s at the moment. Not evoque’s. Not sport’s. Proper, full fat Range Rovers. I’d love one.

Another lovely sunny day. Met Oz’ missus at lunch to take a look in the Moray Place gardens as a possible photo shoot location. Very nice.

Started to feel like I was coming down with a cold so just had juice at the boozer and left early. I frickin hope I don’t have another cold coming on.

you: A Range Rover?
me: yeah. I think I need one
you: need one? And why might that be?
me: I’m worried I’m going to get stuck in snow
you: oh yeah, because that’s such a major risk in your life. Idiot

Apr 14 2014

Monday 14 April 2014: That’s more like it

Met Sutin for a wander at lunchtime. Unlike last monday when I met him the weather was ace. So rather than cut the wander short and head home to our offices soaked through as we did last week, today we seemed to keep tacking another bit on to the walk….then another…..and maybe just a wee bit more.

As I finally walked back to the office I realised I had an inner monologue going on about whether I was going to stop in to greggs on the way for a cake. I decided I wouldn’t, and even managed to stick to my decision and walk straight on.

Got home and played in the garden with Ghengis. Then I put the summer wheels back on the car. It looks so much better with them on, and it no longer feels like you are driving around on balloons.

you: who were you talking to about greggs?
me: well I assumed it was you
you: was half of the conversation caustic?
me: no it was actually rather pleasant
you: well it wasn’t me then
me: fair point
you: right that’s it. Who’s this other voice in your head. I’m gonna ‘ave ‘im!
who: you think so do ya!
me: woah woah woah, what’s going on here?
you: shut it you. right, what are the rules?
who: no blades, guns, knuckle dusters, biting, or shots at the groin
you: bo-ring
who: not man enough to do it old school eh. Thought not.
you: right, that’s it! Outside, now!
me: I’ll leave you to it.

Apr 13 2014

Sunday 13 April 2014: Local calzone taste test shocker

Not much happened today, the weather has been shocking. We headed out for a late lunch, to Chianti’s. In it’s previous incarnation with another name and different owners I was never impressed. To the extent that we went twice then I would never go back. They never took note of feedback people left of tripadvisor, they never improved, they closed. Today was an entirely different kettle of fish. The staff couldn’t have been more welcoming, the food was tasty and fresh, and it’s a place I’ll be going back to. To top it off I think their calzone may have knocked Taste of Italy out of the top spot for my favourite.

Oh, Mo Farrah failed to beat the UK marathon record. He came 8th. That’s like 7th loser. Oh no, hang on, he ran 26 miles in 2hr 8min 21seconds. He’s still frickin’ awesome.

you: that’s lucky eh?
me: what? That we’ve found a local restaurant I like?
you: no that you still love Mo Farrah
me: love’s a bit over the top. Have serious respect for as a fellow professional athlete is perhaps more accurate. Anyway, why is it lucky?
you: it means you don’t have to find someone else to put a picture of up in the garage
me: the way you say it makes it sound creepy
you: it is creepy. Hang on a minute, “fellow professional athlete”
me: damn it, though I’d got away with that one.
you: the only thing you’re professional at is eating. And it’s not an olympic sport.
me: not an olympic sport *yet*

Apr 12 2014

Saturday 12 April 2014: get used to this face, you’ll see a lot of it

Through to Napoleon and Esme’s new pad for the second weekend in a row. This time with Ghengis in tow, and it was to a fairly impromptu last minute gathering. We were going to be meeting up with Scott and Clare and baby Ivy somewhere in town, but Napoleon and Esme offered to host, which was ace. There were a bunch of bairns, plenty of tea and cake, and it was a very different gathering to those of days gone by. Great fun though. And the bairns all had a hoot running around the garden and over the tiny bridge. Napoleon reckons he’s gonna get rid of it. I think he might find a sit in/on protest from a bunch of under five year olds if he tries.

Ghengis has started saying “c’mon” a lot. “c’mon mummy”, “c’mon daddy” etc. But tonight I had to double take as she said “c’mon tae fck”. Or at least that’s what it sounded like. Thankfully once I listened again and implanted the “baby talk babel fish” she was in fact saying “come on to walk”. Few. I was going to have to pay a bit more attention to the script on Balamory and Katy Morag to find out which it was that was the root of Ghengis’ scottish potty mouth.

More Line of Duty. Three more in fact. Jeez it’s good, even though I don’t particularly like 2 of the main actors.

you: like you don’t pay attention as it is
me: pah, I don’t pay any attention to those shows what so ever.
you: really?
me: nope, not a jot
you: so when I looked through the window yesterday it wasn’t you that was standing gawping at the tv slack jawed like the village eejit?
me: nope, not sure who you saw
you: it was mr bloom’s nursery that was on
me: oh….yeah….that might have been me you saw
you: I know it was
me: but he was in Falkirk
you: and it’s a show aimed at pre-schoolers!
me: but he was in Falkirk
you: that’s really no excuse at all. It’s still a kids show
me: but he……
you: yes we know. Eejit

Apr 11 2014

Friday 11 April 2014: Flying ladies

Dad prefers these two to the bonnet adornment on his other motor. I’m pretty sure he would have quite happily driven home from perth with them sitting there….lashed on with baler twine to keep them safe probably.

Bit of a faffy family gathering this arvo. Dad was up delivering a piece of work at Glendoick. Mum had been up at W.E for the week so she came down with K & L. Jenelope came down, driven by cousin Sammy because some b@st@rd had kicked her car windscreen in. And dad’s cousin from Canada came along for good measure. Always nice to see everyone together though, no matter how faffy it is.

Started watching the latest series of Line of Duty. Jeez it’s good tv.

you: oh yeah line of duty is good
me: I know eh
you: you realise it was him that did it?
me: who that did what?
you: the murderer, it was him
me: la la la la I can’t hear you
you: oh, he’s gone.

Apr 9 2014

Wednesday 08 April 2014: Scary-fier

Got the new scarifier out to go over the lawn tonight. It doesn’t half chuck stones out at a fair old pace if they get in it. Then it broke. After about 15 minutes. So I had to traipse off to the shop to get a replacement. Very annoying
you: much like you then
me: good at throwing stones?
you: annoying
me: I’m good at throwing stones too though
you: fine, you can be annoying *and* good at throwing stones
me: yay!
you: simpleton!

Apr 8 2014

Tuesday 08 April 2014: Too far

Went a wander with monochrome at lunchtime. It appeared for a moment that we had wandered all the way to tokyo or some such, based on this sign anyway.

The missus got one of my favourite ever pictures of Ghengis today. They had been shopping, and Ghengis got some sunglasses. She was very, very pleased with this purchase.

Tonight I not only broke through my “I refuse to pay more than a tenner for a burger” rule, I smashed through it, by 40%. £14 for a burger. It’s too much. Luckily I enjoyed it. Was it worth £14? No. It was nice though.

you: why in fricks name did you do that?
me: it was the teachers fault
you: why?
me: because I mistakenly thought he had ordered all the extras on his burger, so I did the same
you: not got enough sense to think for yourself?
me: yes
you: so why be a copy cat?
me: because everyone knows that the teacher almost always orders the best things. So it’s a safe bet to copy him
you: that will teach you to pay more attention to what he says then

Apr 7 2014

Monday 07 April 2014: No miracles

Went a wander with Sutin at lunchtime. This was a mistake. It was tipping down by the time we got to our respective offices. Both soaked. On the way back I stopped in at greggs to get a ‘coni peh to cheer myself up. Then I went to the canteen and had apple sponge and custard….to cheer myself up.

By the time I got home though it was a lovely evening so the three of us went for a wee wander. Ghengis had great fun spashing in the puddles of the car park to the woods…until she fell in one. Then she carried on having great fun splashing in the puddles. The missus said she’s been as good as gold today.

I started trying to aerate the new lawn, which stressed me out. It seems that they didn’t put in as much subsoil as they said. A lot of places I was hitting rocks as soon as I was through the turf. The whole lawn is pretty much saturated, which is understandable given that it’s been pretty wet. Less so when you consider it’s a raised lawn built on rubble.

you: you must be pretty cheery then
me: me? Cheery?
you: well you had two non advisable items under the pretence of cheering yourself up
me: oh no that was just to get me back to my default state
you: of misery
me: no, not misery, thank you very much. More like, well, ok, misery

Apr 6 2014

Sunday 06 April 2014: chandelier-y

Jenelope and magoo offered to look after Ghengis when we nipped through to edinburgh which was ace. The missus and I went to The Angels Share for lunch. The missing apostrophe in this name annoys me as much as it annoys Napoleon. How did they get it wrong for this one and right for their place next door, The Devil’s Cut. Both names supposed to be referring to those used in whisky distilling I assume. Anyway, it was nice to be out for a bit with just the missus.

We were through to go to a wedding fayre that I had been considering exhibiting at but decided not to based on cost. And having spoken to a bunch of the other vendors I’m glad I didn’t. They didn’t seem entirely happy with the number of attendees, or the advertising, or the organisers communications. A few mentioned an alternative though, which I am now on the waiting list for…..for March 2015 as Nov 2104 is already booked up! I had been sent a couple of complimentary tickets….which should have been £25 each. £25 to get in to a wedding fayre?! Mental. Only one winner there, the organisers!

Lovely warm sunny day in town. 15.5C the car was saying, and it felt nice. While through we went to visit Napoleon and Esme in their new pad. They’re all grown up now, having moved from a flat to a house. And very nice too. I can’t get over edinburgh prices though, just mental.

When we got home Ghengis was properly hyper. I think Jenelope had been feeding her chocolate all day as a joke. She did some awesome dancing to her favourite song though. Then she was out like a light at bed time so all the hyper-ness must have tired her out.

All in all a nice day

you: blimey not all that much in the way of complaining today, the weather must have improved your mood
me: nah I’m saving all my complaints for emails at the moment
you: and how’s that working out for you
me: two for two at the moment.
you: aye? What?
me: I complained to a yoghurt company that I didn’t like the shape of there pots
you: seriously?
me: oh I was very serious. I got £6 of vouchers for my efforts
you: eh?!
me: and just got an email back to say a good will voucher was on it’s way as a result of my complaint about the steak we got the other night
you: what?
me: good eh
you: What on earth are they doing?!
me: dealing with honest and constructive customer comments in a good way I’d say
you: encouraging and idiot is what I’d say!

Apr 5 2014

Saturday 05 April 2014: Postie postie do your stuff

This is Ghengis posting an acceptance card for a recent wedding invitation. Little does she know she’s not getting to come with us.

The missus was away shopping today so I was on Ghengis duty again. As is normally the case she was a good wee chook. I took her to the zoo in the morning. When I say zoo I of course mean Pets at Home. And we went for a bit of a wander in the afternoon.

Jenelope and magoo arrived in the evening. Which was good timing as Ghengis had just learned to say Jenelope. We watched The Voice final. Come on British public, what are you playing at? The wrong person won. Watched a few Parks and Recreation episodes too. It continues to be pretty good.

you: oooh the excitement. The Voice final *and* parks and recreation
me: we were all tired
you: and did you vote?
me: no.
you: so you have no right to complain about the outcome.
me: it’s more than a right. It’s a duty.
you: one you take very seriously it would seem.
me: never miss an opportunity, that’s my motto
you: are you sure it’s not “if it’s not utterly perfect I’m going to moan about it because I’m a moaning git”?

Apr 4 2014

Friday 04 April 2014: It’s a boy!

After nearly 2 years, today I realised that Ghengis was a wee boy. Oh no, it’s just the garden hose

Took her swimming this morning. There was an “all customers out of the pool”
announcement.  Nothing to do with us I hasten to add.  Also heard a wee boy say to his daddy “I want my dress on”.  His dad was quite loud about explaining that it wasn’t a dress, it was just clothes.

Picked my new phone up today too.  So far so good.  I’m liking the camera, especially for wee videos of Ghengis.  The stabilisation seems to work pretty well.  I reckon I got a decent deal on it too.  Same can’t be said for the laptop which continues to annoy the he11 out of me.

you: a bit quick there
me: with what?
you: to cry out about your innocence in the “out of the pool” incident
me: she had her swimming nappy on,  it would have been fine
you: I wasn’t talking about Ghengis!

Apr 3 2014

Thursday 03 April 2014: Ring Ring

And you can just keep on ringing. As I wandered passed these phone boxes one started to ring. No way I was answering it!

Another evening wasted on the new laptop.

you: why didn’t you answer it
me: you’ve seen phone booth right?
you: here we go a again! Mixing movies and reality!
me: but it could have been a copycat
you: you looked around at the rooftops didn’t you? Looking for snipers?
me: no
you: yes
me: no!
you: tell the truth
me: maybe just a wee bit.

Apr 2 2014

Wednesday 02 April 2014: Equilibrium

I posted one of my old broken laptops that I’d sold today. But as luck would have it the replacement for the new one I bought last week arrived today. Which is good, because who knows what might have happened if there hadn’t been 5 laptops in the house. A black hole could have formed.

Uma’s leaving lunch today. As seems to be traditional some of the attendees were late. Not just late. 40 minutes late. I don’t have time for faffing like that so I left before my pudding arrived.

Within an hour of the laptop arriving I had broken it. Not physically, but I had goosed the OS install….and the recovery partition. Cue a night wasted faffing.

you: 5? why 5
me: ach they are mostly junk.
you: so ditch them
me: they’re on ebay as we speak
you: and what happens when one sells?
me: a black hole will form?
you: so to save the world from a fate worse than death you’re going to get another new one?
me: well, I think I may have made a mistake with the one I got
you: idiot
me: and do you think a black hole is a fate worse than death? Isn’t it just a route *to* death?
you: who knows?
me: me, that’s why I said it
you: but you asked a question
me: fine. A black hole is a route to death
you: ooh get you, prof Brian Cox watch yer back, there’s a new space expert in town.

Apr 1 2014

Tuesday 01 April 2014: Mixed berry

Uma finished up at work tomorrow. She’s been part of our team for quite a while now. Today she gave me some skittles. It would have been rude not to eat them. She also brought in massive bags of bombay mix, which were delicious. And as they fall outwith my usual self imposed sweet ban I’ve eaten quite a lot over the last couple of days.

Had a green pint at the boozer tonight. It looked very odd, like lime cordial. It tasted not bad though. Unlike the burger I had at what used to be the bank on the high street. Which didn’t taste bad. It just didn’t taste.

First time I’ve come home on the train without my bike in years, it felt rather odd. Thankfully rather than it having been stolen I have just given Napoleon a loan of it.

I also bought a new phone today. My lumia 1020 will hopefully be with my by the end of the week.

you: a loan?
me: aye
you: how much did you charge
me: nothing! It’s a loan
you: so you demanded no cash
me: I didn’t demand anything
you: and he gave you nothing
me: awright awright he gave me a fiver to get a taxi up the road
you: you miserable git!
me: what? I hate walking, so he gave me a fiver to get a taxi
you: you miserable git!
me: why should I be out of pocket as a result of being generous?
you: I’m going to stop talking to you before you charge me for the privilege
me: too late. The bill’s already in the post.

Mar 31 2014

Monday 31 March 2014: upstairs downstairs

Seems like I live at the museum at the moment. Went a wander up with Sutin at lunchtime for another quick squint round the wildlife photographer of the year exhibition.

Not sure where the rest of the day went to be honest.

you: where would you live?
me: what do you mean?
you: if you lived in the museum
me: oh, in the bit with the big animals. Especially the dinosaurs. I’d have a guard dinosaur
you: it’s not much use as a guard dog, it’s been dead for millions of years
me: I said guard dinosaur
you: ok dinosaur, it’s still dead
me: but you’re aware that everything in a museum comes to life at night?
you: not again, how many times? That was a film

Mar 30 2014

Sunday 30 March 2014: Mothers day

Or Mothering Sunday if you want to be correct. Apparently.

Through to Glenskirlie house for lunch. It was nice, but my main was a bit disappointing.

The best thing was Ghengis. She kept holding food out to me, then when I ate it she took a big intake of breath and pointed at me and started shouting “mummy”, little tell tale. She kept doing it over and over. And for a change I got a nice video of it.

Got home and started trying to rake out the moss. It was hard going. One of the neighbours came over and said I could borrow his electric scarifier. So I did, until the wheelie bin was full anyway, which didn’t take long. Then I went and bought myself a scarifier with a bit more beef to it as I was worried our moss infested lawn would kill the neighbours one.

you: you weren’t worried about knackering the neighbours one
me: I was
you: that’s not the real reason though is it
me: yes
you: no
me: yes
you: no
me: ok ok I like to have my own tools.
you: thank you.

Mar 29 2014

Saturday 29March 2014: Desperation

The missus was feeling a bit better so she went of the Gleneagles for a spa day with her mum, leaving me on Ghengis duty. We didn’t get up to a whole lot. Played in the garden for a bit, went for a wee walk.

Popped down to B&Q in the afternoon with the bro in law and Ghengis. I was just wanting to check various timber sizes are I’m going to get cracking on her playhouse. Looking forward to that.

you: You’re not still going on about building a playhouse
me: I’m not “going on” about it, I’ve mentioned it twice I think
you: and yet there’s no progress
me: there is
you: what?
me: I know what kind of wood I’m going to use.
you: woooo, big deal
me: and the colour of the kitchen worktops
you: what? I thought it was a playhouse you were building not a real one
me: I’m contemplating putting a mini kitchen in
you: hang on a minute….You’re planning on living in it!
me: Well I have always wondered how much space I could actually live happily in.
you: about 12 acres given all the junk you have.

Mar 28 2014

Friday 28 March 2014: If looks could kill

Ghengis rarely looks at me when I have the camera, she purposely looks from side to side to avoid me. When she does look, this is what I get.

This afternoon I went down in to town armed with business cards and flyers and went in to a few wedding related shops, dresses, cakes, that sort of thing. Some were receptive, some dismissive. We’ll see if anything comes of it. At least I made a bit of an effort.

you: did you at least smile when you were speaking to them?
me: what’s that?
you: what’s what?
me: smiling?
you: aye it’s been a while eh
me: 1984 I think. Of course I smiled, I can be quite personable when I put my mind to it.
you: who told you that?

Mar 27 2014

Thursday 27 March 2014: Too slow

Working from home again today. I got quite a fright when I heard someone come in through the front door. Then doors started banging which gave me another fright. Then I heard someone barfing which was more of a surprise than a fright. Did we have a burglar that was so nervous about burgling that they were being sick? No, turns out the missus had come home feeling ill. Poor chook.

It meant I had to go pick Ghengis up from the nursery. It’s a good job she shouted “daddy” the second she saw me as the staff didn’t recognise me. But if someone stole my face they could kidnap her I suppose, which isn’t great.

My new laptop arrived this arvo. I say new, it was “factory refurbished, as new”. So they ship with a big dent in the lid that causes the screen to glitch do they? And stop working entirely after an hour? So disappointed.

you: if someone “stole your face”?
me: yeah, like in Face Off
you: you do realise that’s an action film? Not real life?
me: yeah but it’s nearly 20 years old.
you: so?!
me: I bet they can do it now
you: and why would someone choose you as the target of what would no doubt be a massively expensive operation?
me: to take over my life obviously!
you: oh yeah I bet the crooks are queuing up to take over your miserable existence
me: hey it’s not entirely miserable
you: you do a good job of hiding it then.

Mar 26 2014

Wednesday 26 March 2014: 100psi

I was working from home today, and it was a beautiful sunny day so at lunchtime I got the good bike out. First time this year. I just did my 12 mile loop. I wasn’t far off my best time so the turbo trainer must have kept me with a reasonable level of fitness I guess.

I was doing some training material which is why I was working from home, pretty slow going and really quite tiring.

Dunno what Ghengis was up to at nursery but when she got back she was absolutely shattered and a total nightmare. If she’s naughty now though she runs up to you and gives you a cuddle while saying sorry in the hope that she doesn’t get put in the naughty corner. It’s so cute it almost works.

Now I’ve got chilli in my eye and it hurts.

you: there’s another option
me: to what? Child discipline? Do tell?
you: no, another option rather than the turbo keeping you fit being the reason your time was close to your best
me: and what might that be?
you: that you were never fit in the first place and the time’s rubbish
me: quite possible.
you: and what kind of statement is “I’ve got chilli in my eye” to end on?
me: a factual one
you: no explanation?
you: I’ll take that as a no then

Mar 25 2014

Tuesday 25 March 2014: Don’t do it, don’t go in!

Sutin standing outside the entrance to the Taylor Wessing Photographic Portrait exhibition. What a load of tosh. MrJohn and others post portraits better than these on an almost daily basis. Half of them were just random family portraits sitting in the garden or one was a pile of folk sitting in front of a static caravan on a drive. The one thing they all had in common was they all had some guff arty farty description beside them: “my ideas for the shoot progressed as I got to know the subject”. Your ideas ‘progressed’ to her sitting in front of a plain grey background? Where did they start off exactly?

Very disappointing. The wildlife photography exhibition at the museum is infinitely better.

To be totally fair I do quite like the portrait that won. But we both liked the shot of an African choir master best. It had a bit of character and an idea of the environment.

you: settle down
me: oh man I was mad when I came out
you: calm down, it’s just a bunch of photos
me: exactly. Just a bunch of photos with nothing special about them. Shots on 500px blow everything there out of the water
you: take it easy!
me: I can’t. I was almost as mad as when I left the pompi-don’t centre
you: you mean the pompidou, idiot
me: no I mean the pompi-don’t, because I don’t think I have ever been so mad in my life. That place made my blood boil
you: well it provoked a reaction, that’s what art is meant to do
me: half of it wasn’t art! A 10′ * 10′ grey canvas with a pencil line across it and a splash of red does not “depict the final battle of achilles”. Must…stop…thinking….about….it. Blood….pressure….rising…..

Mar 24 2014

Monday 24 March 2014: Measure twice, cut once.

Ghengis’ eczema has been getting worse so we had a doctors appointment for her tonight. It was early so I had to bail from work before 4 today to take her….that felt good. It was such a lovely sunny day.

Saw this as we wandered about wasting time waiting on the pharmacy to dish up her various potions and lotions and it made me laugh.

Before she went to bed she was doing some superb blethering getting all of our names in to her nonsensical babblings.

Good workout tonight. Dad beat me at wide pullups yesterday so I had to try and make amends. I couldn’t. The latest sculpture he’s been asked to give a quote for will weigh 35 tonnes once he’s built it, by hand, so it’s a good job he’s strong as an ox.

you: you got beaten by yer dad?
me: yes
you: well I suppose you are a desk jockey well passed his prime
me: that doesn’t help matters
you: that eats a stack of 10 rich teas every night when he gets home from work
me: rich teas don’t count as calories.
you: of course not. Idiot.

Mar 23 2014

Sunday 23 March 2014: Status update

Neither of us got a great nights kip. And not for the reason you’re thinking, dirty mind. The room was too hot and the mattress was too solid. Woke up and it was a lovely sunny day though so we wandered out for a bit of breakfast, then up to the museum on Chambers Street to have a look around the Wildlife Photographer of the year exhibition.

The missus liked the jumping stoat best. And I liked a photo of a couple of male lions in the rain with their manes all flattened down. Some amazing photos.

We had a few vouchers for John Lewis left to spend, so went down there next. The aim was to get a digital radio for the kitchen within the voucher budget of 60 quid. Somehow we managed to end up getting 2 and having to spend an extra 50 quid. Fail.

By the time we’d done all that wandering about we were knackered and decided we’d just go home. As we arrived back on the street we saw Ghengis out a walk with Dad who had come up the road to pick up Mum. I love seeing her wandering along holding dad’s hand. So cute.

A nice bit of an afternoon out the back with everyone, and that was about the end of that.

All in all a nice weekend. And while the wee break from Ghengis was grand, we were quite happy to get back to her sharpish.

you: sad. That’s what it is
me: what?
you: you’d only been away a day and you were missing her
me: it wasn’t a day
you: that’s even worse!
me: ’tis not. She’s our wee baby girl. When she’s not being a pain in the bahookie it’s great spending time with her
you: I bet she never batted an eyelid once you were gone
me: once the initial tears subsided I don’t think she did. She was happy as larry with her grandma and grandpa
you: so you should have stayed out longer
me: next time…
you: in another 6 months.

Mar 22 2014

Saturday 22 March 2014: Just the two of us

Mum is looking after Ghengis for the night so we headed through to Edinburgh for a night at the Missoni. We were a bit early to check in so went for a bit of lunch at the Outsider and then general wandering around the Royal Mile area. We were surprised at the number of tourists. It was a nice sunny day but man the wind was cold.

Once we got checked in we decided to watch Gravity as we’d had enough of wandering. We both kept falling asleep but every time we woke up it seemed like good ol’ Sandra was in the midst of yet another set of explosions or trying to take control of yet another space station. I imagine it was quite an event in 3d. Not so much on pay per view in a hotel.

Out for a bit of a wander with the camera before tea. I passed a busker (This dude I think https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gg7FP9IJ6vc) who was a bit handy with a guitar. On the way back down I stopped to give him a quid as I’d been humming the tune he was playing since I saw him. Spoke to him a bit and it turns out he’d supported my cousin at one of her gigs……and yet I still couldn’t ask him for a portrait. I think I’m just not cut out for street portraiture.

Nice thai meal at Thai Orchid, I chose the wrong dish for me. The chap next to me had a dish that smelled amazing though.

Back to the hotel. Bit of telly, and the prospect of 12 hours uninterrupted kip. Excellent.

you: if you can’t do it who else do you expect to do it for you?
me: what? Street portraiture? I dunno, I’m just not cut out for it
you: I meant choose a meal that you like
me: I just got it wrong
you: but it was for you?!
me: yes
you: so you know what you like and what you don’t like?
me: yes
you: yet you managed to choose a dish you didn’t particularly like?
me: yes
you: idiot.

Mar 21 2014

Friday 21 March 2014: Ghengis Friday

Swimming this morning, that was fine once we got past the soaked nappy and clothes before we even got to the pool. Today she decided she liked it in the shower, she stood in it for ages making me re-hit the tap button thing. There was a wee boy there that was a few weeks older than Ghengis, but he was so confident in the water. Turned out he’d been going to water babies since he was tiny.

Had an hour playing in the garden this afternoon. Eventually she decided she didn’t want to wear the hat so took it off and tried to run away when I told her to put it back on. She ran to her Little tykes cosy coupe getaway car and climbed in, forgetting that her cars hybrid power train was actually her pursuer.

Mum arrived to help out with Ghengis tomorrow. Ghengis went mute for the first half hour, very odd.

Sport relief is on telly tonight. Some pretty funny stuff (patrick kielty doing synchronised swimming), and as usual some truly harrowing stuff. If you can spare a bob or two it only takes a minute.

you: you’re 36
me: and?
you: you really should be able to not wet your pants on a 10 minute journey.
me: ho ho
you: what was it? The excitement of going swimming? Or the thought of having a wander round aldi afterwards
me: neither. I’d just had too much juice
you: so it was you!
me: neither. of course not idiot!

Mar 20 2014

Thursday 20 March 2014: You don’t get that in F1.

yes it is what it looks like. Thierry Neuville’s co-driver is filling the radiator of their world rally car with beer. This is why I love the wrc.

It was a wild night last night, and totally tipping down this morning. I took to lifting my feet up and putting them on the crossbar to try and keep them out of the spray whenever possible. I probably looked rather odd.

Napoleon is through at Heriot Watt for a beer festival. Apparently the halls where we all met have been demolished. Sad.

Climbing tonight. Day done.

you: You love the wrc because they fill their cars with inappropriate fluids?
me: no because they’ll do anything to finish a rally
you: seems stupid to me
me: he would have lost 3rd place if he hadn’t got back to the service park
you: whatever. And it didn’t just look odd, putting yer feet on the crossbar, it was odd
me: I would have had soaked shoes all day at work otherwise
you: you mean you didn’t?
me: well, no, they were still soaked.
you: so utterly pointless then